Father’s Day if you have two mums

[Africa2004]

My daughter has two mums. We have a good relationship with her preschool & it’s never been an issue.
This Father’s Day they produced photos of each of the children holding signs dedicated to their daddy (a few said grandad). They posted these on social media. My child was the only one holding a sign dedicated to nobody, she looked very happy in the photo but it really upset me.
I can’t decide whether it’s no big deal or whether they should’ve asked/just put mummy or not posted on social media?

If the daughter knew the father, they would be on the card. It's really that obvious. As is the case with a lesbian couple I know. They know their father and have a relationship with their father (albeit not the same as other heterosexual nuclear families) and put their father's name on cards. This girl doesn't seem to know who her father is.

If the father isn’t a father figure they may not have told pre school because it’s none of their business, just as it’s none of yours. She hasn’t implied once she doesn’t no who the father is. Not that it’s relevant or deserving of your attack anyway.

@Alb0 I didn't interpret what you said to be homophobic. There are legitimate ethical discussions around anonymous egg/sperm donation and the right to know one's biological ancestry. I don't know what the OP's exact situation is so I won't surmise, but I understand what you are saying, in general and agree.

My DD’s school already does international womens day (but not mens mental health).

Just because you don’t put much value on fathers/Mother’s Day doesn’t mean no one else does and clearly they do. I’m just pointing out that missing out the ‘hallmark’ holidays that surround our society is a strange thing to do if you’re going to educate about wider celebrations. It’s separating education from the society it’s taking place in.

What a bizarre post with desperate whataboutery. I said - WHERE POSSIBLE, ie except in the circumstances of abuse, desertion, death etc. Must every possible angle be covered for those goady people like yourself? There is a difference between knowingly keeping your child from half of themself (parent) to that parenting dying, or abandoning their mother, walking out or abuse, DV any other situation you can (and will) dream up to excuse your lack of critical thinking and reading skills.

they may not have told pre school

What's that got to do with anything?

The GIRL will know, she would have wrote his name.

She left it blank, that’s her choice I did not want to tell her to write it to me that would have been wrong so she chose to leave it blank, she’s only just turned 5 last month I don’t think it would have occurred to her to write it to mum on Father’s Day.

Thank you.

The child is already here. There is NOTHING kind about your post calling the OP selfish & abhorrent for having a child in a presumably loving relationship!? You may think I'm disgusting that's absolutely fine, I think you are homophobic & a truly awful person for saying the vile things you have. I have many, many gay friends and some have children, it's not a decision taken lightly & the child is always the priority. For you to say otherwise is hurtful and cruel to be honest. The child in this case has already been born - no good can come of you attacking the OP and telling her what a terrible person she is. I can't engage with you any more you clearly believe you are right to spread the hate that you are.

I was raised by just my mother (fathers a dick who walked out on us for another woman).
On fathers day, they'd suggest I could make a card for a grandad, a card for someone's birthday, my mum or someone else in my family or just make a beautiful card for fun.. I'm sure she was given a similar set of options. Maybe she has made it for herself

Bloody hell, this is ridiculous now...
Speak to the school @Africa2004 to find out what happened if you are upset

She’s in PRE SCHOOL, how many pre schoolers are that great at writing other peoples names? You’ll just argue regardless though so I’m finishing up here, it’s clear we won’t agree. You did make me laugh when you called someone else goady though 😅

Luckily the views of the world are changing and it's becoming more common so these children who are 'grieving' a sperm donor will not be alone

what a bizarre, dismissive statement?

‘Luckily’ these people, whose grief you don’t recognise, will all be able to get together to keep their feelings to themselves so you don’t have to be bothered by them?

You clearly don't get it and clearly lack English comprehension and critical thinking skills. I have nothing against same sex people having a child!!!

I simply say the child should also know their other biological/donor parent.

Is that really so hard to understand?

This is MN, you’ll have people posting that their child could write mutliple names in perfect cursive at pre-school.

No. I mean there will be more support if this does turn out to be a significant problem. There has already been a change in legislation where sperm donors must agree to be contacted by any children concieved using their sperm, I assume from some children having a need to find out as they reach adulthood. I think I must be living in a parallel universe as it seems protecting the right of a same sex couple to have a family without being accused of being 'abhorrent' means I am an awful person. Good god.

But rightly so as its none of our business OP hasn't spoken about this, you're assuming. Or are you really suggesting that a pre school age child writes a fathers day card to someone who is likely to have just been a sperm donor?

Except, you don't simply say that. You called the OP unkind, selfish and abhorrent. You could have simply said the child should be able to contact their sperm donor as it has been shown children grieve the loss of the other parent etc. whereby the poster may have replied they are aware of this etc. You chose to attack her and be unkind.

HNRTT and am not sure I want to judging by the number of deleted posts but perhaps download and print the photo published on social media with the blank poster then get your DC to hand write her mums' names in the space or the name of any suitable male relative? Regarding whether to be upset with the school, perhaps wonder what your ideal would have been for your circumstances on father's day and how the school would have known that. If your answer would have been not to do anything then ask yourself if you would then be upset if they'd chosen similarly to do nothing on Mothering Sunday? If you have very firm opinions then perhaps send a note to school or call the teacher in advance next time?

It's an awkward day for many DC.

I'm another who believes it should not be done in schools.

My DC's school request a card for a special man in their life, brother, grandfather not every DC has a male supportive figure in their life.

A friend died suddenly 6 years ago, her DD was 3 it must be heartbreaking for her on the day, I always think about her during the dreaded week.

I'm probably going to sound outdated and a bitch. But..... we can't cancel a celebration of a parent because some people have different styles of families. My mum.married 3 times and still I didn't have a father in my life because they where all twats. I didn't ever think it wasn't fair for.others to make something at school on fathers day. Nor did the child who didn't have a mum on mother's day.

We impose these issues on the kids when they don't see one. We do really seem to be changing and twisting ourselves for the minority.yes it's great we are more mindful and aware but we wouldn't cancel religious holidays because a minority wasn't religious. Might be a poor example.

If she was happy and smiling then I would be happy she was included and not left to watch

This obsession with children knowing their fathers has close links to the MRA movement and is a big factor in why access rights of violent, abusive men are prioritised over a child's needs. I know of children who were ordered to see their father even though he'd murdered their mother.

There was a thread on legal matters recently where a rapist was pursuing a DNA test. The mother of the child was warned by her solicitor to just acquiesce because the court would in all likelihood rule that the test had to go ahead. The fact that this child is being happily raised by the woman's husband is irrelevant - this dubious notion about 'knowing your origins' is apparently more important. That's the attitude that pervades in every single thread on here about same sex relationships, donor conception etc. Biology is king.

I think it's facile to say it's always in a child's interests to know their biological parents. This argument gets easily exploited.

It never used to be a thing schools get involved with or did it and it was just my school that didn't?

I find it staggering that a school would be so clueless in this day and age that they

a) stereotype what the members of the family include in 2022

b) make the broad assumption that all children have a father, to the extent that they will undoubtedly exclude those children who don't have a father because they've died, or have one who isn't in their life, or have 2 mums.

I think they left the card blank so you could choose at home who to give it to
I'm sure there's no malice in it