Father’s Day if you have two mums

[Africa2004]

My daughter has two mums. We have a good relationship with her preschool & it’s never been an issue.
This Father’s Day they produced photos of each of the children holding signs dedicated to their daddy (a few said grandad). They posted these on social media. My child was the only one holding a sign dedicated to nobody, she looked very happy in the photo but it really upset me.
I can’t decide whether it’s no big deal or whether they should’ve asked/just put mummy or not posted on social media?

Because children who are raised by a solo parent have it much tougher in life, they are more likely to suffer depression, substance abuse, lower educational achievements etc. They miss out more in life growing up without a parent, than children growing up with two parents not being able to write a father's / mother's day card.

I don't like the idea of erasing days like this because it is difficult for some. That takes us down a dodgy road of everyone being offended by everything.

This. You deliberately chose to create a fatherless (or motherless) child. That's a decision you made on behalf of your child. Just because you don't believe your child wants or needs to acknowledge a father doesn't mean you get it to make it on behalf of everyone else's.

Wow....what a piece of work you are. Disgusting comment. Shame on you.

100%

What about the child who has lost their mother and sees the media hype for Father's Day and has no one to help them make a card for their Dad?
We let that child be upset instead.

I think it is better to acknowledge it carefully then ignore it.

There's still value in making cards- writing, designing, not everything is writing in exercise books. My dad died when I was very young, I loved making cards for him even though I knew I'd never physically get to hand it to him. I wasn't hiding trauma or nodding along, it's sad for children who don't feel they can speak up and say they don't want to or whatever, I'm sure most teachers consider their class and their circumstances ie for the recently bereaved I can't imagine they'd steam roller ahead. On the whole though the majority do have parents or close family members like grandparents they'd happily make cards for. I doubt it was made a huge deal of. The issue for OP is the perhaps clumsy way the school has dealt with this.

This.

I agree too.

@marcopront

I always told my children I absolutely did not expect them to make or do anything for Mother's Day as I knew it would be difficult for them. I'm a adult, I don't need a card they've been forced to make whilst the child next to them who'd lost their mother sat their in despair.

I handled the situation, AS A PARENT.

Schools simply need to keep out of it and focus on education.

Seriously. If your employer made you make cards for a partner on Valentine's Day and you'd lost your spouse you'd think this was reasonable? Of course you wouldn't. Why do children have to suffer in ways we don't expect adults to?? Use your heads.

So..'even if they're separated.' Don't you think that might be upsetting for some children?
I wouldn't say that the vast majority of children have a mum and dad. If you read some of the posts on here, you'd think that hardly any do.

Once you factor in same sex relationships, separation, divorce, jail, fostering, adoption, death, then that's an awful lot of children to be upset, just by making an unnecessary card.

I don't agree with the poster who said that schools shouldn't do anything, in case some children are upset.

Making cards for parents who may be absent for any of the above reasons, has the potential for being particularly upsetting. Most other school activities - lessons, sports, school plays, assemblies, are not such a minefield.

Its the same for my kids. I.am a single parent with no living grandfather's to fill the gaps...
I think schools should steer clear of mother's and father's days tbb

@Artwodeetoo

I'm sorry for your loss. My children are different to you in that they prefer to acknowledge their memories of their dad privately and for school to be a safe space. But we're all different.

If your child isn't concerned what's the problem? I'll bet they asked her what she prefered to do

Thanks for all the balanced replies.
no, it wasn’t a blank sign but everybody else had one dedicated to someone in their life. Hers wasn’t.
I fully support mother’s and Father’s Day. My point wasn’t that they should be banned, just whether preschool should have made her look so different.
to the unkind comments about creating a fatherless child, I can’t argue with this, it’s pointless but my child is very loved by two parents and growing up believing everyone should be valued. Can you say the same?

By trying to protect children from never feeling hurt you are doing them no favours in the long run.

I am a lone parent (ex not involved at all) I actually made my own post as my dd was upset about Father’s Day cards being made at school (she hasn’t wanted to go to school since) the school did do generic cards but dd doesn’t have relationship with my dad so she didn’t think to put grandad so hers was left blank, she’s been sad about it since I don’t know how some people can say it doesn’t affect children... there seems to be an assumption that if a child doesn’t have a dad then they have another person who acts like a dad like a grandad or an uncle and that’s just not always the case. Her teacher actually said lots of the children also have absent fathers hence why it’s generic cards.

So it is back to you speaking for everyone.

The employer and valentines card comparison is
a) ridiculous and not related to school
b) ignoring my point about handling it carefully

She doesn’t have a dad so what did you want them to do?

@Africa2004 what would you have liked them to do? I think in situations such as this the teacher probably actually didn't know what to do for the best so I think in the future an open dialogue with the teacher about what they are planning and how you would like DD included is the best option.

At pre-school age maybe she didnt want to make it? Children are very black and white and if she doesn't have a dad maybe she decided not to bother. My dad died when I was 6 and on Fathers Day I just made a card for my grandad/neighbour/friends. I don't remember being traumatised by it , it was Fathers Day and I didnt have a dad so I made my card for someone else. I think if your DD was upset then I would raise it with the school but it she was happy to join in the activity I wouldn't have a problem with her sign not saying 'Dad'

Absolutely vile. Reported you for being a homophobic nut.

By trying to protect children from never feeling hurt you are doing them no favours in the long run

There are many situations where children might feel hurt, and most parents will do their best to protect their children from them. I don't know why you think that it's somehow detrimental to their development.

But that doesn't mean that schools should deliberately do an activity that so clearly has the potential for causing hurt.