My feed
Premium

Please
or
to access all these features

AIBU?

Or is my neighbour?

263 replies

Barbiepink · 22/06/2022 19:16

While I was at work today I asked my dad if he would be able to come round and trim the ivy/weeds that are growing in our back garden.
He said he would.

I went to work, my dad messages me and tells me he’s done it.

I got home and went into the garden to check out the work.
My next door neighbour came out and told me in no uncertain terms that my dad had cut ivy from their side of the fence as well and he’d pulled it out by the roots.
She said she’d spent 20 years growing it in the way she wanted it to be.
Her husband said she’s been crying all afternoon.

I said I was so sorry and it wasn’t my intention, it was my fault for not communicating what I wanted correctly to my dad. I just wanted the weeds pulled out and the ivy trimmed back as it was starting to grow up through the paving slabs.

Anyway, they were very upset and on the war path.

I went out and bought her some flowers to say sorry and she nearly didn’t accept them, then did, even though she said she was still so upset she couldn’t talk about it.

I hate confrontation and I feel really uneasy tonight now. I’m not sure what to do for the best.

OP posts:
Report

Am I being unreasonable?

1053 votes. Final results.

POLL
You are being unreasonable
21%
You are NOT being unreasonable
79%
HangOnToYourself · 22/06/2022 19:21

Nobody is being unreasonable as such. Obviously it was an error on your part but you cant really do much about it now. You are unreasonable to expect your neighbour to immediately be fine if its something they care about, you need.to accept you have fucked up a bit

Report
Mrsbclinton · 22/06/2022 19:21

Seriously, its ivy….. it will grow back!!

Dont understand how your dad pulled it out by the roots unless he went over the fence & into their garden.

You apologised, and tried to make amends. They will get over it in time.

Report
HelpIneedsomebodywontyouplease · 22/06/2022 19:22

Well if he has reached over to their side of the fence, it isn’t them BU!

Report
IncompleteSenten · 22/06/2022 19:24

Have you asked your dad what he did?
How did he pull the roots out?

Report
Barbiepink · 22/06/2022 19:25

No he definitely didn’t reach over the fence.
They said he pulled it through, as it was growing on both sides of the fence.

OP posts:
Report
Barbiepink · 22/06/2022 19:27

They said he was pulling so hard that he pulled it out by the roots.

He says he didn’t. He just cut back whatever was on our side and left theirs.

So I have no idea what to think!

OP posts:
Report
FallopianTubeTrain · 22/06/2022 19:28

He could have aimed a nuclear missle at it and it'll all be back by the end of the week. Your neighbour will get over it, you apologised, nothing more you can do.

On the flipside my neighbour and I have a coordinated battle plan to destroy the masses of ivy that grows down the boundary line, it takes both of us tackling from either side to even remotely make a dent in the evil shit.

Report
GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 22/06/2022 19:28

Christ, it's ivy. It grows where it wants to.

Bollocks have they spent years growing it 'how they want it'.

I hope you pointed out that it was coming up through your paving slabs, therefore damaging your property.

Why on earth did you buy her a bunch of flowers? I'd have given her a bunch of the ivy...

Report
IncompleteSenten · 22/06/2022 19:28

Look at what he's cut off, you'll be able to see.

Report
Barbiepink · 22/06/2022 19:29

I said about it growing back but they said it’s taken 20 years to grow it the way they want it to.

OP posts:
Report
CheapNcheerful · 22/06/2022 19:32

It seems to me the neighbour is making a mountain out of a molehill and sounds like a bit of a drama queen over a plant. I dunno, it's the impression I'm getting. I'd take my dads word for it over a neighbour.
And the fact she was going to refuse the flowers seems a bit dramatic.

Report
BlanketsBanned · 22/06/2022 19:32

Will she let you go round and actually see for yourself what she claims he did

Report
CheapNcheerful · 22/06/2022 19:33

I'd just avoid them and politely nod if you see them and leave it at that. Trust your dads word

Report
ImAvingOops · 22/06/2022 19:35

Ivy is a fucking menace. She has no business growing something that is damaging your property, then whinging when you remove it!
Besides, it will grow back in about 5 minutes!

Report
Sapphirensteel · 22/06/2022 19:36

Your dad would have to pull very hard to rip out ivy roots that have been growing for 20 years. Seems like a huge overreaction from your neighbour. It’s ivy, it’ll grow back.
You’ve apologised, offered flowers, you’ve done enough.

Report
AssignedSlytherinAtBirth · 22/06/2022 19:37

I think you handled it as well as you could have. Has any of it got roots that they could replant? Her reaction seems a bit extreme, although it's a valuable plant for bees because it flowers in winter when not much else does. It's hard to imagine your Dad pulling out something that covers the whole of their fence without him noticing. Maybe the roots were on your side? In which case, it's your plant!

Report
CheapNcheerful · 22/06/2022 19:38

We actually had a neighbour cut our hedge once without asking and it looked awful. He's an older guy who gets lonely and likes to keep busy. We was over it in about 10 minutes thinking it will grow back and we didn't say anything to him.

Report
EarthquakesinEastActon · 22/06/2022 19:40

Whose fence is it, OP? If it’s yours you can insist they don’t grow anything on it at all without permission.

Report
BlanketsBanned · 22/06/2022 19:40

Its pretty unlikely that one man could pull up 20 years of ivy through the bottom of a fence

Report
Georgeskitchen · 22/06/2022 19:41

If its encroaching on your garden your entitled to remove it ,neighbour sounds a right drama queen!!

Report
girlmom21 · 22/06/2022 19:42

Your neighbours a bit dramatic to spend the whole afternoon crying over ivy.

Report
LookAtMyCircumstance · 22/06/2022 19:43

DH hs spent the last couple of days with a chainsaw hacking through 6 years worth of ivy growing up a tree. He had to buy the chainsaw as nothing else would get through. I think your neighbour is exaggerating somewhat. And even if she is, give it 6 months and it'll be back the way it was.

Report

Don’t want to miss threads like this?

Weekly

Sign up to our weekly round up and get all the best threads sent straight to your inbox!

Log in to update your newsletter preferences.

You've subscribed!

TheWayoftheLeaf · 22/06/2022 19:46

Sounds like they're talking shit. Anyway their ivy shouldn't be on your side at all so they're in the wrong.

Report
Choccyp1g · 22/06/2022 19:52

Where do you live ? If it's anywhere near me, I'll pay your Dad good money if he can get the ivy out of my garden.

Report
elessar · 22/06/2022 19:53

Wow I thought I'd heard it all. Ivy is a weed, what's wrong with them?

It's malignant and impossible to get rid of. Absolutely baffled at the notion of someone crying over it being cut.

It will grow back in about ten minutes and if it has been growing for 20 years then no way could your dad have removed it from their side without serious surgery - we had to axe through some Ivy roots underneath our fence recently and it still hasn't killed the bastard!

Report
Please create an account

To comment on this thread you need to create a Mumsnet account.