Finger in bum

[Scentedstock]

Is it me or are men becoming increasingly pornsick?

I met a man yesterday for drinks and decided to go back to mines. I was sexually attracted to him, felt safe but knew a relationship would not be on the cards (incompatible). I was horny so went ahead for shag - something about the summer heat.

Sex was great - hot and steamy BUT during the heat of it all he put his finger in my bum. No discussion. I asked him about it and he said ‘woman like it - do you want me to stop?’ To which he immediately did.

is it just me or are men becoming increasingly blatant with these porn type moves when you have only just met? Maybe I am naive. AIBU to feel men should stop pulling these weird moves during a fling. It just seems to expected now a days. I just want a bit of missionary and a glass of wine to liven up my weekend - not feel like an extra in a porn movie.

Haha, I haven't bought the image rights and I'm in Aus so it probably won't work out, but I do love the idea!

Oh ffs
another one - thank you.

Another what? Person who has some respect for myself! I literally don’t know why you’d be surprised.. a finger up the bum is prob the least of your worries!!

The assumption is he is was a stranger (he wasnt)

the next assumption is I put myself in a dangerous situation knowingly (i didnt)

the next assumption is a woman who partakes in a one night stand has no respect for herself -( I have respect for myself in bucket loads) and respect should not be isolated to sexual encounters if you feel respect is gained through not having sex with a man you are leading a very narrow minded life - the majority of men are socialised to see us as second class citizens anyway and only the most developed and aware men are aware of their own thoughts on this - sex or not

the next assumption is that you should trust people (men) who are not strangers - look up the statistics on rape and domestic violence usually it is not a stranger

my post was highlighting the change in attitudes during sex and if porn / internet was to blame for this not to pick apart my own choices about my body and what I do or do not consent to

Some of these posts are absolutely sick.

So once a woman’s consented to penis in vagina sex with someone she’s not in a relationship with, that means she’s consented to the man doing anything to her body? Anal sex? Being tied up? Being penetrated with a foreign object? Being choked? Or is it just a finger up her bum that she’s assumed to have accepted through her slatternly conduct?

Staying that a woman who has a ONS doesn’t have respect for herself is such a nasty attitude.

women have so far to go when even other women hold such attitudes

Its clear that the issue of consent isn't properly (a) legislated and (b) enforced. If you have sex, you do not consent to sex within all orifices or other practices, such as choking. Like with vaginal intercourse, permission should be sought. But we can't even prosecute rape properly so what hope is there for this? Its so antiquated. I hope people in 100 years time will look back and be astonished at the lack of protection for female bodies as we are when we look back aghast on things like women not being allowed to own property on their own.

In fact, consent is now increasingly used as a defence in cases of sexual assault/rape/strangulation causing death. And no-one can give a cogent explanation as to why the special measures introduced for witnesses giving evidence in rape and sexual assault cases aren't generally used (e.g. giving evidence behind screens, recording of evidence, etc).

This very mundane case always stuck in my mind: vocal.media/criminal/man-convicted-of-indecent-assault-after-grabbing-woman-s-breasts-during-consensual-intercourse. A medical student was convicted of indecent assault after injuring a woman's breasts during intercourse so badly that she was was unable to go to work for days afterwards due to pain. The conviction was overturned on appeal, largely due to lack of evidence as to lack of consent. It happened in Jersey, and it seems that the magistrate likely got the issue if not the standard of proof correct first time round but that might not even have happened elsewhere in the UK. if you read some of the social media comments on the case at the time, its clear that many, many men simply do not understand the law concerning consent or simply don't care because its near impossible to enforce. Its a recurring problem in rape and sexual assault cases and the law clearly needs to be clarified and updated to protect women. Penetrating the anus without consent clearly is sexual assault/rape but as it stands it would be well nigh impossible to prosecute in the absence of serious and perhaps permanently disabling injury, and even then it would be debatable.

And considering the fact many WOMAN here (general public) have the assumption I went home with a stranger, have no respect for myself and what do I expect. I despair.

I hold my hands up and say nothing will change in this lifetime. This thread proves the madonna whore complex is not isolated to men.

And tbh OP I would report him to the police for sexual assault if it were me. People should not tolerate this. Unlikely to result in a successful prosecution but I'm bearing in mind that I'm a lawyer and perhaps have a difference experience of being taken seriously by the police than many others (should not be the case and not infallible). Also difficult to do when you simply want to get on with your life and forget the little creep.

100% agree with @Whodoiwanttobe I know it doesn't sit well with some posters on here - saying something like this poster said, but trust me, plenty of people will be thinking it.

@Scentedstock

This thread proves the madonna whore complex is not isolated to men.

Wrong. I would have exactly the same thoughts about a MAN who had a one night stand with a stranger, and then came onto a message forum complaining that she tried to do something he classed as 'non-vanilla.'

So sexual assault is ok on one night stands for you because the person should accept that if they have sex with a stranger?

And what about in the OP's case where it's a ONS with someone who isn't a stranger? Is that more or less acceptable to have unwanted things inflicted on you?

No wonder rape and sexual assault convictions are so low if people with such views are so prevelant.

I suppose your view is quite refreshing. You’re saying that all men are dangerous animals who don’t understand consent (and even if they do they’ll ignore it), so what on earth did OP expect by having a ONS - she was lucky it was just a finger up the bum? To be honest, I’m so sick of hearing people bleat ‘NAMALT’ about male violence that it almost makes a welcome change to hear someone at least acknowledge that yes, all men are like that.

Perhaps that poster is under the mistaken impression that having sex with people known well to you is some kind of guarantee of safety...how unrealistic all round.

I’m glad! I can’t change my mind and feel differently. We are all entitled to our opinion and that’s mine.

You are indeed entitled to your nasty and misogynistic opinion.

No… not at all. Most men aren’t dangerous predators and the whole men bashing thing pisses me off but I just feel she put herself in a vulnerable position where anything could have happened. Yes I assumed it was a one night stand with a stranger as she said she met him and was sexually attracted so eluded to the fact she hadn’t met him before… I may be wrong!

she then said this ‘the majority of men are socialised to see us as second class citizens anyway and only the most developed and aware men are aware of their own thoughts on this - sex or not’

so she assumes because most men class women as second class citizens, he felt it ok to put his finger up her bum! Man bashing again ffs… most men I know, respect women entirely but IMO if you put yourself out there for ONS, it will attract a certain type of man!

😆 in your opinion…

Well yes, that’s the thing about opinions, it’s not only you who is allowed them

God some of the replies on here are horrifying if I have consented to normal sex even if that is a first date I still get to decide my boundaries!

I’m not saying it’s ok but you’re putting yourself in a dangerous situation so what exactly do you expect? I can’t imagine letting a stranger touch me let alone penetrate me! Maybe have more respect for yourself?

Wow. What a disgusting, vile, misogynistic opinion to hold.

How exactly? Hardly prejudiced against women that I wouldn’t have a one night stand is it! I don’t think men should either

If he had stuck a finger up my arse unexpectedly he’d have been met by a few bum grapes and possibly an explosive shit to finish

There’s a difference between “I wouldn’t have one” and “have more respect for yourself”

Its judgemental, misogynistic and, in this particular case, massively victim blaming with your comments.

Oh bore off!