Or is my neighbour?

[Barbiepink]

While I was at work today I asked my dad if he would be able to come round and trim the ivy/weeds that are growing in our back garden.
He said he would.

I went to work, my dad messages me and tells me he’s done it.

I got home and went into the garden to check out the work.
My next door neighbour came out and told me in no uncertain terms that my dad had cut ivy from their side of the fence as well and he’d pulled it out by the roots.
She said she’d spent 20 years growing it in the way she wanted it to be.
Her husband said she’s been crying all afternoon.

I said I was so sorry and it wasn’t my intention, it was my fault for not communicating what I wanted correctly to my dad. I just wanted the weeds pulled out and the ivy trimmed back as it was starting to grow up through the paving slabs.

Anyway, they were very upset and on the war path.

I went out and bought her some flowers to say sorry and she nearly didn’t accept them, then did, even though she said she was still so upset she couldn’t talk about it.

I hate confrontation and I feel really uneasy tonight now. I’m not sure what to do for the best.

If it has been trained to grow through the fence on both sides and then your dad cut back everything on your side of the fence, then it will have fallen off their side too. He might have managed to take quite a chunk off.

The problem is, they might have planned it to do that and had it like that for years, but if it is within your boundary then you can take it off. Anything withings your boundary and be chopped off. If that means parts on her side fall then that's her fault for growing it into your garden.

Exactly this.

I did this with my neighbour, but fortunately they didn't get too upset. Ivy is really difficult to cut back on your own side without pulling some through or severing stems that are growing on the other side, as it grows through the fence as well as from the ground. I think you really have to live with that if you want to grow it on a shared wall or fence - sometimes your neighbour's pruning will cause a bit of damage on the other side.

My old neighbour did the same to me, which I was annoyed about, as I'd grown it to hide my view into their garden, and it was a slow growing variety of ivy, so it had taken about 5 or 6 years to get to that point, so it's true that your neighbour could have been growing it for a long time - not all ivy is the wild, fast growing type.

She sounds a bit precious so YANBU, I'm sure she'll get over it, and it was very nice of you to buy flowers.

Don't do anything else you have apologised and bought flowers. More than I would have done. I believe your dad for what it's worth throwing bits over your fence is petty and tbh I would just ignore them now.

Don't mean to jump on but how about if you leaned over the fence to cur branches off tree and ivy that was going over into neighbours garden? They're our plants like. I have never spoken to them.

Also we have rats out there now so won't be going out til theyre gone.

You apologised, explained, bought flowers, do no more. It's ivy, it will grow back. total overreaction on her side

She's being ridiculous. I cut away ALL the ivy off our wall last year, none in the neighbours, not a leaf in sight. One year later my wall is half covered in the bloody stuff! It has not taken 20 years to grow and it'll look the same with in a couple if months. And if their plants are growing though your paving slabs it's damaging your property. It's their responsibility to keep their plants off your property. So in future they can do it instead of your dad.

It definitely could have happened. If he's pulling on your ivy that's connected to theirs, he is going to disrupt theirs and possibly ruin/kill it.

It was a mistake and neither you or your dad intended to disrupt their side.

You have apologised and taken the flowers round. I think that's more than enough and I wouldn't bother doing anymore. Them chucking the cuttings over to your side is very rude and like they want to fall out with you. I wouldn't mention it again and just be friendly when you see them.

I haven't got time to read the ft but am curious as to whose fence it is? If it is your fence you have every right to pull the ivy off. If the roots are on your side then you can pull those out too.

The ivy on our garden is on neighbours fence, but it would grow into our garden by a long way if allowed to grow.

It gets cut back to the fence, it's not allowed to go into our garden.

I would tell them to stop it growing on your side of the fence (as if they can!!) if they don't want you to pull it out as it's causing damage to your property, you don't want it on your property and so you'll remove it if it grows on your property. They have no right to tell you what to do with your property and, if they don't want you to trim it and potentially cause damage, they need to stop 'their' ivy growing on your property.

We had ivy in our fence that had been growing for about 20 years. DH had to wrestle it out with a pickaxe and shovel. If your dad has managed to pull 20 year old ivy out by the roots by hand he is my hero and may I borrow him for the rest of our fence please?
Your neighbour is being a twit.

That's the problem with neighbours - never show weakness or they will never let up.

You have already done this by buying flowers and listening to their bullshit.

It grows like a bastard and is almost impossible to kill.

