Finger in bum

[Scentedstock]

Is it me or are men becoming increasingly pornsick?

I met a man yesterday for drinks and decided to go back to mines. I was sexually attracted to him, felt safe but knew a relationship would not be on the cards (incompatible). I was horny so went ahead for shag - something about the summer heat.

Sex was great - hot and steamy BUT during the heat of it all he put his finger in my bum. No discussion. I asked him about it and he said ‘woman like it - do you want me to stop?’ To which he immediately did.

is it just me or are men becoming increasingly blatant with these porn type moves when you have only just met? Maybe I am naive. AIBU to feel men should stop pulling these weird moves during a fling. It just seems to expected now a days. I just want a bit of missionary and a glass of wine to liven up my weekend - not feel like an extra in a porn movie.

I think you’re right - the expectations of what is “normal” to just go ahead and do without asking first have really shifted in the last few years. I’m old enough to remember when certain acts were illegal, now they are seen as something women are criticised for not letting someone dive right into.

Nice variation on 'she was asking for it' 🙄

I get this is you just being judgemental but your whole sentiment is totally wrong. It doesn’t matter how promiscuous someone is (not saying OP is), people still deserve to be treated with respect during sex and not a sex object, that implies anything goes and consent is not required, the woman/man deserves it.

OP I wouldn’t have liked this either, but you said stop and he did. Doesn’t mean you deserve to be treated like shit though.

Sorry no, there is a baseline level of respect that every person deserves and non-consensual bum fingering is on the wrong side of that line. Many women do like it, he’s right, but you’d ask first, surely!

I do remember quite a few lads trying this in the 90s, and the rest. It's not that new.

But she only got chance to say stop after he did it, he should have given her the option to say no before he did it

This - get rid though as if he think we all like it the same he needs to jog on my

I don't care if you have sex with someone after 5 mins or 5 years, every single person deserves courtesy, respect and consent should ALWAYS be given.

Can. People. Stop. Slut. Shaming. The. OP

@Scentedstock I think he crossed a line. The problem is that some folk like to make out that first-date sex should mean anything goes due to not having somehow “evaluated” , as if three or four dates would make it somehow more likely to know this man’s finger-in-bum predilection

its 2022 and women are still being told off for not liking something during sex, or liking sex enough to want it straight away, or being in a sexual scenario and not wanting something

lord help us

Reported. What a disgusting individual you are.

How do you know? It seems to be fairly common to me, going by what friends and acquaintances say.

I have never explicitly been asked "can I do this specific thing?"

It's usually hinted at, with a finger (or whatever) moving somewhere and if I don't want it, I say no.

What a nasty attitude

What on earth? If someone has sex on the first date it means they are consenting to things being inserted into their arse when they don't want it?

Really?

You posters shaming the op can't actually be serious, and if you are I feel so sorry if you have daughters!

I have had sex on the first date in the past, and no I definitely wasn't consenting to being anally penetrated without someone asking first.

I was raped many years ago after going back with a guy to his flat - did I deserve that as I'm 'the type of woman to have sex on a first date?'

Consent requires people to ask at each stage with each new act. Would you like it if I put my x in your y? Can you put your y on my x? You can have sex with someone 2 minutes after meeting them it does not give them any more right to override consent than if you wait a month or a year. Ditto, they can't do whatever they want to you just cos you marry them. For the record because you agreed to something last week doesn't mean you can't say no to it this week. Even in hardcore BDSM there is a lot of discussion about what is in and what is out.

'Vanilla' is commonly used in kink communities. What's wrong with it?

Maybe a respectful
1 hole or 2? Is needed?

I agree, he should wait until you've suggested it or ask or something but non-consensual bum fingering is not on. He should have read the situation better.

Aren't you lovely?!

Wow, the misogyny is strong on this thread

Also OP another reason why I am pissed off with this bloke is - he could so easily have asked - but I don’t think he wanted to know the answer. Which is of course categorically NOT consent

I think he was doing it as a precursor to moving something else there to replace the finger. And as usual with ignorant folk like this, it would be done with no lube or preparation etc. As a kind of “oh you tolerated the finger, so..”

god I really hate men like this who seem to think sex is some kind of platform computer game with levels and different things to achieve in the shortest time possible

I quite like it, but not on a first date and definitely not without asking!!!

I too want I just want a bit of missionary and a glass of wine to liven up my weekend on a tshirt😂

He should find out before crossing over it if he's not sure.

Isn't it just?

I despair, sometimes.

not even going to waste my breath responding to slut shamers.

point if the thread and aibu is the normalisation of men who feel very confident, very quickly that a woman will be OK more than PIV and a bit of oral sex. Something I never expierenced ten years ago and very common now - pushing these kinky things - slapping, anal, choking. Friends have felt similar.

Porn and kink have turned out to be so liberating for women, have they not.