Or is my neighbour?

[Barbiepink]

While I was at work today I asked my dad if he would be able to come round and trim the ivy/weeds that are growing in our back garden.
He said he would.

I went to work, my dad messages me and tells me he’s done it.

I got home and went into the garden to check out the work.
My next door neighbour came out and told me in no uncertain terms that my dad had cut ivy from their side of the fence as well and he’d pulled it out by the roots.
She said she’d spent 20 years growing it in the way she wanted it to be.
Her husband said she’s been crying all afternoon.

I said I was so sorry and it wasn’t my intention, it was my fault for not communicating what I wanted correctly to my dad. I just wanted the weeds pulled out and the ivy trimmed back as it was starting to grow up through the paving slabs.

Anyway, they were very upset and on the war path.

I went out and bought her some flowers to say sorry and she nearly didn’t accept them, then did, even though she said she was still so upset she couldn’t talk about it.

I hate confrontation and I feel really uneasy tonight now. I’m not sure what to do for the best.

[tulips27]

It does matter whether it is or isn't a plant that grows back quickly, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of ivy but them; no neighbour has the right to cut something down that is growing in their neighbour's garden and all the posters saying it doesn't matter are wrong. It is trespass.

You've clearly deeply upset this woman (perhaps there is something else going on too) and it would be best to sort it out or you'll be looking at a neighbour dispute which can make both of your lives hell.

I suggest apologising again, offering to clear the cuttings and buying a nice climbing plant for her.

[tulips27]

*doesn't matter

[custardbear]

Ffs what are they like! We had ivy at our house as children, it had thick stems and would need some hefty blokes or machetes to get it down, and that was probably 10 years of growing. It'll grow back soon enough. They should bloody train it to not invade your garden if they're that bloody picky about how it grows - does she work? Or is she one of these idiots with too much time in their hands and get overly emotional and overly involved about everything?

[custardbear]

@tulips27

It does matter whether it is or isn't a plant that grows back quickly, it doesn't matter what anyone else thinks of ivy but them; no neighbour has the right to cut something down that is growing in their neighbour's garden and all the posters saying it doesn't matter are wrong. It is trespass.

You've clearly deeply upset this woman (perhaps there is something else going on too) and it would be best to sort it out or you'll be looking at a neighbour dispute which can make both of your lives hell.

I suggest apologising again, offering to clear the cuttings and buying a nice climbing plant for her.

I'm pretty sure OP explained her dad cut it from their side, and didn't go into their garden

[SheWoreYellow]

I think the people who don’t like ivy are missing the point. If he’s damaged the roots then that’s overstepping.
It actually sounds more like his trimming on your side has then impacted their side, which is unavoidable. If they wanted it to be unaffected then they need to not tuck it into next door before it comes back to them.

But the whole ‘ivy is horrible’ is not relevant.

[Barbiepink]

I bought her a bunch of flowers yesterday and took them round, although she was reluctant to accept them.

I’m thinking maybe I should offer to buy an ivy plant? Or just buy one from the garden centre and give it to them.

[tulips27]

@custardbear You can only cut up to the property line, leaning over the boundary to trim also constitutes trespass.

[PenCreed]

@Barbiepink

I bought her a bunch of flowers yesterday and took them round, although she was reluctant to accept them.

I’m thinking maybe I should offer to buy an ivy plant? Or just buy one from the garden centre and give it to them.

@Barbiepink Do not buy them anything. They're unhinged.

[Barbiepink]

@tulips27 he definitely didn’t lean over the boundary line. He was pulling it from our side but because our side is linked with their side, it obviously pulled some of theirs loose too. That’s the only thing I can imagine happened.

[HoppingPavlova]

What a pair of wankers. No idea what sort of ivy they have that takes twenty years to get right. The stuff grows like a bastard, not exactly a once in a twenty year opportunity! It’s a case of looking for something to be upset and outraged at.

[steppemum]

@Barbiepink

They told me yesterday that they cut the bits off their side because where my dad had pulled some by the roots he had damaged theirs and they’d all started dying, or something like that.

It winds around the fence on both our sides , but my neighbour has trained it like that, so that t grows in that way.

OK, so I am thinking that what actually happened was that he cut it all on your side, and that means that where it comes through on to your side and then loops back, some of the stuff of her side has died.

That is actually tough shit.
You are allowed to remove all the ivy form your side. Your fence, your garden. If she wants ivy then she grows it so that it does not come on to your side.
When she has calmed down a bit I suggest that you talke to her and make it clear that while she is free to have it how she wants it, any that comes over will get cut.

