AIBU to make an official complaint about cashier telling me to lose weight?

[LMCOA]

On Saturday, I needed to return some jeans to my local well-known supermarket, as they were too small.

I smiled, handed them over to the cashier and said "Could I please have a refund on these, unfortunately they don't fit".

She took them, laughed and said "You should lose weight then."

I kind of giggled in embarrassment, and got away as quickly as I could. I was very, VERY upset and had an awful weekend. I have BPD so I don't know if my reaction was a normal one, because I don't always have 'normal' reactions.

I'm 42, size 20, struggling with an autoimmune issue (which the doctors can't pin down) and menopausal. I am TRYING to lose weight but it's just not happening at the moment. Her comment broke me.

My friends are encouraging me to make a formal complaint.

What do you lot think?

It's not an overreaction, she was incredibly rude!

In the UK at least, commenting on someone's weight (mainly saying it is high) is very loaded. In some cultures it is a lot more neutral and doesn't hold any more of a value judgement than commenting on someone's eye colour. So yes, she spoke out of turn. She had no need to do so. She isn't your GP.

Not saying don't stop until she is sacked and/ or hanged but it was inappropriate of her to comment on a customer's weight and has caused upset. She may not be aware that some medical conditions and drugs make it not so easy to 'just lose weight' and people don't go clothes shopping to be judged, or given advice on same.

I would take a guess at mid-late 60's.

Once again, I never said I want anyone sacked and I have never called her names.

and I can be pretty confident that a decent employer will absolutely not haul in the names employee. It will be raised generally. And no disciplinary action whatsoever

Have you ever been an employer?

Honestly? YABU. I think it was probably a throwaway comment and she wasn't trying to hurt you. I once bought a donut from a shop, liked it so much I wanted to get a second one, went in and asked and the cashier said "No - I'm trying to save you from yourself!" Obviously it was a joke and she sold me the donut. This cashier probably doesn't earn very much and probably needs her job. You have the choice to shrug off the comment and not take a throwaway comment from a stranger so personally. Why make your life and her life harder? That doesn't solve anything for anyone.

Totally different scenarios.

As an employer, I would want to know if this formed a pattern of behaviour. One off, bad day kind of comment, I would have a quiet word. Regular nastiness to customers, I would take firmer action. But I wouldn't know if there was a pattern unless customers complained.

Not necessarily. I have a history of bulimia and anorexia and wasn't completely recovered at the time this happened. So it could well have upset me. But I chose to take it as meant - a throwaway comment that would only affect me if I let it.

And the rest of my comment still stands - why get this poor lady into trouble, when it won't help her, and may give you a moment of satisfaction, but has no long term benefit for you?

I don't see the point of expending energy on actions that will probably only hurt the parties involved.

@Gwenhwyfar

Quite apart from any perceived insult in implying the poster looked like she needed the money, this woman was potentially in the wrong for offering financial advice when not qualified to do so.

I don't know whether you have sent your complaint yet OP (and I definitely think you should as that remark was unacceptable) but if you haven't yet then I think something along the lines suggested by Blowthemandown would be perfect.

@potniatheron I agree with OP that they are totally different scenarios, even with your update. The sales assistant made a direct and very rude comment to OP that she should lose weight. The person who sold you the donut made a much more general remark. We all know that donuts are 'bad' for us, so a jokey remark along these lines is much less personal.

OP hasn't asked for her to be sacked. She's asked for action to be taken. Which could be retraining, more supervision, moved to a different area away from customer facing.

Yes

if I valued the employee and trusted her and no prevuous complaints, not a chance I would automatically take a customer’s word for it and haul her in!

i would raise during the team meeting to reiterate that we are not to comment on personal appearance.

a second specific complaint levelled at the employee in question? Yes I would call her in to chat

That's fine if you think so, but I still don't see why OP should spend her precious energy on raising a complaint for a throwaway comment which this poor lady's employers will probably use as an excuse to push her further towards retirement (ageism being rife in retail service). The worker probably really needs her job and at her estimated age will struggle to get another. Raising the complaint may make OP feel a momentary satisfaction but ultimately it won't change the way she feels about her body. So I still don't think it's right to take an action which may cause unhappiness and pain for the worker, and zero benefit to OP.

Well, no.

If she really does need her job that badly then she should behave in an appropriate manner towards customers. I say that as someone over 60 myself.

It's not about momentary satisfaction for the OP, it's about identifying and addressing a poor customer service issue.

@ChitChatChatter , you say: "It's not about momentary satisfaction for the OP, it's about identifying and addressing a poor customer service issue"

Is it really, though? OP never said anything in her OP about addressing a poor customer service issue. Her post was all about how the incident made her feel. So if she raises a complaint, her motivation is getting revenge for the perceived slight to her - not about safeguarding future customers. And whilst taking revenge might give her some cold satisfaction for a moment, it won't help the worker, and it won't make OP feel better about her body. It's likely to hurt the worker, and OP will still feel bad about her body.

I just don't see the point of expending energy in order to bring a bit more pain and trouble into the world for someone else, whilst not solving any problem for oneself. There's no benefit to be had from doing that.

as for your comment: "If she really does need her job that badly then she should behave in an appropriate manner towards customers"; wow....that's really harsh, you know? It put me in mind of some of the pronouncements from Dickens' Scrooge (before his phantasmal visitations) about poor people and workhouses. People make mistakes. Hurt feelings but no lasting harm. The worker needs her job, and made a mistake. Least said soonest mended is a cliche for a reason - because it's true.

Neither did I say I 'wanted revenge'.

Of course it's an issue of appropriate behaviour whilst on the customer service desk. I never want someone else to feel the way she made me feel, and so by making a complaint, she can be spoken to/trained/a general comment made at a meeting etc.

You don't have to 'take a customer's word and haul her in'. You ask to speak to them. You inform them of the complaint and you wait for their reply and take your actions from there.

You can't run a business by ignoring customer complaints and concerns. And that doesn't mean 'taking the customers side' does it.

I know full well that my boss has got my back and trusts me 100%, but he would never in a million years not talk to me if there had been a complaint. Thankfully there never has been a complaint but rest assured I would expect him to do his job if a complaint had been made.

I would raise it

but no way being in a valued and trusted employee on basis of one customer comment of not previous history whatsoever

i would f definitely raise in staff meeting and use as opportunity to reiterate no comments on personal appearance and if a second complaint came through, then I would ask to have a chat with her.

but anyone with extensive experience in retail knows that the customer is most certainly not always right and prone to distorting the truth to her a goodwill voucher!

Surely it will be your word against hers? I wouldn't bother

Op you have invested a great deal of time and energy on to arguing why you would be entirely reasonable to complain

it would appear though that you have not actually sent in any letter of complaint yet?!

@potniatheron why do you keep referring to the cashier as the 'poor lady'? All we know about her is that she told a customer to lose weight! I really don't think she needs or deserves your pity at this point.

You wouldn't know to raise it with her at all if neither customer complained...

Yes so the op should complain if she wishes to
but a good employer will respond as above

Incorrect. I sent an email yesterday.

Yes, you complain and make the business aware of their employees’ conduct. It might be a one-off, or it might be the latest in a string of complaints against this particular employee. Either way, any respectable business will handle it in accordance to their procedure.