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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To let my boys play football/basketball in my garden?

287 replies

mrsh1807 · 21/06/2022 23:11

My neighbours have sent me a couple of very unpleasant text messages telling me to stop my boys playing football in our garden as they don’t want to hear it.

I don’t know what to do. I’m feeling really anxious to be honest. They’ve never raised it as a concern before the messages, and the tone was intimidating.

I replied to the first one suggesting we reach an agreement where we can all enjoy our gardens, and this was responded to by them telling, not asking, me to send them to the park down the road. Those were their words, telling not asking. They’re in their early 50s.

Boys are 11 and 15. We have a decent sized garden.

I’m a single parent so feel I’m an easy target.

Do I have any options other than moving house?!

Thanks.

OP posts:
KosherDill · 22/06/2022 02:27

Send them to the park. That's why parks exist in residential areas.

KosherDill · 22/06/2022 02:27

mrsh1807 · 21/06/2022 23:18

They’re bouncing the ball. Kicking it at the goal. Playing basketball.

They can go to the park sometimes yes.

So the consensus is the boys should not play in their garden?

Yes.

PyongyangKipperbang · 22/06/2022 02:35

"They are not breaking any laws, criminal or civil, and as you are not accepting or offering any compromise I am happy to cooperate if you wish to refer this to the Council."

They wont as they will know that they will need to declare a neighbour dispute if/when they wish to sell their house.

Sounds like he is a dick having a bad day and decided to take it out on you. Count you blessings that you dont actually share a house with this prick.

Mally100 · 22/06/2022 03:45

Your kids ate out at reasonable times doing reasonable things, these neighbors ate bullying you. FFS these are kids and how often do they get to enjoy being outside in good weather. I would start replying to their messages asking if they are making threats and take that sort of tone.

Marty13 · 22/06/2022 04:05

I don't think your neighbours are reasonable enough to talk this out so I would :

  • not respond to any text/block
  • If you see them in the street and they seem threatening agree to whatever they want then complain to the police. If they're just unpleasant but not threatening then just nod and smile and ignore.
InChocolateWeTrust · 22/06/2022 07:00

Your neighbours are mad.

Far nicer a bit of noise from kids playing healthily out in the sunshine keeping active than the silence of kids inside stuck to a screen.

As long as it's not before 8am/after 9pm or for long hours each day it's absolutely fine.

My neighbours kids play basketball in the cul de sac! If I'm walking past I take a shot :)

Aspergirl77 · 22/06/2022 07:02

We have a neighbour who allows their teenage son and his friends to play football in their garden at all hours, sometimes up to 10/11 at night, on a daily basis. That and the almost constant bashing of the ball full pelt into our fence drive us absolutely mad and despite us requesting (numerous times) the boys stop kicking at the fence it continues as the parents just don’t care. I’d much rather have your kids playing football considerately in that garden than my current neighbours, don’t suppose you fancy doing a house swap?!

toptomatoes · 22/06/2022 07:14

My boys are the same age. They play football in the garden if they are just going out briefly and practising skills or something like that. If they want to play with a bit more power, they go to the park at the end of the road so they don’t whack the ball against the fence or get too loud for the neighbours. They don’t complain but I thought this made the most sense for everyone.

KnitOnePearlOneDropOne · 22/06/2022 07:23

Are they bouncing or kicking the ball against their fence/wall or anything?

OakleyStreetisnotinChelsea · 22/06/2022 07:31

Your neighbours are insane. Gardens are for playing in and enjoying.

We take Cub Scouts onto a piece of land next to some houses. The residents tell us how wonderful it is to see kids out and playing. Even when we did a full day event.

My older teen recently had a sleepover with mates in the garden. They were a quiet a a bunch of teens in a tent teens to be. Though we did go tell them to keep their voices down after a certain time. Neighbour's reaction? "Yes I heard them but it didn't bother me, it is nice to hear them having fun"

Original poster
mrsh1807 · 22/06/2022 07:36

The ball will bang against the goal.

The ball will bang against the basketball hoop.

We’re mostly surrounded by hedges. The neighbours garden wraps around the side and rear of our garden which doesn’t help.

The ball is banging on hard grass (as so dry out there at the moment).

I don’t want to fall out with them, but they’ve been so rude I don’t know where to go with it from here.

If they’d just asked nicely I’d have been happy to agree to reasonable requests. The demand the ball playing is never done in our garden is too much to ask in my opinion.

The way he worded his messages was very unpleasant. This is the first time it’s been raised. I had no idea there was a problem before this.

OP posts:
JustPickABloodyName · 22/06/2022 07:40

I find it annoying as a neighbour who lives next to a child who's always kicking a ball in the garden but I'd never dream of saying anything because our DC play it too (I find the sound of them doing it just as annoying ha). It's one of those things. We live on a street with other people who are just as entitled as anyone to use their space.

The only thing I would say is please don't let them kick it against the fence/wall between your gardens. That IS annoying and it can cause damage too. We are always very clear with ours that they aren't to kick it against anything.

