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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think neighbours should have sent out a polite notice that there will be a wedding in their garden?

156 replies

Pipsquiggle · 18/06/2022 12:17

Just that really

They have a field, and in the last couple of days I have seen a massive circus tent marquee go up. I have only noticed it as I happened to go on a walk that way

We live on a single track lane with no parking. The only access will be walking down our lane, past our houses. I am guessing there will be 200 to 300 guests by the size of marquee.

We are in a neighbours Whatsapp group. All they needed to say was
'It's going to be a bit busy and noisy on Saturday, our DC is getting married. It should be finished around 11:30pm'

OP posts:
EveryFlightBeginsWithAFall · 18/06/2022 17:15

Yeah they should really have let you know. The street next to us held a jubilee party and quite a few people decided to go away for the night because we all knew it would be bloody noisy

Sounds like they didn't due to the neighbours they don't get on with

HarvestFly · 18/06/2022 17:22

Yep totally good neighbour etiquette to have informed you. They could have put a note through doors snd just leave out the neighbour they don't get on with.

On the odd occasion my teens have had parties in the garden I've sent them round to our 2 immediate neighbours to let them know, apologise in advance for any noise and let them know they'll be indoors by 11pm.

Even when I was a student we would inform everyone in the stair and usually invite them all if we were having a party. That's just the etiquette I was brought up with

Kately · 18/06/2022 17:23

Shall we have a sweepstake for the start of the firework display?

I'll go for midnight ☺️

LouisCatorze · 18/06/2022 17:27

Thinking about it, the best thing to do would have been to invite the neighbours. I think that's the correct etiquette in such circumstances?

FloatingAlien · 18/06/2022 17:32

I would hate to have to invite my neighbours just because I was having an event that they might overhear. I've got nothing against them but they aren't my friends.

balalake · 18/06/2022 17:38

If there are one set of unpleasant neighbours, surely just come round and talk to you. This thing called speaking to other people in person, it's not that difficult.

Seeingadistance · 18/06/2022 17:45

It would have been polite to have let immediate neighbours know, and also to invite you along, at least to the evening reception.

AStar98 · 18/06/2022 17:51

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Bogofftosomewherehot · 18/06/2022 17:58

You're so far away from their field that you only noticed as you went for a walk that way.

You don't actually know how many people will attend - you're just guessing.
Guests will walk past your house - god forbid!!

It's one night, I wouldn't get my knickers in a twist about this.

LouisCatorze · 18/06/2022 18:09

There are a lot of threads on MN today that are entirely 'me-centric'.

Tolerance is a thing that should be encouraged! One day OP it may be you not wanting necessarily to tell your neighbours your business, for an evening of revelry.

Even some state sponsored events (Jubilee celebrations, New Year's Day/Eve fireworks) could be considered anti-social. Do they still take place? Yes. Are they generally more enjoyable than trouble? Yes.

TankFlyBossW4lk · 18/06/2022 18:11

Frankly, it would have been nice but the fact that you have posted on an internet forum about this, suggests that you are likely to get overly exercised about it. That is probably why they didn't let you or anyone else know.

Just don't worry about it. It's one night. People study for exams in all sorts of arduous conditions. I can't feel sorry for you, sorry.

Bogofftosomewherehot · 18/06/2022 18:13

"It would have been polite to have let immediate neighbours know, and also to invite you along, at least to the evening reception."

Why should they be invited to the evening reception? If they're friends - maybe, otherwise, heck no!

vera99 · 18/06/2022 18:44

Every time I stay in the country I find dawn birdsong to be a real pain (really they always wake me up) shouting and twittering away I wish something could be done about that... 😀

Original poster
Pipsquiggle · 18/06/2022 19:09

Why should they invite me?

OP posts:
Original poster
Pipsquiggle · 18/06/2022 19:09

I don't know the DC getting married?

OP posts:
HappyDays40 · 18/06/2022 19:19

You are not near Bolton are you. I was visiting a friend and saw what I thought was a festival in a field!

Original poster
Pipsquiggle · 18/06/2022 19:19

Why on every mumsnet thread are there 2 sets of posters who
1.don't RTFT @AStar98

  1. Twist what the OP is saying to suit their own narrative @LouisCatorze

To make it crystal clear, this is an etiquette thread about informing neighbours in advance of an event which will impact on them in some way.

I hope they have an epic wedding.

FYI - Whenever we have a party we always inform neighbours in advance and tell them the music will stop - as I have said - basic manners

OP posts:
LouisCatorze · 18/06/2022 19:37

I am not twisting anything and what is my narrative?

People have very different views on what is polite, some generational, some cultural and some possibly based on whether you've spent a lot of your life living in rural or urban environments.

From my own experience, it would be more normal to invite neighbours (even if you really didn't expect them to turn up) than to issue a BTW we're holding an event which may then make them feel embarrassed not to have invited you.

Original poster
Pipsquiggle · 18/06/2022 19:37

@HappyDays40 is it between Darwen & Bolton? If so, I think I know the field in question

OP posts:
SW1amp · 18/06/2022 19:41

Seeingadistance · 18/06/2022 17:45

It would have been polite to have let immediate neighbours know, and also to invite you along, at least to the evening reception.

“How do you know the bride and groom?”

“oh we don’t. In fact we’ve never met either of them”

”oh, so why are you here?”

”well we went for a walk and could see a tent, and some people walked near our house so the parents had to invite us to be polite”

”right… I think they are about to play Come on Eileen. Enjoy dancing with absolute strangers…”

AStar98 · 18/06/2022 19:41

This reply has been withdrawn

This message has been withdrawn at the poster's request

Original poster
Pipsquiggle · 18/06/2022 19:45

LouisCatorze · 18/06/2022 19:37

I am not twisting anything and what is my narrative?

People have very different views on what is polite, some generational, some cultural and some possibly based on whether you've spent a lot of your life living in rural or urban environments.

From my own experience, it would be more normal to invite neighbours (even if you really didn't expect them to turn up) than to issue a BTW we're holding an event which may then make them feel embarrassed not to have invited you.

You seem to think I am annoyed about this wedding taking place and the noise / parking and everything else that comes along with a celebration - I really am not. I hope everyone has a great time.

I just would have appreciated some prior notice. That's it.

OP posts:
LicoricePizza · 18/06/2022 19:46

Wonder what time the lions & tigers will be coming 🦁

Original poster
Pipsquiggle · 18/06/2022 19:48

@AStar98 Am I jealous? Good question. You will need to read my previous responses to find that out.

Have a lovely life

OP posts:
lostinwoods · 18/06/2022 19:57

I think it would have been nice of them to message the immediate neighbors to let them know (I wouldn't think it's necessary to text a whole neighborhood though). But if it's just a one off and they don't have a huge party every weekend, I'd let it go.