Page 7 | Finger in bum

Scentedstock · 2022-06-19T17:14:25+00:00

Is it me or are men becoming increasingly pornsick? I met a man yesterday for drinks and decided to go back to mines. I was sexually attracted to him, felt safe but knew a relationship would not be on the cards (incompatible). I was horny so went ahead for shag - something about the summer heat. Sex was great - hot and steamy BUT during the heat of it all he put his finger in my bum. No discussion. I asked him about it and he said ‘woman like it - do you want me to stop?’ To which he immediately did. is it just me or are men becoming increasingly blatant with these porn type moves when you have only just met? Maybe I am naive. AIBU to feel men should stop pulling these weird moves during a fling. It just seems to expected now a days. I just want a bit of missionary and a glass of wine to liven up my weekend - not feel like an extra in a porn movie.

Merryoldgoat · 20/06/2022 07:50

Smileyaxolotl1 · 19/06/2022 18:18

I don’t think the blokes unreasonable to think that someone who likes to shag on a first date might want something a bit more than vanilla sex to be honest.

Wtaf?

SandyWedges · 20/06/2022 08:18

we are just saying that it’s a bit rich for someone who fucks random strangers to clutch her pearls and imply that a bloke who wants to put his fingers up her bum is a porn addled pervert.

Shes not clutching her pearls ffs. Just wondering when sex got less vanilla as standard

BalloonsAndWhistles · 20/06/2022 08:41

Firstly he should definitely have asked your permission. Secondly, having never done this, I don’t really get what’s in it for either party. Thirdly, if I were ever to do it, I want to make sure I hadn’t just done a juicy poo if you know what I mean 😆

Jedsnewstar · 20/06/2022 08:44

I think your right. It was standard to knock on the back door first and see if anyone is in.

Original poster

Scentedstock · 20/06/2022 09:32

SavoirFlair · 19/06/2022 23:07

we are just saying that it’s a bit rich for someone who fucks random strangers to clutch her pearls and imply that a bloke who wants to put his fingers up her bum is a porn addled pervert.

First of all, if OP had sex with a new acquaintance once according to her post, does this make her 'someone who fucks random strangers?'

Once again - slut shaming.

Secondly, was OP 'clutching her pearls'? She's saying she went out for sex, and got an unwanted finger in her bum. She was asking 'why' to a forum of people whom I'm sure she hoped weren't going to judge whether she was worthy of an opinion on her own body and wants.

Finally, why is it a 'bit rich' for her to have an opinion about men who finger women without consent?

Did she lose her right to an opinion because she's once consented to a one night stand, and that makes her a jezebel who can't criticise men or anyone else?

Makes me sick. Here we are and we've been worrying about men calling us hos and sluts , when all this time...right under our noses

Thank you. 💐

OP posts:

Original poster

Scentedstock · 20/06/2022 09:36

SandyWedges · 20/06/2022 08:18

we are just saying that it’s a bit rich for someone who fucks random strangers to clutch her pearls and imply that a bloke who wants to put his fingers up her bum is a porn addled pervert.

Shes not clutching her pearls ffs. Just wondering when sex got less vanilla as standard

Yep No pearl clutching here
just wondered when putting fingers up bum was standard
having intercourse with a man does not mean you consent to anything
thankfully I am confident enough to verbalise what I like and dont like - he also respected that

never knew him five minutes either for those assuming I swiped on him on Grindr on online dating and rushed to get my rocks off

so much judgement

OP posts:

JustLyra · 20/06/2022 09:40

I think what has changed, most likely due to porn, is the assumption that it’s wanted.

I remember as a teen and early twenties guys letting their finger linger there as a sort of “will she let me?” type thing. Whereas now, from hearing my daughters and their friends talk, there’s just an assumption that it’s fine so guys just go straight for it.

The level of slut-shaming on this thread is staggering. so much “well she did X so he could assume Y”. So much misogyny and yet people wonder why victims of sexual assault and rape are so reluctant to speak out…

Original poster

Scentedstock · 20/06/2022 09:42

Jedsnewstar · 20/06/2022 08:44

I think your right. It was standard to knock on the back door first and see if anyone is in.

