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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel sad/annoyed by the lack of dads on the class Whatsapp group

328 replies

fremsley · 21/06/2022 10:14

My daughter is starting reception in September and a Whatsapp group chat for her class had already been created. The membership consists entirely of mums, with the exception of my husband and (as far as I can tell) one other dad. Certainly the only active contributors are mums. My husband wants to be involved as he is very hands-on, but we both feel awkward about the lack of dads. The current nursery group chat is the same. I must admit, I find myself feeling irritated, disappointed and quite sad that things are this way in 2022. Seems to be a lot pressure on mums to manage this side of things. It feels uncomfortable to me. AIBU? What is your view of dads in these groups?

Also, I would be interested to hear others' experiences of class Whatsapp groups in general: do you think 'no dads' is the norm? If you are in one, are there any dads in yours? What kind of area do you live in (e.g. city/small town/rural)? Asking that last question because this is a small village school and I am very curious to know whether schools in more rural locations are more 'traditional' in comparison to cities. A friend who lives in a city known for its liberalness told me there are dads in her class group chat.

Yes, I am very aware of the irony that I am posting this on a website called MUMSnet!

OP posts:
AllPlayedOut · 21/06/2022 10:18

I'm more puzzled by the need for a class Whatsapp group. What's the point of it?

PleasantBirthday · 21/06/2022 10:20

There's one dad on ours.

But while you're clearly annoyed about the lack of dads on yours, you don't say why. Why are you upset about it?

CupidStunt22 · 21/06/2022 10:24

AllPlayedOut · 21/06/2022 10:18

I'm more puzzled by the need for a class Whatsapp group. What's the point of it?

Its really helpful. You can ask about dates or events you've forgotten or chase up lost/swapped jumpers, or ask about homework or organise a present for the teacher....my class whatsapp for my youngest is invaluable, they didn't exist when my older kids were little and I wish they had.

whatwoulddexterdo · 21/06/2022 10:25

I honestly do not understand the need to have class WhatsApp groups
I've managed to get my 2 all the way through to 6th form without the need

Presumably soon enough you'll all be moaning about not being able to keep up with the messages

Totally bonkers

SVRT19674 · 21/06/2022 10:26

We have a whatsapp group and yes there are quite a few dads too, including my daughters.

BlackandBlueBird · 21/06/2022 10:26

I reckon about a third of the families in DD’s class have both Mum and Dad on the WhatsApp group. One family also has Grandma and Granddad because they do the pick ups. Small-ish private school.

I'm more puzzled by the need for a class Whatsapp group. What's the point of it?
Reminders about all the times kids need to unexpectedly wear PE kit/bring a pound coin for a charity event; birthday party invitations; parenting advice/solidarity; random play date/‘let’s all head to the beach after school’ type invitations…

Hawkins001 · 21/06/2022 10:27

Tis a mix at times.

EatYourVegetables · 21/06/2022 10:27

No dads in ours either.

I’m annoyed too.

If someone really needs it spelled out, I’m annoyed because it’s a symptom of the fact that in 2022 and across the UK, the mental workload still falls on Mums rather than Dads in 99% of couples. In our school we have a mixture of full time working mums, part time working mums, SAHMs, grandmas, and stepmums, and it’s always them on the party invitations / PTFAs / volunteering for school trips / organising teacher presents / donating second hand uniforms.

It’s positively medieval.

HelloMrBond · 21/06/2022 10:28

Most likely because it’s a nonsense waste of time which pings up pointless notifications and irrelevant chatter.

GoldenPineapple88 · 21/06/2022 10:28

There's no dads on ours. Not on the whatsapp, the class pages or fb group. To be honest there's barely any dads in the playground at pick up time. It would be nice if there were more, and they are of course welcome to join, but none of them ever have.

I think mothers are still more likely to have a flexible working agreement than their partners - I see this all the time at work. There are dad's who would happily go part time but are consistently refused.

Bobbins36 · 21/06/2022 10:29

Class WhatsApp groups are the worst. Cause far too much drama.

soundofsilver · 21/06/2022 10:29

AllPlayedOut · 21/06/2022 10:18

I'm more puzzled by the need for a class Whatsapp group. What's the point of it?

To keep up to date with school things / kids birthday parties / to form friendships (god forbid you should make friends with the parents of your child!!). Isn't it quite obvious?

