To ask is my DD the only Promzilla?

[Stopthebusplease]

My DD appears to be getting in a real state about her forthcoming prom, organising everyone to go and pay homage to her on 'her' big night, and throwing her toys out of the pram if anyone puts any slight obstacle in the way of her 'perfect' night.
You'd think she was planning a wedding, not just a night out.
I know that it's an important 'right of passage' these days, but I'm beginning to wonder if it's all worth it, if it causes this much anxiety.
Are all the girls like this?
Do any of the boys get in this state?
I bet they don't, I bet they just put their suit on, brush their hair and off they go, so why do the girls get in such a state, or is it just my DD?

Do most schools do them? I don’t think our school does - don’t remember seeing any photos or anything in the newsletter. My eldest is only in Year 10 though so I might not have noticed yet, especially if the last couple of years were cancelled.

Take with a pinch of salt the poster telling you that all girls are exactly the same as each other and all boys exactly the same as each other.

The ‘worst thing DD has done is insist on a new dress (she paid) rather than wearing the one she had for the Yr11 prom that never was. The best is that she drives now so took herself across town three times for alterations (was a ballache last time, especially for something that never got worn!)

Shes got five days after her last A level to whip herself into a frenzy, but there’s not much she’ll be able to do about it. The biggest foreseeable problem is that one friend (who can be a bit of a diva) isn’t 18 yet so won’t be able to go clubbing after.

This is what I had planned for my dd. I wasn’t going to go ridiculously ott like some people on here with limos etc. But I was willing to get her a fairly expensive dress, plus get her make up/nails/hair professionally done. As it is she’s picked a £20 dress off eBay, she said she’s already for sandals to match it. She didn’t really want her hair or make up professionally doing, one of my neighbours is fairly good at make up so she’s going to do it for her. She’s considering allowing me to pay to get her nails done. Even if I did go all out for her, she wouldn’t be acting like a brat about it.

My daughter has her prom this year and she is really chill about it. She just wanted to go to any random shop and buy something to wear as she knows it all costs so much. We did go and get a prom dress which she loves but cost a fortune. She has already decided with the seamstress how they will alter it for her 6th form prom. She is going to do her own hair and is not really into make up.

she understands the value of money and knows the dress has cost a lot so is being very good about all the rest.

I definitely think it’s more about how they have been brought up.

My DD got her dress from a charity shop - £10. She’s not much for nails or makeup, so on the day she will shower, wash her hair, get in the dress, and go. But then, for my wedding, I had a dress made by the local dressmaker, and showered, blow dried my own hair, trimmed my nails with nail clippers, and set off for the church, so we’re not high maintenance like that.

This GCSE cohort has had a tough time, all things considered, and these exams have been hard. As other posters have said, maybe she is transferring anxiety about exams / the future onto the prom, therefore the pressure for it to be perfect. Bless her - I hope she ends up having a great night, despite all the drama.

I feel her expectation of the night will be so high that she will be disappointed!
I would not be allowing her to behave this way.

I would like to see an end to proms, we are not the 51st state, single or low use clothing contributes to climate change, and many families are struggling financially and will be for a long time.

Nothing in this thread persuades me to a different viewpoint. Hope OP your DD doesn't behave like this for anything else.

Sometimes this can be evidence of poor confidence where a child places a lot of emphasis on how they will look in social situations to give themselves a boast of confidence. Or maybe she is not happy with her exams and looking for a distraction?

Not here. I offered to do the whole posh prom dress thing with DD and she declared it too much bother and a waste of money and we bought a dress of ASOS. She can't see the point of "uncomfortable shoes that aren't me" so she is wearing Converse. And she also turned down the offer of having her hair properly styled for the day.
She will be very much just putting on her dress (and granted, probably some mascara) and that will be it.
The Year 13s were so unbothered that the Y13 prom was cancelled due to lack of interest.

I totally agree. I bet they are one big bitch fest as well. Thank goodness they weren't around when I was 16.

I also don't like the idea of schools using their limited resources to subsidise people to go. If you can't afford it, you either don't go, or you get resourceful and buy second hand or borrow. A post in our local Facebook group would elicit many offers of dresses and accessories.

I remember my own prom, we went in a limo from a local pub, quite a few family members came to wave us all off, then stayed and had their tea.

I wouldn't have called it paying homage, but I remember at tthe time how excited I was to have them all come and see me.

I forgot about the time of year actually, ours was the night before I had to register for university - my ID card for my first next year had a photo of me being very hungover!

I didn’t realise the prom happens when they’re 16 - that is very different to being 18 and finished with exams and school. Plus we’d all been working for the summer so paid our own way. I wonder if it’s much different these days or if it’s still the same debs we all had.

Our proms aren't organised by the school, and neither were the year 6 leavers parties. They're organised by the kids (or a group of parents) in an outside venue

I'm sure it's just transferred exam nerves as others have said - it can come out in all sorts of unexpected ways. Hope she has a good time. It's been a tough couple of years for this cohort and they've missed out on such a lot. My own dd's one of the low-key ones, but there are plenty of others who've invested much more in it.

