Or is my neighbour?

[Barbiepink]

While I was at work today I asked my dad if he would be able to come round and trim the ivy/weeds that are growing in our back garden.
He said he would.

I went to work, my dad messages me and tells me he’s done it.

I got home and went into the garden to check out the work.
My next door neighbour came out and told me in no uncertain terms that my dad had cut ivy from their side of the fence as well and he’d pulled it out by the roots.
She said she’d spent 20 years growing it in the way she wanted it to be.
Her husband said she’s been crying all afternoon.

I said I was so sorry and it wasn’t my intention, it was my fault for not communicating what I wanted correctly to my dad. I just wanted the weeds pulled out and the ivy trimmed back as it was starting to grow up through the paving slabs.

Anyway, they were very upset and on the war path.

I went out and bought her some flowers to say sorry and she nearly didn’t accept them, then did, even though she said she was still so upset she couldn’t talk about it.

I hate confrontation and I feel really uneasy tonight now. I’m not sure what to do for the best.

they need to stop being so stubborn it’s just an error and difference of opinion on growing ivy. It’ll grow back fast. I wish your dad would come and cut down my neighbours eyesore of ivy growing over the fence AND the flipping knotweed growing up the trellis

I had very similar once. I had been growing Ivy as a screen for the fence. It had taken me a long time to get it through and across the fence, at least a couple of years. Ivy certainly doesn’t grow as fast as some people on here claim!
anyway the neighbours had accidentally destroyed it when doing something on their side - yes I was really upset at the time, but I got over it in a few days and replaced with clematis- which actually does grow fast - problem solved.
maybe buy some clematis as a peace offering?

They’ll get over it, don’t worry xx

It’s very difficult to get rid of ivy. And even harder to pull up the roots through a fence ….they have to be properly dug out. It’s a massive job.
Maybe, if there’s a gap under the fence, he pulled on one or two stems and they peeled off her side which is what she meant about taking it years to train it up the fence. But she was exaggerating if so. It grows extremely quickly, 20 days at this time of year, not 20 years, - and you are right to keep it out of your garden if you can, as it will take over and choke everything else.

Sounds like they are being way over dramatic. You apologised and bought them flowers. Don’t let it concern you any more. They’ll come around eventually.

Oh my, how devastating for your neighbour. Not. 🙄 You have the right to trim anything that encroaches your garden. Offer it back to them (you have to anyway). I'm sure they can bring it back from the dead. Jeez I feel for you!

There's ivy in my neighbour's garden and I've been battling it for well over 20yrs.
We've poured boiling water/bleach/creoste etc over it, chopped it as far back as possible, the neighbour even tried digging it out about 18yrs ago and the bustard thing keeps on growing and spreading itself all through my fence and into my (well controlled) honeysuckle and jasmine.
I've tried everything and just can't stop the damn stuff, so, it may seem ott but I'm sick to the back teeth of it, I'm moving house to get away from it!

Ivy is really hard to get rid of. It will be back next year. I know from experience. I had all the ivy roots dug out of my garden only to have it grow back thicker
next year.

Ivy will grow back in 2 weeks not 20 years, despite what's happened they are being utterly unreasonable

Sorry but do not ever leave a trim to a man lol! They will cut to the core and rip out. Not being sexist, just my experience of 50 plus years. She will get over it but can understand her being upset. Best to do things yourself. X

If they let it grow around the post into your garden, they what they are now doing is dealing with the repercussions of allowing their plants to grow unwanted in your space 🤷‍♀️
Your dad wasn't to know, he dealt with your side of the garden! Which unknowing was housing their crappy plant... not your problem that they spent twenty years allowing their plant to infringe on your space.

The lesson is theirs to learn!

My experience of 50 plus years is that men are completely able to discuss and agree what's needed.

You need to look at your house deeds but generally it’s as you look at the property from the front, everything to the left and back is yours, everything to the right is not.

but check your house deeds as it will confirm in there.

don’t give them anything. You’ve apologised and given flowers and they still behaved like children.

I tried for years to get rid of ivy in my old back garden, digging up roots an all. It just grew back within months. It was damaging your property. I'm sure she will get over it. I refuse to believe he's pulled it up by its roots in its entirety. That stuff will survive a nuclear blast.

It's ivy and will destroy a fence so best to get rid of it. They sound rather odd. Ivy grows really quickly.

If your Dad has pulled the ivy down from next door then the neighbour has every right to be upset.
i once a similar thing where a lady in the close behind my garden, stood on steps and chopped at my wisteria growing on my wall , which was in full flower.
My garden wall faced the street behind not even anyones garden. She was reaching over my wall and pulling it towards her to chop it !
i was really annoyed when I saw her and yelled at her to stop.

Well if they saw all this detail then why didn’t they stop him? It’s bloody Ivy - bastard stuff will be back in a week.

Watch Wimbledon next week - look at all the ivy over the building when they pan around - then think EVERY YEAR they pull ALL the ivy back off the building at the end of the fortnight and it grows back again in time for the next years championships !!! Not sure what your neighbours have done that it’s taken 20 years

Crying over a plant 🙄. Are you sure she is an adult?!

The woman cried about some Ivy?! Jesus Christ, that stuff grows like mad, so it will be back again in no time. As for buying her flowers and apologising - what?? I'd have said I don't want the Ivy all over my part and told her to act her age

I mean traditionally gardeners have been men for many many years, but sure what do they know right? 🙄

The ops neighbour deliberately encouraged the ivy to grow round the ops side of the fence. The sex of the person pruning it is entirely irrelevant to the situation.

It’s a weed where I live. The neighbours should have contained it to their side only.

Well, it is always good to have someone else's perspective too-perhaps they felt it as violation of sorts (resonating with their own life experiences?). Saying that, this is no reason for you to resonate in the same emotional frequency, rather, understand theirs and respond in a humane and measured way within your means. (If there was a golden standard and ruler of what is right and wrong we would be clones of each other 🧟‍♀️🧟‍♀️)

That's what I thought! We have fifteen year old ivy in our garden and it's as thick as my thigh. There's no way in hell someone could rip it out unintentionally.

YANBU it's nigh on impossible to kill ivy however hard you try.
That said I would have been inclined to buy her a couple of ivy plants instead of flowers by way of compensation.
It's not the end of the world really 😉