To feel sad/annoyed by the lack of dads on the class Whatsapp group

[fremsley]

My daughter is starting reception in September and a Whatsapp group chat for her class had already been created. The membership consists entirely of mums, with the exception of my husband and (as far as I can tell) one other dad. Certainly the only active contributors are mums. My husband wants to be involved as he is very hands-on, but we both feel awkward about the lack of dads. The current nursery group chat is the same. I must admit, I find myself feeling irritated, disappointed and quite sad that things are this way in 2022. Seems to be a lot pressure on mums to manage this side of things. It feels uncomfortable to me. AIBU? What is your view of dads in these groups?

Also, I would be interested to hear others' experiences of class Whatsapp groups in general: do you think 'no dads' is the norm? If you are in one, are there any dads in yours? What kind of area do you live in (e.g. city/small town/rural)? Asking that last question because this is a small village school and I am very curious to know whether schools in more rural locations are more 'traditional' in comparison to cities. A friend who lives in a city known for its liberalness told me there are dads in her class group chat.

Yes, I am very aware of the irony that I am posting this on a website called MUMSnet!

'That's great for you that you can pick up from school everyday and can chat to teachers and other parents, many of us can't. The whatsapp group fills in a lot of those gaps.'

@CupidStunt22 what kind of gaps? Surely the school tell you of events etc? I would have thought information shared on a WhatsApp group is second hand from the school?

Haha! That is something I have not had to navigate yet! Is this a common thing in schools? I'm very introverted so it's probably not something I would take part in anyway.

But all of these are quite possible without being in a WhatsApp group. Parents whether it be a Mum or a Dad should not be made to feel like they are failing on neglecting their children's schooling/education because they choose not to be in these groups

Well I assume that everyone is asked for contact details and people give the one that is most useful.
Best off out of all that nonsense if you ask me.

As this thread shows women have a heavy mental load. It’s not about one mum getting it right. There are seven ways our school contacts us- text, email, newsletter, letter, calendar on website, and two different apps. I might have checked four of these but not the others and the school has only communicated the message on one. It’s very annoying but luckily there’s a couple of mums that tend to check all methods of communication. Perhaps unsurprisingly they are mums that have one dc and don’t work. If you don’t want to give your number out that’s fine but I’m perfectly happy to. Each to their own.

The school don't share with me that my kids jumper is in another kids bag when she came home without it. The school might have told me a month ago that its teddy bears picnic tomorrow but its the whatsapp group that reminds me when I've inevitably forgotten. The school doesn't organise the whip round for the teacher, or chat about the cost of the fee contribution going up for next year or whether everyone else has brought home book x when you were expecting book y.....

I am in Dublin and this is my experience. Is it an educate together school by any chance? I feel like there’s a good community amongst parents of both sexes at ours.

Yes totally, think I just phrased that badly - he doesn't mansplain at all. Just as an example - in the nursery group a mum posted a question (a factual thing, not opinion) and lots of the other mums replied saying they didn't know the answer. He did know the answer but didn't want to post a reply as he didn't want to be the one man chiming in with the correct answer as he thought it might be interpreted as mansplaining/patronising.

In a class of 18 there are 6 dads on my dds reception whats app group. It is a small village school. There are also a number of Dads who do volunteer to help on the weekly welly walk.

There are a handful of dads on ours. What's more annoying is the people that start their messages on it "Hi Mummys." Firstly, because it's twee nonsense that gives me the rage but also because they know there are a few dads on there and it does nothing to encourage other dads to join if they're ignored in that way.

'@soundofsilver but we all managed without these things? I mean schoos have websites nowadays with all info in black and white'

@worriedatthistime yes exactly. With technology schools apps/text's to inform parents it's is much better. I'd rather rely on information direct from the school than second/third hand information as thi can be incorrect ( for example one of the mums told another it was non uniform day on the wrong day as got her days mixed up). I feel ao lucky that things have moved on as when I was kid my mum had to check with others or speaking direct to the school and it wasn't easy, the school often said to pass it along! They could have done with a WhatsApp group back then.

it is*

Yes it's some kinda bizarre top trumps isn't it. I swear women are sometimes their own worst enemy.

We carry so much with regards to kids and schooling then we have to make others feel bad /stupid or inferior in someway for relying on something like this.

There are no prizes for being the best most organised mum who never uses fave book or WhatsApp and gets everything right. Can't we just recognise that perhaps we are just doing our best. Of that involves staying off groups then great. You do what you want and what works for you.. all fir it.

If you find them.useful then that's OK too

I'm in two, one for my DS who is 9 and one for for DD who is 5. There isn't a dad in either of them

No dad's on ours. Personally I like that we have it, small village school which currently changes PE day on a weekly basis. Our newsletters are once once a term. It's not spammed and we've used it to organise some good nights out.

Dc1's football team WhatsApp is probably 75 percent dads though, perhaps illustrating their priorities.

Your husband could post a request for other dad's to join the watts app group. Wives of these men will see the message and can prod their husband's to join. If the husband's think it's not for them then they won't join.

Ugh hate that!

yes exactly. With technology schools apps/text's to inform parents it's is much better. I'd rather rely on information direct from the school than second/third hand information as thi can be incorrect ( for example one of the mums told another it was non uniform day on the wrong day as got her days mixed up)

I think you're missing the point. It's not instead of, its as well as! And its for all the things that the school aren't involved with.

If people don't want to join the whatsapp, you don't have to. But why all the posts about how they are silly and unnecessary...to many of us they are very useful.
I can't work out if its patronising or defensive. Or both.

'The school don't share with me that my kids jumper is in another kids bag when she came home without it. The school might have told me a month ago that its teddy bears picnic tomorrow but its the whatsapp group that reminds me when I've inevitably forgotten. The school doesn't organise the whip round for the teacher, or chat about the cost of the fee contribution going up for next year or whether everyone else has brought home book x when you were expecting book y...'

Oh right I get you, what a pain; that isn't good! My dc's school always communicate that stuff thankfully.

I think there are 3 or 4 dads on ours, commuter town in North Hampshire.

We've got quite a few SAHMs in the class. And tbh, it doesn't tell you anything - yes, I do the mental load. DH does 101 other things, probably more than his fair share but he has a deep rooted hatred (probably verging on a phobia) of whatsapp groups!

As a dad when mine were at school males were never made to feel partially welcome in anything like this I joined nothing .
Nothing to do with being lazy massive generalisation there

Your school tells you that another parent found your kids jumper in their bag, as soon as its found? That's, um, impressive. Your school organises the teacher present for you? Your school chats about homework?

I don't think so. You school doesn't communicate any of the things I mentioned.

@CupidStunt22 I don't think it's that. I think it's just different people's opinions and experience of their own child's school and preference.

In what way?

Certainly the 2 groups I'm in don't thrown anyone a parade. It doesn't adress anyone personally really.

How would " does anyone know what time they have to be in school for their trip today " make anyone feel unwelcome.

If you are expecting personalised interactions with a metaphorical pat on the back for being a dad then you aren't gonna get that.

What was so unwelcoming because I'm certainly not in them to feel part if a community or a close knit group. I'm just glad someone reminded me it was mufti day

I am about as far from the poor men stance as its possible to get. Yet even i think it seems unfair to create/join a non essential, albeit arguably moderately useful, thing, and then reframe is as a vital part of parenting and onerous chore, and moan when dads want none of it.