Turnthatoff · 21/06/2022 10:30

Wait until you have multiple kids in school. You won’t be so keen on them then.

fireandpaint · 21/06/2022 10:30

We have a very active WhatsApp group where all messages etc are conveyed by the class reps so it's generally really useful. Last year (reception) one of the mums asked for her husband to be added as he did the majority of the school admin/ drop offs and was told that it was just for mums but dads were welcome to start their own group. I was very surprised to be honest! This doesn't seem to be reflected in dad involvement though, dads very present at the school gates, parties etc.

soundofsilver · 21/06/2022 10:30

EatYourVegetables · 21/06/2022 10:27

No dads in ours either.

I’m annoyed too.

If someone really needs it spelled out, I’m annoyed because it’s a symptom of the fact that in 2022 and across the UK, the mental workload still falls on Mums rather than Dads in 99% of couples. In our school we have a mixture of full time working mums, part time working mums, SAHMs, grandmas, and stepmums, and it’s always them on the party invitations / PTFAs / volunteering for school trips / organising teacher presents / donating second hand uniforms.

It’s positively medieval.

I totally agree with everything you've said. It's mad.

Juanmariaramierz · 21/06/2022 10:30

HelloMrBond · 21/06/2022 10:28

Most likely because it’s a nonsense waste of time which pings up pointless notifications and irrelevant chatter.

Correct....well said

AllPlayedOut · 21/06/2022 10:31

I could think of other ways to do most of those personally. It reminds me of the thread where there was a class rep who did things like buy gifts for expectant Mothers and arrange teacher's gift . It sounds like basically creating more time consuming "women's work"when there's no actual need.

AquaticSewingMachine · 21/06/2022 10:32

There are quite a few dads in both of the ones I'm in. More so in my older child's class; in fact, many of the dads have got to know each other well and they also have their own chat now.

The chats are very useful for "where is the homework login"/"did PE day change again"/"Logan has lost his water bottle"/"Is Christine's mum in here, Alice would love a playdate"/"we're bringing cake to the park for Alfie's birthday after school" purposes.

ClarissaD · 21/06/2022 10:33

About 25% dads on ours, although in each case the mum is also on there. I love the class WhatsApps- so useful. People can always turn off notifications (or leave) if they don't like them.

greywinds · 21/06/2022 10:33

If the school comms are reasonable there's little need for the class chat - there are one or two dads on each of the class chats in on but agree men realise it for the distracting time suck it is and don't value the interaction with other parents as much.

Mally100 · 21/06/2022 10:33

AllPlayedOut · 21/06/2022 10:18

I'm more puzzled by the need for a class Whatsapp group. What's the point of it?

🙄. It is very helpful for many. My ds class went on a trip yesterday. It was SO helpful that the parent volunteers messaged our group to let us know they were stuck in traffic and would be about 45 min late. We had a dress up themed day recently, one parent had extra props for the theme. SO helpful for those who couldn't get anything/ didn't have the time. SO SO helpful when things go missing /found in another child's bag, we post on our group and it's sorted that evening for the next day. We have parent teacher feedback every 6 weeks, we have an allocated time and it's SO helpful to know that the calls are running a little behind because the parents let us know. I can go on and on about how invaluable these groups are.

OhmygodDont · 21/06/2022 10:34

Because it’s not needed and nonsense. Out of three children only one ever had a WhatsApp and it was just inane rubbish.

The school sends out a news letter once a week everything we need to know times and date wise is on that. Only the scatter brains need to be reminded constantly via WhatsApp groups.

The men are being smart and not getting sucked into this rubbish. None of this crap at secondary level either primary is a strange place.

PaddingtonBearStareAgain · 21/06/2022 10:34

Bobbins36 · 21/06/2022 10:29

Class WhatsApp groups are the worst. Cause far too much drama.

This x100

NoToLandfill · 21/06/2022 10:35

Ive noticed this too. It's so lazy by the dad's it's unbelievable.

AllPlayedOut · 21/06/2022 10:36

To keep up to date with school things / kids birthday parties / to form friendships (god forbid you should make friends with the parents of your child!!). Isn't it quite obvious?

No, not to me.

How my Mother and other parents got through the '90s and early 2000s without spending every spare minute discussing the minutiae of their child's school life, we may never know.