AIBU to make an official complaint about cashier telling me to lose weight?

[LMCOA]

On Saturday, I needed to return some jeans to my local well-known supermarket, as they were too small.

I smiled, handed them over to the cashier and said "Could I please have a refund on these, unfortunately they don't fit".

She took them, laughed and said "You should lose weight then."

I kind of giggled in embarrassment, and got away as quickly as I could. I was very, VERY upset and had an awful weekend. I have BPD so I don't know if my reaction was a normal one, because I don't always have 'normal' reactions.

I'm 42, size 20, struggling with an autoimmune issue (which the doctors can't pin down) and menopausal. I am TRYING to lose weight but it's just not happening at the moment. Her comment broke me.

My friends are encouraging me to make a formal complaint.

What do you lot think?

Good. Completely Unacceptable comment.

I have no problem you thinking she was wrong to say what she did but why did you laugh when she said it? Your laugh told her you think it was OK to say that and then you write a letter of complaint. I don't think that's right. I understand you not feeling brave enough to tackle her outright, but giggling with her and then complaining about her seems underhand.

Jesus wept. Have you always been able to react appropriately immediately after an upsetting experience? Underhand? Some of the responses on here are crazy...

I'm not sure you have been following in the slightest....

My reaction to her (laughing) was out of sheer embarrassment and being caught off-guard. Can happen to anyone.

I just want to thank you for being so supportive over this. You and many others have been incredible.

You're welcome @LMCOA. If there's one thing I've learnt on MN, it's that posters on AIBU will argue that black is white if they're bored, especially if it gives them the opportunity to upset a poster looking for support.

I just hope that they aren't like this in real life cos they will end up being very lonely!

Posters “will end up lonely” because they disagree with you and argue a different viewpoint in response to your thread in…. AIBU?

😂

No, because they make unkind and unnecessary comments just to get a reaction from people.

Comments such as 'you should channel that anger and use it to lose weight'. Thankfully the wonderful admin team were on that one.

You're missing the key point 'if they're like this in real life'. But we all know they're not. They're just the middle-class middle-aged equivalent of the teenagers who argue the toss in YouTube comments sections.

Most of the rude comments have been directed against the employee

rude bitch and twat… just on page 1

Obviously she shouldn’t have said that but is there a chance she thought YOU were joking about your size and so she continued it? 🤔

DO you need to lose weight? Yes it was rude and inappropriate, though I do appreciate people who are honest!

I'm not sure how she could have taken "I need a refund as these don't fit" as a joke, tbh.

Were they too big?

I'm not typing to get a reaction at all. I understand you felt too embarrassed to put her in her place. But if someone says something offensive, you don't laugh with them, because that gives them approval of their actions. And then you complained about them after laughing over their comment.
I'm not saying that what she said was OK, clearly it wasn't. Nor am I saying you shouldn't complain, that's your right. But laughing sent her the wrong message which I think is unkind, unnecessary, unfair and misleading.

She likely meant that it was going to work out cheaper to keep the currency until you next needed it rather than change it back and buy more the next time you travelled; it’s good advice.

I don't imagine anyone needs to wring their hands over the sales assistant potentially losing her job. It's highly unlikely. Years ago, for example, there was a woman in one of our departments who was incredibly rude to customers. The manager knew and did nothing. Her colleagues hoped that a member of the public would complain. Finally someone did and, rather than her being singled out, the whole office was sent on a customer training course. She didn't get the message and continued to make snide remarks to clients who were scared to rub her up the wrong way in case they didn't get the grant they were enquiring about.

I absolutely hate that people get away with this sort of shit and find it hard to believe that it's ever a one-off. There's having an off day and forgetting your p's and q's a bit and then there's actively being an insensitive dick.

I'm not typing to get a reaction at all. I understand you felt too embarrassed to put her in her place. But if someone says something offensive, you don't laugh with them, because that gives them approval of their actions. And then you complained about them after laughing over their comment.
I'm not saying that what she said was OK, clearly it wasn't. Nor am I saying you shouldn't complain, that's your right. But laughing sent her the wrong message which I think is unkind, unnecessary, unfair and misleading.

@LetitiaLeghorn what the actual fuck are you on about? Can you see the worrying principles you're applying here?

If the OP has giggled mid-conversation, and was then insulted by what the cashier said AFTER the giggle, you might have a point. The cashier might have taken the giggle as permission to perpetuate a jokey conversation. But that's not what happened.

How the OP responded to the comment is neither here nor there, and it was certainly not 'unkind, unnecessary, unfair and misleading'.

How the fuck you're making the cashier the injured party here is beyond me, but you might want to check your prejudices.

I’m a retail manager but not in a supermarket setting. I would certainly do an investigation, apologise, but you would not know any of the outcome.

@ludocris
How the fuck you're making the cashier the injured party here is beyond me, but you might want to check your prejudices.

Prejudices? Prejudiced against whom or what? I've acknowledged that it was insensitive, that the member of staff was wrong, that the op was too embarrassed to tackle her, that she has the right to complain. How is any of that showing prejudice? However, I think when you laugh with someone over a comment and walk away, it leaves the other person thinking that what they said was OK. And that's unfair because you're going to complain about them.
That's what I think and you swearing at me isn't going to change my mind.

You are demonstrating prejudice against the person who was the 'victim' or 'insultee' if you like, in this scenario, by laying blame at her feet for how she responded to an unpleasant comment. If a child is being bullied at school, but laughs along at the teasing because they are humiliated and don't know how else to respond, you don't call them unkind for giving the bullies the wrong impression do you?

I'm not suggesting that the cashier was 'bullying' the OP but the principle is the same. If you start down the road of 'you can only complain about someone's actions if you demonstrate your offence at the time', you go down all sorts of unpleasant rabbit holes.

I don't swear because I want to sway your views. I swear because I'm just gobsmacked at your warped take on the matter.

I don’t think I’ve ever come across a poster so supportive of an Op than @ludocris !

Sorry, I know on AIBU the norm is to tear the OP down. What can I say - I'm a rebel.

You are demonstrating prejudice against the person who was the 'victim' or 'insultee' if you like, in this scenario, by laying blame at her feet for how she responded to an unpleasant comment.

And you demonstrated ageism and classism in your earlier post @ludocris

You're missing the key point 'if they're like this in real life'. But we all know they're not. They're just the middle-class middle-aged equivalent of the teenagers who argue the toss in YouTube comments sections.

No-one's coming out of this particularly well are they?