To have told her she'll need to sort something herself

[Oni0n]

DSD is a teen (14 nearly 15). I've reminded her already that it's father's day on Sunday.

She's just asked me half an hour ago 'have I got a card to give him or something?' basically saying 'have you sorted me a card to give my dad?' I just looked blankly and said I don't know, have you?

She is now saying she's got no money and won't have anything to give him because she thought I was going to sort it. Why she thinks that I don't know as I never have done before.

She gets pocket money but spends it on sweets and other crap.

I've told her sorry but I've not got anything and I'm not rushing to the shop now so she'll have to either make him something or not give him anything.

AIBU?

We do have a child together however they have made a card and gift at nursery so theirs is sorted.

Well I guess because it would just be easy if you were buying a gift for your child to just pop ‘Maisy and Jack’ on the tag. But if you handed it over with ‘Jack’ on the tag with nothing from the oldest daughter it would just look a bit off.

@InFiveMins , unless there are special needs, 14 is plenty old enough to buy a card and a little present! Sounds to me as if she just CBA.

You sound like the wicked stepmother

Does she bollocks.

@TimeSlipMushroom

it would be a shame but it’s her own fault. Life’s tough sometimes.

Goodness me the bar for being classes as a wicked step mother is very low 🤣🤣

@Kanaloa yes we've spoken to them about this - particularly after they were so awful on Mothers Day.

Had to text them as they are never bloody home and when they are DH is around too. Yes they are a work in progress and have much to learn but they are fantastic in areas that others kids are not. They all develop in different ways at different times.

DS has now come home with some gifts but DD is at her boyfriend's house and is still not replying to my texts. She will make it everyone else fault when she realises she has nothing to hand over gift wise in the morning. That's how she is at the moment sadly.

I specifically said kids "can" be selfish rather than all kids are selfish as obviously I know there are lots of great kids who aren't selfish. But let's face it many teenagers go through a very self absorbed stage and my DD in particular is deep in that state right now.

I wouldn’t be admitting to that.

@141mum
A 14/15 year old teenager is perfectly able to know when Father's Day is as it's bloody everywhere.

Why should step-mum need to prompt her?

The teen's mum should be reminding her , if needs be, that it's Father's Day tomorrow.

No wonder step mums get a hard time on here!

I was at work (Saturdays) from 15 and full time at 16.

I even managed to buy birthday cards and presents all by myself!

Only 14! If she goes into any shop on her own she's perfectly capable

And , yes, OP.. she should have sorted something herself.
It's not up to you.
At all!

@CallOnMe

FFS yes of course people need things for mothers/Father’s Day! It’s one day of the year where if you’re a parent your offspring should make an effort to show their appreciation. Sometimes that might be a present and card or sometimes just a card but there absolutely should be something. Parents deserve that acknowledgement and token of appreciation.

honestly kids can do wrong on mumsnet! This girl has been thoughtless and inconsiderate, it is her own fault not OP’s or anyone else’s - end of.

@TheQueensMarmaladeSandwich

Nah why should Op have to put herself out and drive out? Also who’s gonna pay for it?

time for his daughter to learn a lesson

Give her a £5 for a card and chocs and give her a chore to have earnt it

@InFiveMins

Did you have some kind of developmental delay as a teen? Because it not, I can see no reason why a 14/15/16/17 year old cannot purchase a card for Father’s Day. Can you elaborate as to what help you believe is needed?

Surely she could make him a card? I doubt he really needs a gift.

@Mellowyellow222

”Taking everything into consideration- if I was the step mum in this situation I would jump in the car with her and take her to the shop.”

Er Nah did you miss the bit about OP being out at work all day?

OP don’t do this, put your feet up with a glass of wine instead 😀

@NoNameNoOne

id want my entire bathroom cleaning to be giving a fiver

My fifteen year old DD has bought a card and a present. And frankly she’s a bit mollycoddled and incompetent. I did remind her but that’s it

Reading some responses, I am so damn grateful for my 15 year old, who has had Father's Day sorted for over a week. Card and present. They pay for Father's/Mother's Day out of their pocket money, and buy a couple of bits for birthdays / Christmas too. When they needed extra money for something, they got a job for a couple of months. They have been doing this for several years. Because we have raised a thoughtful hard working and independent person, not an entitled spoon fed overgrown baby.

OP - you are definitely not being unreasonable. And a homemade card and cake will be fine, your stepchild is perfectly capable of getting off their arse to do it. They just want someone else to do it for them.

Yanbu

She could make him breakfast or a lunch tomorrow

And make a card, it's the thought that counts

I must be a wicked parent then. Father’s Day is about appreciating their parent not me doing something. Yes when younger something made at school or home with support. Then buying something, with support, then sorting themselves out but supplying money. Now they are on their own. From age 13.

It is about the though not the money, a homemade card or baking from cupboard supplies is just as good if not better than brought.

Nah, you;ve given her options, its up to her/her mum to sort it out.
Similar here, havent seen Dsd in weeks, she decides to come over which is absolutely fine.
But no I haven;t organised anything for her to give him. Why would I? DS did his card/gift earlier before we knew she was coming so can't sign his card either.
Up to her mum to sort it or shocker as we give her pocket money, she could try buying a card her self.
Maybe its cos she's a self-centred teen with attitude-I know they're all awful at that age- but I'm not going to go to shops with her-its 10 min walk. And I'm half way through a delicious bottle of wine!
Chin chin!

suggest she gets up early and makes him breakfast in bed.

Is there a shop locally to you that she can walk to? Or would it need to be driven? If there's a shop that she can walk to then I personally would give her a few pounds to go and get a card and box of chocolates - not even really to help her but the day is about your Husband and I'm sure it would make him happy, I would do that for my Partner personally. If it would mean you have to take her somewhere to get something then she's left it too late.

Fwiw I don't have SC but I am a SD and my Step Dad always helped me with getting my Mum a present. Although I never left it to the last minute and my Dad would never have helped

Good grief 😂

YANBU OP.