I had a beautiful clematis, huge, years old, and a large garden wall. Clematis grows up the wall, loops a bit and hangs a bit over (like and elbow resting on top of the wall) and the grows over a pergola in my garden. Huge.
There is a school field on the other side of the wall. The wall is 6 foot tall on their side. Where the clematis is in an unused quiet corner. The contractors went along the wall and cut everything hanging over. By cutting the 'elbow' they killed all the clematis growing over the pergola. Literally 20 years worth!
I did complain to them, I know they are technically allowed to, but there was absolutely no reason to, and they could have knocked on my door, or pushed the 'elbow' over the wall to my side, for me to deal with. But, they are legally allowed to.

[UnshakenNeedsStirring]

@Barbiepink

I bought her a bunch of flowers yesterday and took them round, although she was reluctant to accept them.

I’m thinking maybe I should offer to buy an ivy plant? Or just buy one from the garden centre and give it to them.

They sound crazy. I wouldnt bother. You are too nice OP.

[MenopauseSucks]

Whose fence is it?

[stayathomegardener]

Gardener here, something isn't adding up.
Is it common wild ivy or a special domestic variety? Variegated leaves or similar.
DH severed a 50+ year ivy round the base of an ash tree this winter, it took 8 weeks to see the leaves start to wilt because they are so waxy.
I recently cut a cultivated ivy back from round a property, put some stems in a pot to take cuttings, forgot and they still looked fresh several weeks later.
Their ivy definitely shouldn't be on your side, can you post a non identifying picture?

[ColadhSamh]

Whose fence is it? You said they have trained it to around both sides of the fence, if so did you agree to that for your side?

[Barbiepink]

@ColadhSamh I don’t really know whose fence it is. We moved in about 4 years ago and they have lived there for around 30 years.
it’s an unusual set up as they’re yards, not gardens and they have low fences.

[Agapornis]

"he had damaged theirs and they’d all started dying, or something like that."

Total bullshit, ivy does not start wilting within a day. I wouldn't buy them anything you've done your best, but definitely don't buy an ivy plant, you'll just end up with the same problem. Maybe a clematis.
I've just tackled a quarter of 20 year old ivy with a chainsaw and loppers because it was destroying the fence and I couldn't access the shed. I've drilled in glyphosate ecoplugs to the stumps in my garden and it's still nowhere near dead. Neighbour whinged a bit, but I will replace it with a climber that's easier to maintain...eventually.

[Throckmorton]

To be fair, ivy can take decades to reach the stage of flowering, which is when it's really useful for pollinators etc, so theoretically the 20-year stuff isn't as mad as it sounds. However, there is no way your dad managed to pull out 20-year-old ivy roots without noticing, so it sounds like she's exaggerating there!

[stayathomegardener]

If it's a low fence it can't be a 20 year old common ivy.
A domestic variegated variety would pull out pretty easily and could be sentimental.
Many in gardens I see we're indoor floral gifts that have been planted outside.

[tulips27]

@Barbiepink Oh I see, well that's different then , I suppose. Difficult situation. You probably shouldn't buy anything if that's the case.

[MangoBiscuit]

20 year old ivy growth got pulled through the fence by your Dad? Unless he's the hulk, I call bullshit.

[Lightningrain]

It sounds like a massive overreaction on the neighbours’ part.

What do they expect you to do when it’s growing through into your garden and damaging your flags?

I hate the stuff and our garden was overrun with it when we bought the house. It still tries to grow back every year even though we’ve pulled as many roots out as we can.

[Barbiepink]

I just spoke to a friend and they said that the neighbours might try and get compensation or take us to court.

Does that sound likely?

[Tiani4]

@Barbiepink

@ColadhSamh I don’t really know whose fence it is. We moved in about 4 years ago and they have lived there for around 30 years.
it’s an unusual set up as they’re yards, not gardens and they have low fences.

The key part is whose fence is it. If it is your fence then their growing Ivy in it may be damaging the fence and you can say they need to remove it sue to the damage. However I wouldn't argue over a fence!

Your Dad had every right to cut back what was growing in your side but he should not have been pulling it through the fence as that was a plant on their side ! Your NdN is unreasonable to throw their side Ivy debris over the fence - you can bag that up and deposit it back at front of their house to return it. But I probably wouldn't do that as it'll aggravate them.

Look- I've learnt not to let my Dad loose in my garden, as some Dads tend to get carried away in hacking back things and not think about taking care over plants and impact on the plants.

(I try to supervise my Dad and say stop now (!) when he gets hacking too much as he's the "Dad killer of mature shrubs"!! Although he helped me sort my Ivy out very effectively!!)

I don't think you need to apologise anymore than you have. As others said it'll grow back fairly swiftly!

You can look up your deeds (it's about £7 to get an official copy) from this website (don't go to other websites as they charge extortionately for same thing) to try to find out who owns the boundary fence that side

www.gov.uk/get-information-about-property-and-land/copies-of-deeds

[AdobeWanKenobi]

I’ve been trying to grow ivy into a fence with Virginia creeper for 4 years. It’s still tiny. I’m quite jealous of all your rampant plants here.