This was my own expierences too

OP posts:

Original poster

Scentedstock · 20/06/2022 09:47

JustLyra · 20/06/2022 09:40

I think what has changed, most likely due to porn, is the assumption that it’s wanted.

I remember as a teen and early twenties guys letting their finger linger there as a sort of “will she let me?” type thing. Whereas now, from hearing my daughters and their friends talk, there’s just an assumption that it’s fine so guys just go straight for it.

The level of slut-shaming on this thread is staggering. so much “well she did X so he could assume Y”. So much misogyny and yet people wonder why victims of sexual assault and rape are so reluctant to speak out…

Yep
Its vile
i just hope they realise this is a social and societal issue and not an individual one (because I went home with him, and was alone with him clearly I am a sex craving slut who will be up for anything) - the level of delusion is staggering

was I asking for a finger up my bum because I was wearing a dress and drinking wine too? Surely he seen me and I had a sign on my head saying ‘one night stand and anal sex material’. Was it my conversation that made him think I was up for anything? Seriously check yourselves. Last time I will post on mumsnet for advice.

over and out

OP posts:

babyjellyfish · 20/06/2022 09:51

Onlyforcake · 19/06/2022 18:19

Got to laugh at those so stuck in the 90s they think vanilla is a relevant term. Yikes

Vanilla basically just means safe, consensual, non-porny sex, doesn't it?

Cyclebabble · 20/06/2022 09:55

This thread worries me. It is a woman's personal choice when and if she has sex and also what kind of sex she has. I am surprised at the number of (I think) women questioning this.

neverbeenskiing · 20/06/2022 10:07

Any man who says "women like it" about any sexual act would put me right off him. The assumption that we're all the same and because his ex liked a finger up the bum that means you should too is adolescent thinking.

It's also something men do to get women to go along with what they want. "Other women like it" implies there's something wrong with you if you don't and they know full well that some women will then feel pressured. A bit like my first boyfriend trying to get me to have anal sex at 15 by insisting "lots of girls prefer it". He had never been with anyone except me so how the hell would he know?? He didn't want anal because he genuinely thought I'd enjoy it. He wanted it because he wanted it, and he thought the easiest way to get what he wanted was to convince me I was strange or boring for not wanting it too.

OP's ONS wasn't wrong for wanting to stick his finger up her bum but he was wrong to assume she wanted it too. Either ask or very tentatively move your finger so she can make it clear she's into it or not. It's really not difficult.

Smileyaxolotl1 · 20/06/2022 10:57

Cyclebabble

once again for the illiterates at the back.

NO one has said the OP should have done anything she didn’t want to.
No one has said the man had a right to do what ever he wanted because it was a ONS.

SavoirFlair · 20/06/2022 20:24

Smileyaxolotl1 · 20/06/2022 10:57

Cyclebabble

once again for the illiterates at the back.

NO one has said the OP should have done anything she didn’t want to.
No one has said the man had a right to do what ever he wanted because it was a ONS.

@Smileyaxolotl1

I think it's pretty rude of you to call folk who are rightly questioning the tone of some of these posts, 'illiterate'. That's a very low form of argument.

Yes - to follow this strawman argument - you're correct in that no one on here has said the man has a right to do what he wanted.

But we're not talking about that. Instead, there have been plenty on here who have claimed it is (and I quote) 'a bit rich' that the OP has complained about why a guy desires this. And the reason given as to why it is a 'bit rich' is that she 'fucks random strangers' (their plural).

So ok, no one is claiming the OP should have done anything she didn't want to.

But there are plenty who are saying OP is morally unjustified to talk about her needs. They are claiming the OP shouldn't really complain about the motivations or inspirations of someone who did something she didn't want...because of her own choice to select casual sex for one evening.

I mean, am I still at the back here? Am I illiterate also?

Or is my point an argument you'd rather bury beneath this other stuff ('men can do what they want') - an assertion that literally no one is saying on here?

