Finger in bum

[Scentedstock]

Is it me or are men becoming increasingly pornsick?

I met a man yesterday for drinks and decided to go back to mines. I was sexually attracted to him, felt safe but knew a relationship would not be on the cards (incompatible). I was horny so went ahead for shag - something about the summer heat.

Sex was great - hot and steamy BUT during the heat of it all he put his finger in my bum. No discussion. I asked him about it and he said ‘woman like it - do you want me to stop?’ To which he immediately did.

is it just me or are men becoming increasingly blatant with these porn type moves when you have only just met? Maybe I am naive. AIBU to feel men should stop pulling these weird moves during a fling. It just seems to expected now a days. I just want a bit of missionary and a glass of wine to liven up my weekend - not feel like an extra in a porn movie.

He should have asked instead of just poking it up there.

Fucking hell...I think I'd get more intelligent conversation and rational thought from ducks at the pond in the park.

I've already made it clear that no, there's no 'green light' for anyone to do as they wish. I've said I don't understand why this one act requires a different level of consent from all the other stuff they did.

To me, a finger up the bum isn't shocking, weird or perverted. Plenty of women do this, as the guy noted. He might well think it's along the same lines as fingering (vag) - I certainly do.

I happen to think all the things you've mentioned from kissing, oral, touching to piv and anal need explicit consent, although I would agree that they don't need to be verbal, a nod, moving your head towards them to meet a kiss etc is fine.

But in this case it doesn't sound like he drifted his finger towards her anus then paused for a second to give her chance to nod or move away or shake her head, instead he just went right ahead and shoved it in, not giving her the opportunity to consent, verbally or otherwise. That's where it crosses the line.

Plus what the hell happened to men asking if you liked stuff, and watching for your reactions instead of having sex by numbers and ticking things 'women like' off a list

A bloke looking into your eyes asking you if you like something is way sexier than him just shoving his finger up your arse without so much as a glance

Yes, that crosses a line. Forcefully shoving anything anywhere is obviously not OK. A forceful kiss on the lips isn't OK. But that's not what she was asking. She seems taken aback that he thinks this is a thing most women want/do.

@pixie5121 To you it's no big deal, to others it is.
Just because others do it, assumption shouldn't be made that everyone does it.
Which this bloke did.
Enjoy your ducking conversation in the park though, which isn't my cup of tea, but whatever floats your boat.

And I think even the ducks in the park are aware that the vagina and the anus are two different orifices. Ideally I like the men I sleep with to have that awareness too, both for consent purposes and also, y’know, basic skills. A man who thinks “it’s all just fingering down there at the end of the day, innit” doesn’t seem like someone who’d be able to identify a clitoris in a line-up.

Blimey what a lot of assumptions on this thread

has sex on first date - slut who obviously is asking for things and risking pregnancy and STI's (erm condoms! also I've has plenty of ONS's never got PG or caught siphylaids thank you ms judgypants)

Flip side - women who don't want a finger up the mum apparently want missionary sex (with wine??) which is boring

also men need to ask to put anything up anywhere before doing so - surely that's not hard to understand?

I think the difference is that a vagina is biologically ‘meant’ for sex (poor phrasing, I know), but the anus isn't.

Then again, I’m surprised that anal play is now mainstream.

Wtf?

Consulted my mum and she doesn’t want a finger up her either.

I read the OP completely differently to you, I read it that she seems taken aback by men just going for it e.g.:

is it just me or are men becoming increasingly blatant with these porn type moves when you have only just met?

AIBU to feel men should stop pulling these weird moves during a fling.

And I agree with her. Until men are taking their time to judge your reactions and make sure that you are comfortable with each stage then they certainly shouldn't be shoving their fingers anywhere, regardless of whether men think women want or do these things.

Oh fuck!

As your mum said last night…

I wouldn't expect a finger in my arse on the first shag unless I guided his hand there to do that. Wouldn't mind it in a relationship once they know I'm into it, but no one should assume.

😂

Its like guys who try to shove their penis in your mouth without so much as a look. I mean yes most women will give blowjobs, and yes they are mainstream etc etc, but I still get a choice and the chance to say no, otherwise its not the kind of man I want to be having sex with

The fundamental point I was making is that how hard is to just have a normal one night stand as two grown ups? Without something weird happening? Like them shoving a finger up your bum. I am not against anal sex. I am not ‘vanilla’ for just wanting normal sex with an almost stranger.

i think the point I am trying to make as a sexually active woman who likes sex and likes men is that it is becoming apparent to me and my female cis heterosexual friends that these things are now happening routinely - rather that it being a oddity once off - it seems most encounters with men now a days they casually do something that only several years ago they would have been far more hesistant to do so (one night stand or not). Iyswim

Hilarious 😂

Am I the only one who got a pop-up of a newspaper article, while reading OPs post, about this exact thing?
Woman took man to court for poking finger up her bum during a one night stand!
Named him but not her, and in my honest opinion they should have named her, too, or neither of them!!

One time I had a one night stand the guy decided to suck my toes. I have a hatred of anyone touching my feet, and we were in a tent and had just walked across a wet muddy field and my feet were not exactly clean. Totally killed the mood for me. I think I would have preferred the offer of a finger up my bum at that point 😁

If he put his finger up her bum without consent then he sexually assaulted her. No we do not routinely name sexual assault victims in the papers in this country and nor should we.

Oh give over 🙄

If a man wants to stick his penis up an arse does he actually need a woman for that. Is he a closet gay but he can’t actually come out and admit that so the next best thing is to use a woman’s anal passage with all the biological implications that come with that

oh ffs. Are you really this ignorant or just bring goady?
Do you know that some women like anal sex? What does that make them, in your head?

Luckily I’ve been in a monogamous relationship for about 15 years…but I was perhaps a bit promiscuous before than and there was definitely a sudden ramp up in men who thought licking or fingering the arsehole was fair game on the first shag. It’s not in my book.