Father’s Day if you have two mums

[Africa2004]

My daughter has two mums. We have a good relationship with her preschool & it’s never been an issue.
This Father’s Day they produced photos of each of the children holding signs dedicated to their daddy (a few said grandad). They posted these on social media. My child was the only one holding a sign dedicated to nobody, she looked very happy in the photo but it really upset me.
I can’t decide whether it’s no big deal or whether they should’ve asked/just put mummy or not posted on social media?

Please don't presume to tell widows how to make their children feel secure. Father's Day is not a 'great opportunity' for a kid whose own dad dropped dead in front of them.

Have you read the thread at all? The OP said her daughter has two mothers! Zero mention of their child losing a parent!!

Not in way there isnt

widowed and young

many children in that group have no mum or dad coz dead

same With the group I admin on for suicide

have many members feeling Shit today as they can celebrate with their dad but their children can’t

I do agree should be a special persons day sometimes rather then mum or dad

is your dad not about @Africa2004

Exactly - I am talking about a situation where the child has two loving parents, no trauma, but there is a predictable awkwardness on this particular day.

I have a memory of the compulsory Fathers' Day card making being the first time I got angry/stroppy in school. I had no memory of ever having to make one before, which probably means I'd been taken for another activity since I was in Reception - this was in Year 4.

The supply teacher ordered me to make one even though I'd said that I didn't have a father. She'd told me that everybody did, I was being silly and if I didn't make one, I'd be kept behind after school until I did. So I stomped back to my table and drew one of a graveyard out of sheer bloodymindedness.

One of the other regular teachers came into the class shortly afterwards, said hello to me/asked about my picture and I complained at great length that that teacher had said she was going to keep me behind unless I made a Fathers' Day card, so I'm doing one of where my father is and I didn't think my Mum was going to be very happy - whilst adding extra vampire bats over the big headstone labelled DAD.

Five minutes later, I was collected by the Headmaster because 'Mrs B needs somebody to help her in the Office this afternoon'. I got to use the Banda printer, so I was happy, albeit still cross that the supply teacher wouldn't listen to me. I assume that my mother had been phoned and asked to pick me up from the office instead of the usual location and been told I'd kicked up a fuss, as she asked me what happened and I then grumbled at her about it.

If they approached you, what-who would you have suggested? What did she have on her sign?

Wow, didn’t mean to start a debate on same sex parenting. We’re comfortable with that decision and as pointed out, our daughter is here so your hate and pity is not needed. She’s happy and loved.
to answer some questions-she will have a relationship with the donor (he’s not a dad) when she’s older.
she has many male role models in her life (yes I have a dad). They didn’t ask. But I take on board they may have asked dd and all the people she adores happen to be female.
i have talked to her about fathers, we’ve read so many books on different families. My concern wasn’t Father’s Day but having a card to hold up with nobody’s name on it (ie different to the rest of the children).
I am in no way comparing our situation to bereaved children. Although my partner lost her dad at a young age and very much remembers how hard the day was for her in school.
thanks again, everyone (even the haters, you’ve opened my eyes to what we may have to contend with as a family).

That’s sounds horrendous, I’m sorry you were put in that situation but love how you dealt with it (& the name)

I had read the entire thread even before deletions and I saw no 'hate', just people saying your daughter had a right to have a relationship with her father and that many/most ss relationships usually make sure the child has a relationship during childhood with the father/donor. Which I am sure most would agree with. I think you've manufactured hate where there is none because you didn't like the answers and it made a you feel a bit guilty.

You’re wrong. I don’t feel guilt, why does she need that relationship? She has two loving parents and a huge family. Would you advise a straight couple who used a speed donor to maintain a relationship with the donor?
the hate was minimal but referred mostly to the person who said I was selfish & abhorrent and bought this situation on myself.
the fact there have been deletions proves there was some breach of kindness.

When my daughter was in primary school, 20 years ago, for mother’s day and father’s day, they amended to “person who cares for you”.
there was a girl in my daughter’s class whose mum had died, another who lived with grandparents etc.
i think all the parents were happy with the adjustment.

if you are in the UK and your DC attends a CofE school this will stop. They do Mother’s Day as it’s got the religious link but nothing for Father’s Day.

why does she need that relationship?

Why do you assume she doesn't need it? Why is it up to you to determine a child has no need to have a relationship with her biological parent? Why do you get that right to determine for her? What if she resents you for it?

Yes, I would advise a straight couple who used a sperm donor to maintain a relationship with them. As I would a single person. It has nothing to do with ss or hetero or single or bi. It's about the rights of the child. Not your rights.

I completely 100% agreed with that poster with what they said I do believe it is wrong and selfish to knowingly deprive a child of a relationship with their parent (all things being ok ie no abuse or desertion etc). It's not putting the child first. All the gay couples I know have done the right thing and the surrogate/donor have an active role in their child's life, that's how it should be, if you are thinking of the interests and rights of the child.

Why is it up to you to determine a child has no need to have a relationship with her biological parent? Why do you get that right to determine for her? What if she resents you for it?

@WhenAllIsLost have you read the OPs posts? She said her child will have a relationship with the biological parent.

When she's 'older', which seems to me saying when she's 18+. She doesn't have a relationship with him now.

Nope I'm not them. But I do agree with them as do a couple of others. Sorry that it upsets you that there is more than one of us.
I've made nothing up, I am going on the OP's own words.

Though it's ironic you talk about "presumptive" and "making stuff up as you go along" which is exactly what you did when you assumed they were homophobic and they said they fought for ss couples to marry and that their stance on the rights of the child is the same whether the adults are ss or heterosexual.

It’s also ‘ironic’ that you write exactly the same as the other poster, and have name changed especially for this thread, but yet claim to be someone different. The kid is in pre school, there’s a lot of years between that and 18+, you’ve presumed.

Aha, thank you. I get it now x

Wow 😡😡😡. So rude.

There was a lot of hate and judgement about people who have children outside a heterosexual, nuclear, BIO family unit. Personally appalled to see such attitudes so alive and well in 2022.

Why is it up to you to determine a child has no need to have a relationship with her biological parent

@WhenAllIsLost why is it up to you to determine a child does need to have a relationship with the person who produced the sperm that grew them ?
There are all sorts of ways to have a family, how dare you call someone selfish for how they chose to grow and raise their own children. You know nothing of OP’s life or the needs of her child.

It's Father's Day though and you're both mother's.

But why do schools have to get involved at all? We never discussed mothers or fathers day when I was at school. We did school stuff at school and family stuff at home. I had a fairly unconventional family and no one bugged me because it was private. Vastly preferable.