FlippityFlapperty · 20/06/2022 20:54

I think a lot of men are not exploring women’s bodies in a way which is sensual or attentive /
responsive to how the woman herself is actually reacting. Instead, it’s like some have a mental tickbox of stuff that they see in porn and think great sex is a session which includes as much as possible. So then you get spitting on vulvas, choking, fingers up arses, slapping vulvas and arses, constantly moving positions, no clitoral stimulation, heads being pushed onto dicks for oral, and all without knowing that the woman wants any of it. YANBU. It’s shit sex.

WooFighters · 20/06/2022 21:04

A finger of fudge is just enough to make a girl retreat.
Bleurgh.

PurpleButterflyWings · 20/06/2022 21:45

FlippityFlapperty · 20/06/2022 20:54

I think a lot of men are not exploring women’s bodies in a way which is sensual or attentive /
responsive to how the woman herself is actually reacting. Instead, it’s like some have a mental tickbox of stuff that they see in porn and think great sex is a session which includes as much as possible. So then you get spitting on vulvas, choking, fingers up arses, slapping vulvas and arses, constantly moving positions, no clitoral stimulation, heads being pushed onto dicks for oral, and all without knowing that the woman wants any of it. YANBU. It’s shit sex.

AT least we know what kind of stuff YOU watch now @FlippityFlapperty

moredogsthansense · 20/06/2022 22:04

stuntbubbles · 19/06/2022 20:47

And I think even the ducks in the park are aware that the vagina and the anus are two different orifices. Ideally I like the men I sleep with to have that awareness too, both for consent purposes and also, y’know, basic skills. A man who thinks “it’s all just fingering down there at the end of the day, innit” doesn’t seem like someone who’d be able to identify a clitoris in a line-up.

Show quote history

Ducks in the park won’t be aware that

moredogsthansense · 20/06/2022 22:11

Sorry, posting issues. To quote earlier poster: ducks in the park won’t be aware that the anus and vagina are separate orifices, because for them they’re not. They have a single opening called a cloaca, which everything is plumbed into, including a retractable penis in males.

Crankley · 20/06/2022 22:20

I can't tell you how thrilled I am to be too old to be dating and having ONSs.

If you see this bloke again, OP, tell him you've bought a strap on since you thought men liked it.

PurpleButterflyWings · 20/06/2022 22:46

Crankley · 20/06/2022 22:20

I can't tell you how thrilled I am to be too old to be dating and having ONSs.

If you see this bloke again, OP, tell him you've bought a strap on since you thought men liked it.

Why does she need a strap on finger?

Coz that's what he put in her anus - his finger.

Mincingfuckdragon · 21/06/2022 03:17

I'm a bit late, but loved the tshirt idea so...😁

Original poster

Scentedstock · 21/06/2022 05:16

Mincingfuckdragon · 21/06/2022 03:17

I'm a bit late, but loved the tshirt idea so...😁

Omfg! Pm me! I want it

you know you have made it in life when A MN creates a tshirt of your post

ps I will not be seeing him again 😂🍑

OP posts:

Goldencarp · 21/06/2022 06:54

“Women like it”?! Oh dear. No you’re not unreasonable. That’s just a weird thing to do without some sort of discussion.

Whodoiwanttobe · 21/06/2022 07:00

Scentedstock · 19/06/2022 21:08

The fundamental point I was making is that how hard is to just have a normal one night stand as two grown ups? Without something weird happening? Like them shoving a finger up your bum. I am not against anal sex. I am not ‘vanilla’ for just wanting normal sex with an almost stranger.

i think the point I am trying to make as a sexually active woman who likes sex and likes men is that it is becoming apparent to me and my female cis heterosexual friends that these things are now happening routinely - rather that it being a oddity once off - it seems most encounters with men now a days they casually do something that only several years ago they would have been far more hesistant to do so (one night stand or not). Iyswim

IMO you’re having sex with a stranger so you’re trusting them without even knowing them. You don’t know them, they don’t know you and can and may do anything. I’m not saying it’s ok but you’re putting yourself in a dangerous situation so what exactly do you expect? I can’t imagine letting a stranger touch me let alone penetrate me! Maybe have more respect for yourself?