Don't do anything else!! If they're being petty enough to throw bits over into your garden, I wouldn't be rushing to appease them any further than you have. If anything more gets said, tell them it's damaging the lay of your slabs (can't remember now exactly what you said but you know what I mean) and it's for both of your benefit that it needed cut back, it's theirs, not yours. They'd be the ones needing to pay to fix your side if something they're growing damages it.
It's all good to be disappointed but their reaction now is ridiculous. Technically, as with overhanging branches, you could even pull all the cut ivy from your bin and offer it back to them/throw it back into theirs! But you're clearly far more decent than they are. Let them wallow in their own self pity and just avoid/ignore any further interaction with them (unless they ramp it up in which case, you'll have to stand your ground firmly) good luck op, some neighbours are just mental.

Total drama queen! If an established tree or a beautiful, delicate rose had been damaged, I'd sympathise, but ivy?! It takes over in no time. She must have the blackest thumbs in the history of gardening if she's taken 20 years to get ivy to grow up a low fence!

I think you've done enough to apologise with the flowers. If you do decide to give them an ivy plant (they're inexpensive, in my experience), you'll have gone above and beyond.

Our neighbour moved in and cut all the ivy back on his side. It made bits on our side die and go brown as it had grown up going in and out the holes in the fence.

I would never say anything as he is totally allowed to cut stuff back on his side!

Some people hate ivy and would always cut it back. I quite like it. But most people don't!

They are getting confused as the bits that have died on their side are the bits that were cut on your side lower down. You are allowed to do that.

If your dad cut a bit on your side then pulled it he was totally allowed to do that.

The roots on their side will still be there. Unless they actually saw him pulling the roots up, (why would he?) and if so why didn't they just say something, the ninnies?

I would also be sorry in your position but you havent done anything wrong and they wouldn't have a leg to stand on legally, as they should not have let their plants grow into your garden in the first place.

How on earth could he have pulled 20 years worth of ivy through your fence without realising and there being mountains of the stuff?

She's probably being a tad dramatic! You've apologised and taken flowers - leave it at that.

Barbiepink · Today 13:01

Thats why I bought the flowers as I was worried that my dad had gone a bit over board and maybe pulled something from their side accidentally, but that’s because they are all attached with ours. Their ivy was growing down into our yard, but I just wanted my dad to trim it really. I have apologised.

I’m just trying to decide whether to buy an ivy plant or not and maybe a sorry card.

Oh - for goodness sake! Of course you do not buy them anything. It is IVY! It will grow within seconds.

Storm in a yea cup. It's ivy, if it had been growing for 20 years it would be covering the whole house and most of the street. It'll be back in weeks

I’m thinking maybe I should offer to buy an ivy plant? Or just buy one from the garden centre and give it to them.

That's a nice gesture. I think people are right in saying that your dad is unlikely to have pulled up the ivy by the roots (it's a tricky plant to get rid of. They've exaggerated in the 20 years but it will take a couple at least. I think I'd be upset. Though it wasn't your fault.

We had a weird situation in that there was ivy growing over our side of a wall (very nice it looked) and the neighbour cut it on their side without warning. So the first we knew about it was a lot of brown ivy on our wall needing throwing away. We didn't mention it, though. It was a wall in a distant part of the garden, neighbours were nice enough from the little we knew of them.

Please stop pandering to them. They are being utterly ridiculous and the more your apologies and give them flowers and plants, the more power it gives them and the more it looks as though you are admitting you are in the wrong.

You and your Dad did nothing wrong!

I've been trying to get rid of ivy for the last two years, it is thriving. If your father has the secret of getting rid of ivy can you send him round?

This is the root of my 17 year old ivy. If your Dad pulled that out with his bare hands he needs to consider entering World's Strongest Man competitions.

Your neighbour is being ridiculous.

I pulled a shit load of Ivy and Virginia Creeper from my fences yesterday, we are backed by over 10 gardens each side, its a bloody nightmare!

Ivy just doesn't pull like that, its hard to pull and snap (only new shoots do), especially from the root, whilst the shape may have changed, due to some pulling, it will grow back just fine.

If people looked after their plants so they didn't encroach on other peoples property, it wouldn't happen, simple.

Don't buy an Ivy, you have done more than enough apologising and buying flowers, otherwise you'll be clearing that one away in a few years too.

In future cut it back, dont pull, but cut right at the fence line.

So, if I have understood this correctly:

They decided they would grow their ivy in such a way they deliberately grew it on your property
They then threw a hissy fit when you, quite within your rights; chopped it back on your side
They are now cutting it down on their side and throwing the cuttings over into your garden even though its their plant and their responsibility to dispose of the clippings?

I wouldn't worry about whether you upset them any more they clearly don't give a shit about your feelings, or how their behaviour encroaches on your space