We also make them come in by 8 if they are playing loudly as next door have very young DC who go to bed about then and their window is just above our garden.

yoshiblue · 22/06/2022 07:43

Oh my! Thats exactly where they should be playing football! We have neighbours kids/young teens playing football on the street (we live in a cul de sac) and I'd much rather they would be in their gardens. It's not all the time and they tend to go in by 9pm.

They are being completely unreasonable and as long as they aren't out at 7am or really late then tough!

RaininSummer · 22/06/2022 07:44

That is the sort of noise which would really annoy if you were sitting in your garden. They are old enough to go to the park.neighbours sound rude though.

Original poster
mrsh1807 · 22/06/2022 07:46

JustPickABloodyName · 22/06/2022 07:40

I find it annoying as a neighbour who lives next to a child who's always kicking a ball in the garden but I'd never dream of saying anything because our DC play it too (I find the sound of them doing it just as annoying ha). It's one of those things. We live on a street with other people who are just as entitled as anyone to use their space.

The only thing I would say is please don't let them kick it against the fence/wall between your gardens. That IS annoying and it can cause damage too. We are always very clear with ours that they aren't to kick it against anything.

We also make them come in by 8 if they are playing loudly as next door have very young DC who go to bed about then and their window is just above our garden.

I’d go mad at them if they were deliberately kicking it against the fence, they don’t.

As I said we have hedges along both sides of the garden, which are higher than a normal fence.

It’s just the rear which is fenced….the ball will hit it accidentally sometimes but not deliberately.

OP posts:
bloodyunicorns · 22/06/2022 07:47

Your 15yo is probably too big and noisy to play in your garden. I send mine to the park. It's not safe having him play with a ball in our garden!! 💥

But you and your dc do have the right to use your garden! And your neighbours sound rude and petulant. Nasty!

JuneJubilee · 22/06/2022 07:50

mrsh1807 · 21/06/2022 23:18

They’re bouncing the ball. Kicking it at the goal. Playing basketball.

They can go to the park sometimes yes.

So the consensus is the boys should not play in their garden?

Not at their ages no.

theyre well old enough to go to the park to kick/bounce balls & shout to each other.

they're no longer 3&7 & your neighbours understandably don't want to hear their thumping & shouting.

Suddha · 22/06/2022 07:53

It’s fine if it’s a reasonable time 9am-7pm and they’re not screaming or bouncing balls off the fence or kicking them over.

crimsonlake · 22/06/2022 07:54

We have a fairly small gardens where I live and one of the neighbour's children is out there playing football, banging the ball against fences and yelling...I would never dream of complaining but we do have a park round the corner and wonder why they don't take advantage of that large space which is usually deserted.
My next door neighbour also positioned a huge trampoline which overhangs right against my patio fence...but that's another story.

MzHz · 22/06/2022 07:56

if it’s every day they’re playing that’s potentially unreasonable

otherwise it’s part and parcel of having neighbours

don’t let him bully you.

send a message back saying that they will play in the garden from time to time, it’s not like they are on a trampoline from 7 or 8 am, so you’ll ask them to be considerate but that the garden is also theirs to use.

and then no more engagement- any more threats report it to the police

Littlebirdyouaresosweet · 22/06/2022 07:57

Invite 9 of their mates round. . What miserable fuckers.

SpidersAreShitheads · 22/06/2022 07:57

Absolutely disagree with anyone on this thread saying your DC can't play in the garden - I don't care how old your DC are.

Barbecues, parties, music, lawn mowers etc are all much louder than playing football - and yet we all accept those as reasonable use of gardens from neighbours, providing they stick to sociable hours.

My DS is autistic and very, very sensitive to noise. Two doors down there used to be a neighbour with four children, spaced between the ages of 3-13. They played football in their garden, they had a swing set and often a paddling pool out. They could be pretty noisy because kids are when they're having fun. My DS used to complain bitterly about their noise, but I always told him that people are entitled to use their gardens. Yes, it would be lovely to have a silent space to relax in but if you live in close proximity to neighbours, that's just not always possible.

Sounds like you have a lovely outside space, enjoy it. That's what back gardens were meant to be used for!!!

MzHz · 22/06/2022 07:58

I also think it’s ok to ask your boys to take it to the park if it’s particularly noisy, but don’t ban them from the garden

Original poster
mrsh1807 · 22/06/2022 07:59

Actually my kids are both small for their ages. Doomed by their vertically challenged parents 🤣 he’s barely 5’3!

They play in the middle of the garden. As you can see from the historical bare patches!

To let my boys play football/basketball in my garden?
OP posts:
JuneJubilee · 22/06/2022 08:03

@mrsh1807 your boys are no longer little, they are too big to be playing ball games in the garden & shouting to each other. Your neighbours have tolerated this while they were younger, but were probably very much expecting last summer to be the end of having to put up with it.

they're old enough to go to the park to kick the ball about & shout to each other. Your neighbours understandable don't want this going on at 7pm in a Sunday night.

it sounds like they've been unnecessarily unpleasant in their communication, but I guess they assumed you'd have more consideration & they shouldn't need to be having this discussion.