Or is my neighbour?

[Barbiepink]

While I was at work today I asked my dad if he would be able to come round and trim the ivy/weeds that are growing in our back garden.
He said he would.

I went to work, my dad messages me and tells me he’s done it.

I got home and went into the garden to check out the work.
My next door neighbour came out and told me in no uncertain terms that my dad had cut ivy from their side of the fence as well and he’d pulled it out by the roots.
She said she’d spent 20 years growing it in the way she wanted it to be.
Her husband said she’s been crying all afternoon.

I said I was so sorry and it wasn’t my intention, it was my fault for not communicating what I wanted correctly to my dad. I just wanted the weeds pulled out and the ivy trimmed back as it was starting to grow up through the paving slabs.

Anyway, they were very upset and on the war path.

I went out and bought her some flowers to say sorry and she nearly didn’t accept them, then did, even though she said she was still so upset she couldn’t talk about it.

I hate confrontation and I feel really uneasy tonight now. I’m not sure what to do for the best.

[FictionalCharacter]

Neighbour is overreacting but nobody should interfere with plants on someone else’s side of the fence, whether or not they are wild plants or if you don’t like them.
We value the ivy in our garden. Birds nest in it, and in the winter it’s an important food source for birds.

[TollgateDebs]

You can pull Ivy by the roots until the cows come home, it will be back. It strangles other plants, pulls moisture and the weight breaks fences, destroys tree and can make branches break before their time. Give it a month or so and it will be back!

[LakieLady]

@Barbiepink

This morning they’re throwing all the ivy cuttings from their side into our garden.

Oh dear. I'm afraid I'd be pretty pissed off if a neighbour left a load of cuttings in my garden, after cutting back a plant I didn't want cut.

I certainly wouldn't want to have to take it all to the tip myself!

[Choccyp1g]

Barbiepink · Today 09:32
They told me yesterday that they cut the bits off their side because where my dad had pulled some by the roots he had damaged theirs and they’d all started dying, or something like that.
It winds around the fence on both our sides , but my neighbour has trained it like that, so that t grows in that way.

So they've been storing half their ivy in your garden?

FictionalCharacter · Today 12:03
Neighbour is overreacting but nobody should interfere with plants on someone else’s side of the fence, whether or not they are wild plants or if you don’t like them.

by the same token nobody should poke their plants through the fence into their neighbour's garden.

[Ofcourseandyouknowit]

@Barbiepink sounds very frustrating, but if I had to guess from what you’ve described - there is something else going on in your neighbour’s personal life that for whatever reason she doesn’t feel able to react to appropriately. It’s easy to psychoanalyse from a distance but when someone is that upset about something that possibly didn’t even happen- there’s usually more too it.

Who knows what it could be but top candidates for what’s really going on: fight between neighbour couple that hasn’t been resolved so they are teaming up against a common external “enemy”; bad diagnosis of one of them or a loved one which they feel they have no control over; a recent death in the family they haven’t been able to come to grips with. Grief psychosis is a thing.
I wouldn’t worry too much more about it for now, just avoid them for a bit and let the calm down you’ve done all you can do.

[WilsonMilson]

Your neighbours sound unhinged, and I wouldn’t be pandering to their nonsense.

It’s ivy ffs, it is an invasive weed will grow back quickly - as for them cultivating it the way they wanted it for 20 years, what melodramatic bullshit.

The weeping and wailing about it too - load of old cobblers. I wouldn’t entertain any more of their shite and I certainly wouldn’t be giving flowers or grovelling.

[MinnieGirl]

This is ridiculous!
Ivy is a nightmare, and does not take 20 years to grow….
You have apologised for causing upset and given them flowers. Which you didn’t need to do.
Do not accept any liability. Your dad was clearing the Ivy your side as you are entitled to do as it’s such a destructive plant. End of….
But look at your deeds and find out who owns the fence….. if it’s you, tell them you don’t want any ivy in your fence as it will destroy it.

[Meraas]

Or is my neighbour?

Why would you think your neighbour is being unreasonable, OP?

YABU for not supervising happening in your home, saying you weren’t there is no excuse.

This morning they’re throwing all the ivy cuttings from their side into our garden.

Good for them.

[Knittedfairies]

Unless your dad is Superman I doubt he pulled the ivy out by the roots. It gets into a tangled mess; it took us weeks to get rid of the thug growing up the outside of our house. It looked pretty, but it had grown under the slates on the roof and bent a gas pipe while my back was turned.

[SmartCarDriver]

@Meraas

Or is my neighbour?

Why would you think your neighbour is being unreasonable, OP?