Thank you to those of you who have show some understanding of the situation. From the suggestions made, I think it highly likely that she's worried that she may have done poorly in her exams and is focusing on the prom as a way of stopping herself thinking about the exam results when they come. I am also wondering if it could be that this behaviour is being influenced by her best friend who comes from a very wealthy family and is used to being able to have everything just as she wants it. Hard to compete with that, so maybe trying to make everything perfect could be my DD's way of trying to keep up with her.

As for the nasty comments, about her not being a nice girl, I'll just treat those with the contempt they deserve!

Lol, my dd has just had her prom , we chose a dress online, and I had to go on at her to get new shoes and bag, that I was paying for, she didn't want ger hair and make up done professionally, no fuss here at all

If my DD acted like that, I'd remind her the first prom I went to, I was ditched a couple hours before, and I barely remember much of any of them other than we had more fun at the after-prom party with karaoke and after that going to Denny's at like 2 in the morning to eat a foolish amount in a mixed group of people who had gone and those who didn't.

As it is, my Y10 DD is very annoyed her school has announced a prom next year which some students have been asking for with how much she's been mocked for her mixed accent and Americanisms (and got into an argument about whether proms are American with some peers who either didn't know that or were trying to wind her up). She says it all sounds very loud and uncomfortable. We'll see how much that changes over the next year.

I also don't like the idea of schools using their limited resources to subsidise people to go. If you can't afford it, you either don't go, or you get resourceful and buy second hand or borrow

I think the cost the school is subsidising is less the clothes and more the tickets to go used to pay for the venue and similar where that's how it's been decided to fund it rather than other parts of the school budget. A PP said the tickets were £50 for their child and that's similar to others I've heard.

I'm not a fan of the import of proms (even less at the primary level) especially in the buying all the things and escalating prices & expectations, but if the school is going to have a summer dance or similar whole year event to celebrate - many don't have the space to host that well and it's pretty standard to have part of the budget to support students from being left out of events and activities. If it's hosted by parents, then I'd hope they'd consider that issue.

Absolutely not. My daughters prom required a few hours looking at dresses on JJ website, picking a couple and waiting anxiously for them to arrive in time for alterations. Then quick make up lesson, hair done by me. Then about seven of the girls met up on the beach as one mum had arranged a photographer to take pics, they all got giggling as was really windy and they were tottering a bit on high heels, and then we dropped them off! Covid times so no after party.
No drama or anything. They had a fab time, only one couple there so no pressure, it was a lovely memory as my daughter moved to another school for sixth form.

This is something I have never come across. Is this England ?

Our school doesn't organise anything official, and in fact until fairly recently Proms were strictly banned (hurrah!). But in the last few years a new Head has allowed year 11 to organise something as long as they don't expect any help from staff. My DD was there in the years there wasn't one and my DS1 wasn't in the slightest bit interested so didn't go, so this year is my first experience of the event. DS2 has a formal suit anyway as he goes to dinners with his sports team. He's just wearing that. He's paid for the ticket himself so it's not cost me anything. He's obviously not that interested as I asked him yesterday when it is and the best he could come up with was "July". I told him that if he was hoping for a lift he might need to narrow it down a bit...
I'm sure there are some kids taking it extremely seriously, others who won't go, and all points between. DS2 is basically going because of his friends are. If there hadn't been one it wouldn't have bothered him, but since it's there, he decided he may as well go. Though since he's just seen a guitar for sale locally that he wants, he is saying he wishes he'd saved the ticket money to put towards that. Valuable life lesson.

Maybe that's because the girls know that they won't be allowed to be brattish about their prom in school and that the school will be more focussed on their exams. It's very common for school and home to see two 'different' people!

@Goodskin46
Yes in the UK.
Most of us actually arrived in similar fashion. It was a lovely night and an amazing way to celebrate finishing our GCSEs

Surely we need to cut all these kids a bit of slack? Crazy few years for them and so the prom feels like an even bigger deal than it would have done in normal times?

just try and keep her calm and give her a little perspective. and then chuckle to yourselves when she finally swans off for the evening.

She's a teenager and this will pass.

I know I'm probably going to get shot down for this because everyone seems to have spent absolutely nothing and their DD's haven't even noticed it's prom but....
my daughter's prom is next week, her dress cost over £500 and she is booked in for hair, lashes and nails done professionally. I regret absolutely nothing, I can't wait to see her in her dress and to see her arriving in a tractor!

In 4 weeks time she will be an apprentice agricultural engineer, mending tractors and combine harvesters and wearing overalls and safety boots. My DH had a heart attack in Feb and we very nearly lost him so I'm looking forward to getting photos of them together.

My DD is far from a promzilla OP, her dress has been hung up since February and she hasn't really been talking about it etc however there does seem to be so much stress on the year 11's this year. Everyone watching to see how they perform being the first post covid GCSE exam sitters. Maybe your daughter is actually worried about that and is just projecting, If it was mine I'd laugh and take the mickey out of her for being such a princess.

Hang in there we're nearly at the end of the school year.