To have told her she'll need to sort something herself

[Oni0n]

DSD is a teen (14 nearly 15). I've reminded her already that it's father's day on Sunday.

She's just asked me half an hour ago 'have I got a card to give him or something?' basically saying 'have you sorted me a card to give my dad?' I just looked blankly and said I don't know, have you?

She is now saying she's got no money and won't have anything to give him because she thought I was going to sort it. Why she thinks that I don't know as I never have done before.

She gets pocket money but spends it on sweets and other crap.

I've told her sorry but I've not got anything and I'm not rushing to the shop now so she'll have to either make him something or not give him anything.

AIBU?

We do have a child together however they have made a card and gift at nursery so theirs is sorted.

I don’t think YABU.

Shes old enough to have sorted it herself or followed your directions and made something.

Sounds like she’s lazy

well of course not, hence the law.

According to the law, but not according to Mumsnet, where the usual response is 'They'll do it anyway, just make sure they know about contraception and safe sex'.

@GrinAndVomit we are having to remove placements from some degree options, as more organisations are refusing to take on students. The feedback received has just been horrendous the past 6/7 years. 19/20 year olds, with no concept of how to fend for themselves. It's very sad to watch.

People saying this child is lazy, selfish etc, seem to be missing the dads part in all this. If he’s raised one child that is apparently so inconsiderate etc, it doesn’t bode well for the children he has with the OP.

Maybe you’ve picked a bad’un as a father OP.

This isn’t about initiative taking though or a card is it - it’s clearly about the relationship between the OP & her SD & it doesn’t sound great. OP is resentful SD is speaking to her like that. Perhaps SD is resentful OP is being so rigid. Either way it doesn’t sound great. Rather than playing silly power games the adult should be taking initiative to working out what’s going on & getting them more on the same page. But it sounds v separate. You can make him a cake. My kids have already done theirs at school. What about as a PP saying a together/family approach? As opposed to don’t ask me to help I’ve told you plenty times. Isn’t DSD part of the family? Or out on a limb?

Totally agree with this

I like how the OP had to get the wee dig in at the end that her childs gift to their dad was all sorted.

Seems like your doing this out of spite

@Canyouanswermyquestion why were you incapable of buying a card / gift until 18? Did you manage to buy other items in shops and you were just too self absorbed and lazy to buy items for others or what was your problem!?

Poor child 🙁 there are so many reasons why a card might not have been bought other than being lazy and entitled. Take it as an opportunity to build relations and set the good example that showing you think about others is important and rewarding. Take her to the shops and show her how it’s done and then say she needs to do the same next year. She’s probably angry at her Dad because of the low expectations her sm has if her

I beg your pardon? Where on earth did I say i didnt buy cards for anyone until i was 18?

Youve made yourself look like a right dick

FFS ...completely missed point about Father's Day She can make a card.

Ohhhh, you were incapable of buying cards for your dad only until you were over 18….
I don’t think @Namesnamesname is the one who looks like a dick.

If you want your step daughter (she is clearly not a “D”SC) to reap the rewards of her own thoughtlessness, you are going about it the right way. I just wonder if you would be treating your own kids this way in 10 years time - I suspect not. And she will suspect that too. Your call.

Rubbish. Plenty of parents would expect their teenagers to make something rather than drive them to the shops after this rudeness.

Sorry im seriously confused, wtf are you talking about?

1- ive never bought my dad a fathers day card because hes dead

2- It wasnt me that said anything about buying cards until 18+ it was another poster

So now you both look like dicks!!!!!

The whole point of the day is for the child to show appreciation. Pretty meaningless to just hand over a gift chosen and paid for by another adult, or that another adult has insisted you buy. I wouldn't want anything on those terms. I'd rather have the gift directly from my DP.
The cake and handmade card are perfect as they would be genuinely from the DD. If she can't be bothered to do that, then that's too bad, and sad for your DH. But I certainly wouldn't be covering that up by sorting something else for her.

Why on earth didn’t you tell her to buy a damn birthday card at the same time. That makes no sense. (On multiple levels)

You said you ‘totally agree’ with the following post

I didn’t start buying cards for my dad until I was 18+, my DM always sorted it for me or 'helped' me with it until I was an adult

so you are now saying you don’t ‘totally agree’ with this and this isn’t your experience at all? Gosh you’ve ^made yourself look like a right dick’ 🙄

teenagers are extremely poor at understanding anyone else's point of view. Rather than making her sit in her room 'sulking' (feeling awful) it would be better to help her out, and calmly discuss how you know she didn't mean not to get anything, but how it made you feel. Such as "I felt sad for him because he might think that you don't care about him". you really have to spell it out, their brains are re-organising at this age and they just can't do some things you would expect.

I had to re read this!! 🤣🤣 Honestly this poster was reflecting on when they were younger. Unless you know the dad why are you so upset???

I didn't buy my dad anything until I worked!!! He's OK I think!!

Looveeeee how you missed out the last sentence of that quoted answer🤣Which was clearly that part I was 'totally agreeing with' 🙄

It’s a thread about what age it’s appropriate to expect someone to take responsibility of buying Father’s Day card.
I’m not over-invested by commenting. Unless that stands for all comments ever on mumsnet

Maybe UANBU but I do find these threads about how much people resent their step children to be depressing.

Gosh I must have missed that in my mind reading course! It’s so obvious now that out of an entire post you only totally agreed with the last sentence 🙄🙄🙄

Oh do fuck off please

Your overly invested, unless you are the father in question i suggest you get a life

Your boring me

Goodbye

On the flip side, you could say that parents are incredibly entitled expecting children to make a song and dance about them these days. We’ve only been celebrating it since the 70s and 20 odd years ago a scribbled card was fine.