YABU for not supervising happening in your home, saying you weren’t there is no excuse.

This morning they’re throwing all the ivy cuttings from their side into our garden.

Good for them.

Are you the batshit neighbour?

[RosieRoww]

Ivy is growing like a crazy, it hardly took 20 years imo.

[SilverBirchWithout]

From your description it sounds like an ornamental ivy growing back and forwards through a low wire fence creating an attractive screen.
On this thread others are imagining a huge invasive dark green monster.
Which is it OP?

[SmartCarDriver]

@FictionalCharacter

Neighbour is overreacting but nobody should interfere with plants on someone else’s side of the fence, whether or not they are wild plants or if you don’t like them.
We value the ivy in our garden. Birds nest in it, and in the winter it’s an important food source for birds.

That's great, but if you're my neighbour I don't want your plants on my side of the fence, growing in my garden.

Ivy is horribly ugly and destructive.

[LakieLady]

I'm intrigued by it "winding round" the fence. Is it chain link or something with big gaps that the neighbours are trying to cover with the ivy, to give them more privacy? If so, I can understand them being upset.

The neighbours at the back of me have ivy growing all over the fence on their side, but it doesn't get through the close-boarded fence. It climbs up their side and over the top! I wish they'd get rid of the bloody stuff, as I can barely reach to cut it back (garden slopes uphill on my side).

They've also let old man's beard run rampant in their garden, and that's a fucking nightmare.

[SilverBirchWithout]

I’d be furious if I was the neighbour, your Dad had no right whatsoever to pull roots through from their side.
Whether people like or dislike ivy is not the issue here, he damaged their garden and destroyed something they loved.
You both need to go round and see what you can do to tidy the damage, and buy a replacement climber of their choice. Handle your response well and you will maintain a good relationship with your neighbours, rather than future experience years of bad feelings.

[FruitFlies]

You should have discussed this with your neighbours and I believe they could claim damaged but I don't know how much they realistically could get for ivy.

The story looks like either the neighbour is overreacting because she is 'unhinged' like been said up thread, or you and your dad are minimising what actually happened because it's in your interest to downplay your actions/damage.

Your neighbour would need evidence, photos namely.

[Libre2]

@Barbiepink

I just spoke to a friend and they said that the neighbours might try and get compensation or take us to court.

Does that sound likely?

No - not in the slightest bit likely!!

[FruitFlies]

@SilverBirchWithout Yes, quite. I think people are mixing their dislike for ivy with the legal and moral issues here.

[Cervinia]

For goodness sake, go round and ask for the flowers back and if her ivy trespasses into your garden again you will seek legal advice as it’s a menace and uncontrollable and grows everywhere in weeks.

My neighbours planted it a few years ago to cover a walk, the wall in about ten foot and it’s completely covered and grown right to the trees adjoining their garden, down through the privet hedge and is now snaking its way through my fence. I lob it off all the time

[mam0918]

We have ivy and that stuff is hard to remove.

The photos advertising our house showed the ivy and I like the look of ivy but it wasnt there when we viewed/moved in so I just thought 'oh... well' now its 10 years later and back to how it was in the photos we originally saw.

It doesnt grow back instantly if properly removed it does take years but that said its really hard to remove it. I have been going at it with knives and scissors just to get out of my front door... feels like Im living in a game of jumanji.

[Meraas]

@SmartCarDriver

Are you the batshit neighbour?

Are you going to single any one else out as batshit for thinking the OP was wrong or just single me out?

[ClaireEclair]

It’s almost impossible to pull Ivy out by the roots. Is your dad Thor? 😁

[PAFMO]

@FruitFlies

@SilverBirchWithout Yes, quite. I think people are mixing their dislike for ivy with the legal and moral issues here.

Quite.
I don't like ivy.
But I'm well aware that I don't get to mess around with my neighbour's garden.
The comments about the neighbours being unhinged are, erm, unhinged.

[Barbiepink]

Thats why I bought the flowers as I was worried that my dad had gone a bit over board and maybe pulled something from their side accidentally, but that’s because they are all attached with ours. Their ivy was growing down into our yard, but I just wanted my dad to trim it really. I have apologised.

I’m just trying to decide whether to buy an ivy plant or not and maybe a sorry card.

[NegativeNelly]

@GreenFingersWouldBeHandy

Christ, it's ivy. It grows where it wants to.

Bollocks have they spent years growing it 'how they want it'.

I hope you pointed out that it was coming up through your paving slabs, therefore damaging your property.

Why on earth did you buy her a bunch of flowers? I'd have given her a bunch of the ivy...

😂😂😂 literally my thoughts exactly too