To have told her she'll need to sort something herself

[Oni0n]

DSD is a teen (14 nearly 15). I've reminded her already that it's father's day on Sunday.

She's just asked me half an hour ago 'have I got a card to give him or something?' basically saying 'have you sorted me a card to give my dad?' I just looked blankly and said I don't know, have you?

She is now saying she's got no money and won't have anything to give him because she thought I was going to sort it. Why she thinks that I don't know as I never have done before.

She gets pocket money but spends it on sweets and other crap.

I've told her sorry but I've not got anything and I'm not rushing to the shop now so she'll have to either make him something or not give him anything.

AIBU?

We do have a child together however they have made a card and gift at nursery so theirs is sorted.

SHE COULD MAKE HIM A CARD. OP has steered her towards the craft box. Why is everyone banging on about going to the shops at nearly half 9 on a Saturday night?! My 3 year old has drawn her dad a card. All by herself.

Because the way she's acting matters!

She SHOULD feel bad tomorrow when she has nothing to get him. Or better yet, spend the evening making him something so she doesn't have to, fully aware that she might have received more help had she been more polite.

Oh my god. Actually speechless at this

@adorablecat same reasons all the mums do be on here on mother's Day giving out stink.

Shame you won't help her. I think you'll be happy tomorrow when she has nothing. I just couldn't be like this. I'm a stepmother, I treat all the kids the same thank God.

quite curious does this 14 year old have friends? Do they have birthdays, does DSD buy them birthday cards? Who prompts her or does her mother go out and buy gifts and cards for DSD’s friends too?

all the posters who sort out Father’s Day cards and gifts do you also sort out gifts and cards and remember the birthday dates of your children's friends?

Surely that's for her mum to do, not you.

@AnneLovesGilbert oh behave love. I'm sure dc needed some help or did they also mark the date on the diary.

If she can't be arsed using her own money to buy a card during the week, can't be arsed making a card, can't be arsed making him cookies or a cake.... then she's not going to be arsed doing a chore.

She's being lazy, selfish and huffing now to get what she wants. She's almost 15. If this was any other situation where the teenager was being lazy etc people would be telling them to teach a lesson, they should know by how, haven't been brought up properly etc. but because there's a step mum involved it's all oh poor child, wicked stepmother!!

She sounds to me like a lazy brat who needs to learn consequences. The consequences of this will not be life threatening or dangerous, it'll be her feeling like crap tomorrow, and hopefully will show her that treating people like rubbish doesn't feel nice.

This. Lighten up. Help her out.

Why are you ok with her acting like a spoilt lazy brat? It doesn't matter who her mother is, she's acting horrendously and needs to know you can't treat people like that and you don't always just get what you want when you demand it.

If it was me then I'd offer to help make something either a card, or bake etc although we create the project as a team rather than here one I made etc

@beepbeephello are we reading the same thread. How on earth have you concluded that she is a spoilt lazy brat.

This place is honestly bonkers sometimes.

No a gift on fathers days isn't bailing her out. Her dad will be OK with nothing.

Dh is getting his meal of choice, cooked by me and a card ordered by me from our children. Because I appreciate him. They just take him for granted because they're kids.

When they are older they will step in because he's a good dad and they get it.

There is some serious projection on this thread by people who don’t like step mothers. We bought our parents presents using our own pocket money (which was so small we would save it for months to get a Christmas present for them) from the age of 12. I distinctly remember the year we proudly presented our parents with a ceramic teddy bear loo brush holder.

And people wonder why this generation of kids are so anxious and unable to cope. The answer is here in the responses of parents on this thread. The mollycoddling is outrageous.

She was reminded numerous times about Father's Day, she ignored the reminders. She spoke to OP horrendously, expecting her to have sorted it for her. She's was too lazy to get him anything, and is now being too lazy to make him anything. And is now huffing in her room as a consequence to her own behaviour.

Comes across as a spoilt lazy brat to me.

*No a gift on fathers days isn't bailing her out. Her dad will be OK with nothing.

Dh is getting his meal of choice, cooked by me and a card ordered by me from our children. Because I appreciate him. They just take him for granted because they're kids.

When they are older they will step in because he's a good dad and they get it.*

How old are your kids? She's 14 - she's already at "stepping in" age.

I think you are being unreasonable, she's not left school and got a full time job, or even at school still with a part time job, I feel these things fall to us until this happens. X

The mollycoddling is honestly unbelievable on here.

I have worked in higher education for 15+ years and the generations coming in now are rude, entitled, and utterly incapable of doing anything for themselves. If it wasn't so sad, it would be terrifying. These students are coming to university completely unprepared for the realities of life, and struggle immensely and then it hits them even harder when they leave university and have to work. You can pinpoint the students coming in whose parents have mollycoddled them all their lives, and you could put money on them dropping out/repeating/receiving counselling for anxiety. It's extremely sad to watch and I'll never understand why parents do it. It is never ever for the benefit of the child.

Elsewhere on Mumsnet, 14 yos are having sex. If 14yos really do need the amount of handholding in a task as simple as buying or making a card, as is suggested by some people on this thread, I have to wonder if they're capable of consenting to sex.

You’d offer to help a teenager make a card? Because you don’t think they can draw a picture by themselves and write a few short words?

I think it's very fair to expect her at nearly 15 to buy her own card and (if she wants to) a gift for her Dad. My 14 year old DC went out today and bought a card and gift. I didn't give them money for it or ask them to do it. She's nearly an adult and it's her Dad so she should do it herself. As she hasn't then the suggestion to make a card (home made is best anyway) and perhaps bake a cake is perfect. If she chooses to sulk and not bother it'll be her who will probably regret it tomorrow when she has nothing to give him, that'll be an important lesson learnt hopefully!

Two words. Pocket money.

On the first day that my nine year old had her own pocket money, she asked to go to the shop on her own. She came back having spent just half of it. On three doughnuts. One for me, one for her dad, and one for her little sister.

And you think a kid shouldn't have to think of spending their pocket money on anyone other than themself until they've left school and got a full time job?

@LouisRenault well of course not, hence the law.

Well said. And note posters here aren’t saying their teens aren’t allowed to go to shops etc - they go to shops and buy things for themselves. But apparently they’re too young to have to actually think of anyone but themselves! Ridiculous.

I employ students and have to agree with this. Many of my younger staff have a complete lack of initiative combined with a strong aversion to instruction. It’s a worrying combination.