Or is my neighbour?

[Barbiepink]

While I was at work today I asked my dad if he would be able to come round and trim the ivy/weeds that are growing in our back garden.
He said he would.

I went to work, my dad messages me and tells me he’s done it.

I got home and went into the garden to check out the work.
My next door neighbour came out and told me in no uncertain terms that my dad had cut ivy from their side of the fence as well and he’d pulled it out by the roots.
She said she’d spent 20 years growing it in the way she wanted it to be.
Her husband said she’s been crying all afternoon.

I said I was so sorry and it wasn’t my intention, it was my fault for not communicating what I wanted correctly to my dad. I just wanted the weeds pulled out and the ivy trimmed back as it was starting to grow up through the paving slabs.

Anyway, they were very upset and on the war path.

I went out and bought her some flowers to say sorry and she nearly didn’t accept them, then did, even though she said she was still so upset she couldn’t talk about it.

I hate confrontation and I feel really uneasy tonight now. I’m not sure what to do for the best.

[mm40]

@Barbiepink

I said about it growing back but they said it’s taken 20 years to grow it the way they want it to.

They’re talking bollocks. It’ll be back as soon as look at it. Horrible stuff.

[Staffy1]

@Barbiepink

I said about it growing back but they said it’s taken 20 years to grow it the way they want it to.

They are being ridiculous. It doesn’t take much for ivy to grow everywhere, it will be back soon and they can trim it into the shape they want. Can’t imagine how it took twenty years unless they had an intricate, 3D ivy exotic animal display or something.

[helpamom]

Tell them to get over it.

[AmazingBouncingFerret]

Taken 20 years to grow ivy?
fuck me, thought I was bad at gardening…

[Barbiepink]

This morning they’re throwing all the ivy cuttings from their side into our garden.

[ImAvingOops]

That would wind me up, it's needlessly passive aggressive when you've already told them it was accidental! Time to get someone out to poison the roots from your side I think!

[Bednobsbroomsticks]

Aw I feel bad for your dad. You've apologised. They need to lighten up. Can't say I'd ever cry over ivy.

[OhmygodDont]

They need to get over it. It’s ivy ffs. Infact it should be banned from sale.

Anything that’s your side your entitled to cut off rip off whatever. If and HUGE if you dad managed to pull some so hard a bit of root was taken then they should of been making sure their weeds stay in their garden.

[DorothyZbornakIsAQueen]

Whose cuttings are they throwing over? If your dad cut your side, what are they throwing over? He must have cut it on their side too?

[Lazyteens]

Your Dad shouldn’t have removed Ivy from their side (if that is what happened), but it sounds as though you handled it well by apologising. That’s all you can do.

This resonates with me, however, as our neighbours have just cut the length of our native species hedge (despite it being nesting season) over 18 inches into our garden (ie 18 inches from the bounds fence into our garden)and then have been absolutely horrible about it - gaslighting and offensive. They have form for this.

[TodaysSocks]

What is it with ivy disputes at the moment? This is the 3rd on mn in the last week!

They are being dickish. I could well imagine you could pull ivy hard enough to uproot some of it the other side of the fence: it has strong roots many of which are shallow rooted. But an accident is an accident and you have apologised. To continue to be upset is one thing but to continue to try to make you feel bad for it is just being a twat.

[LadyEloise1]

I wish your Dad would come and cut down the ivy on my wall and fence @Barbiepink

[PAFMO]

Mumsnet fence threads are bizarre.

There were about 4 last week saying that neighbours shouldn't even sit in their own garden if they could be seen from over the fence. Yet now they're supposed to suck it up if their plant gets pulled under and destroyed. (Whatever the plant is)

Obviously (and legally) your neighbours are in the right about this. That said, you've apologized so there's little else you can do. Not your fault, and it should be your dad apologizing really, but definitely not your neighbour's fault.

[IstayedForTheFeminism]

@Choccyp1g

Where do you live ? If it's anywhere near me, I'll pay your Dad good money if he can get the ivy out of my garden.

Same!

[CrotchetyQuaver]

Your neighbour sounds absolutely ridiculous
20 year old ivy would be a hell of a job to remove.
Let them play their petty little game up chucking it all over and deal with it later!

[PutinIsAWarCriminal]

This morning they’re throwing all the ivy cuttings from their side into our garden
Then he obviously did cut it from their side, otherwise there would be nothing to throw over. It doesn't matter what people's personal opinions on ivy are, he has overstepped. You need to be going over there and seeing what you can do to make it right. Perhaps offer to set new plants with a temporary false ivy screen, so they get the same effect?

[SliceOfCakeCupOfTea]

Tbf, ivy winds either side of the fence and loops back round. So if he's cut your side it's likely it would have affected their side as well. If it was a particularly knotty clump it could make a bald patch as the severed bits fell away.
My neighbour has crazy ivy which coats our bottom fence. Looks nice but I have to cut it back loads and they whinge sometimes that it thins out their side too.

Tbh, I'd just assume that the reaction from your neighbour may have been straw that broke the camels back type thing.

[ihatethefuckingmuffin]

Perhaps her dad threw the ivy into their garden when he was cutting it, just like you do when you cut branches from your neighbours tree when they are hanging over your garden.

[Snowflakes1122]

Ivy destroys fences. Horrible stuff. She is BU to grow something invasive that will be time consuming for the neighbouring house to manage. If it is your fence, you are within your rights to tell her she can’t grow it against your property.

[Dontfuckingsaycheese]

@ihatethefuckingmuffin You offer the branches back. Not chuck all the debris over their side.

[Namechangepleas]

She needs to get a life. How sad.

[UnshakenNeedsStirring]

Can you please ask your dad to come around to mine? Neighbours ivy is coming into my garden. Unlike you I dont care about my neighbours if they complain about bloody ivy. You done enough for them by apologising and getting flowers. Your neighbour is daft and dramatic

[QuillBill]

I love how your dad now has a new career and a Mumsneters Ivy Remover.

It does sound like he's meddled on their side if there are cuttings in their garden.

[UtterlyUnimaginativeUsername]

20 years of ivy growth could eat a house. I'm locked in an endless battle against it and brambles invading my garden from the hedgerow at the side. Can I join the waiting list for your dad, please?

[Barbiepink]

They told me yesterday that they cut the bits off their side because where my dad had pulled some by the roots he had damaged theirs and they’d all started dying, or something like that.

It winds around the fence on both our sides , but my neighbour has trained it like that, so that t grows in that way.