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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To have told her she'll need to sort something herself

280 replies

Oni0n · 18/06/2022 17:01

DSD is a teen (14 nearly 15). I've reminded her already that it's father's day on Sunday.

She's just asked me half an hour ago 'have I got a card to give him or something?' basically saying 'have you sorted me a card to give my dad?' I just looked blankly and said I don't know, have you?

She is now saying she's got no money and won't have anything to give him because she thought I was going to sort it. Why she thinks that I don't know as I never have done before.

She gets pocket money but spends it on sweets and other crap.

I've told her sorry but I've not got anything and I'm not rushing to the shop now so she'll have to either make him something or not give him anything.

AIBU?

We do have a child together however they have made a card and gift at nursery so theirs is sorted.

OP posts:
ancientgran · 20/06/2022 18:57

bringincrazyback · 19/06/2022 21:22

It's not about the mum's relationship to her ex or whether they get on, though. It's about encouraging her daughter to do the right thing because that's part of parenting.

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But that can be hard to do if you hate the recipient of the card/gift. Maybe mothers should all rise above that but they are human so sometimes that won't work.

bringincrazyback · 21/06/2022 09:41

ancientgran · 20/06/2022 18:57

But that can be hard to do if you hate the recipient of the card/gift. Maybe mothers should all rise above that but they are human so sometimes that won't work.

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Point taken. Hopefully all this will give the OP's DSD's head a bit of a wobble and she'll be a bit more organised next year!

aSofaNearYou · 21/06/2022 10:51

But that can be hard to do if you hate the recipient of the card/gift. Maybe mothers should all rise above that but they are human so sometimes that won't work.

True, but this kind of empathy is never applied to the step parent not wanting to rise above their feelings. In this case OP felt that she'd reminded her lots, it was last minute and she'd had a hard day and wanted to rest, and this wasn't her job to fix. Yet she's told over and over that "she's the adult" and should rise above all of this, plus DSDs rudeness about it.

Phobiaphobic · 21/06/2022 11:03

bringincrazyback · 19/06/2022 22:23

That's pure speculation.

Depressing how this thread has turned into the inevitable stepparent-bash.

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**The first rule of MN is any adult that sets healthy boundaries with a child will be pilloried by at least half the people on the thread.

Mellowyellow222 · 21/06/2022 12:43

LuckySantangelo35 · 19/06/2022 22:07

@Mellowyellow222

Because so many people are trying to locate the problem in Op when it’s not her at fault, it is her stepdaughters fault. Op has tried to be helpful and make suggestions and the daughter just couldn’t be arsed. It’s very simple.

And yes it makes me angry when women on here try and attack stepmothers in this way

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getting that angry and worked up a about an anonymous forum is bonkers😂.

people casually throw out opinions. I hope people don’t discuss things like this in real life. Really can you imagine getting that worked up if this was a chat with colleagues over coffee!

its okay to have a chat - but you don’t even know these people. It’s okay for them to express views you don’t agree with - no need to shout with caps because you think you are right and they are wrong

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