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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think neighbours should have sent out a polite notice that there will be a wedding in their garden?

156 replies

Pipsquiggle · 18/06/2022 12:17

Just that really

They have a field, and in the last couple of days I have seen a massive circus tent marquee go up. I have only noticed it as I happened to go on a walk that way

We live on a single track lane with no parking. The only access will be walking down our lane, past our houses. I am guessing there will be 200 to 300 guests by the size of marquee.

We are in a neighbours Whatsapp group. All they needed to say was
'It's going to be a bit busy and noisy on Saturday, our DC is getting married. It should be finished around 11:30pm'

OP posts:
Delatron · 18/06/2022 14:13

It’s not going to be 200-300 people. Most weddings for marquee scale would be around 100.
I’m sure they’ve thought about parking. You don’t know they are not putting mini buses on/ have a parking field.

In an ideal world it would have been good to let the neighbours know. But weddings are stressful and may have fallen down the bottom of the to do list.

It’s one day, I’d wish them well and be quite relaxed about it.

Mummyoflittledragon · 18/06/2022 14:19

YANBU
Neighbours a few doors down had their dd’s wedding in their large garden in a big marquee a few years ago. They are Asian household so we were treated to not just one day/evening but a whole week. Didn’t bother to even let us know. People parking everywhere including on our frontages, which we own, etc. Zero consideration for us as neighbours.

Thousandthingstosay · 18/06/2022 14:22

Littlescottiedog · 18/06/2022 12:48

Why not put on the WhatsApp group that you've seen the marquee going up and as they're having an event what is the parking situation and what time will it finish? Don't sit and stew, wanting to know more and having the means to find out but not actually saying anything!

Good advice

worraliberty · 18/06/2022 14:22

Top tip - threads are not pointless if at least a couple of people are geting something out of them. Pointing out that you think a thread is pointless when it isn't... that is pointless.

Don't be silly.

The OP's problem isn't supposed to be other people's entertainment. She's obviously concerned about what she thinks might be a wedding, what she thinks might cause issues with the amount of guests she thinks there might be and how late it might go on until.

The Whatsapp group that includes the person/people who can clarify all of that, is definitely her best bet.

Mycatsgoldtooth · 18/06/2022 14:22

It’s one day of your life. Get a grip.

WiseRobin · 18/06/2022 14:24

YANBU - it would have been the polite, neighbourly thing to do, even easier for them to do it via the WhatsApp group!

MolkosTeenageAngst · 18/06/2022 14:35

It may have been nice but I don’t believe they are under any obligation to do so and there may be reasons they didn’t want to tell their neighbours. As long as it is a private party and they’re not hiring out their garden as part of a business and as long as the noise isn’t at an antisocial volume/ hour of night they are within their rights to have a private gathering on their land.

vera99 · 18/06/2022 14:43

They could be Buddhists who are car sharing for a meditation weekend - you would hardly know they were there apart from the occasional whispered Ommm wafting on the breeze.

Batshittery · 18/06/2022 14:44

Why will the guests have to walk past your house? Surely there is other access or how did they get the marquee into the field?
Better just to wait it out. If I had my own field I don't think I would feel obliged to tell others. A garden - probably

Original poster
Pipsquiggle · 18/06/2022 14:45

StoppinBy · 18/06/2022 12:28

I think you are jumping the gun a bit by guestimating the amount of guests. That's a huge amount of guests and I personally have never been to a wedding with even close to that many people.

If you can only see the marquee as you walk past it and not from your house and you say it is a very large marquee, surely it's a fair way from your house?

Sure it might be polite to let you know but I don't think they've done anything wrong by not letting you know. It's only one night.

@StoppinBy

It's honestly huge. When I was going to loads of weddings, I went to a fair few in marquees - big white square ones. My friends had around 150 to 200 guests.

This marquee is more like a circus tent - it's at least 50% bigger, maybe even twice as big

OP posts:
vera99 · 18/06/2022 14:47

You don't live in Pilton by any chance .....😂

crimsonlake · 18/06/2022 14:48

You're not in North Wales are you?

Jarstastic · 18/06/2022 14:50

oops I was planning a circus party for DC in our field which involves a big marquee. It’s only for his class for 3 hours.

Didn’t occur to me to tell neighbours. I don’t think it would impact them much. And one set didn’t say when they had a marquee for a 70th birthday party which went from midday till 1am. We were just glad they were having a good time. It’s only one day.

LetitiaLeghorn · 18/06/2022 14:54

It's always nice to be warned but ultimately if they'd told you, what difference would it have made? The marquee has already told you that it's going to be a bit noisy.

FixItUpChappie · 18/06/2022 15:01

It's on their private property and it's really no one else's business. Why on earth are some people encouraging the OP to be a curtain twitching busybody? If there is some noise oh well - that's life in a neighbourhood....it's one day for pity sake.

SpinningRoundRightRound · 18/06/2022 15:14

FixItUpChappie · 18/06/2022 15:01

It's on their private property and it's really no one else's business. Why on earth are some people encouraging the OP to be a curtain twitching busybody? If there is some noise oh well - that's life in a neighbourhood....it's one day for pity sake.

OK fair enough but what if one of the neighbours is also having a noisy BBQ during the speeches? A teenagers' party with amplified music? Drilling going on? A Tesco delivery?

Or if someone parks their van across the lane so it's really hard for the guests to get past easily in their posh frocks?

There needs to be a bit of give and take and communication really, I'd have thought. It doesn't take much.

lightand · 18/06/2022 15:16

Same thing happened to us.
First we knew of it was boom boom music.
But figured that at best, it would go on all night. It didnt thankfully.
But a heads up would have been a. polite, and quite frankly, b. I would have gone and stayed elsewhere for the night.

lightand · 18/06/2022 15:17

FixItUpChappie · 18/06/2022 15:01

It's on their private property and it's really no one else's business. Why on earth are some people encouraging the OP to be a curtain twitching busybody? If there is some noise oh well - that's life in a neighbourhood....it's one day for pity sake.

Oh but it is someone else's business.
You make it so.

Original poster
Pipsquiggle · 18/06/2022 15:21

I know it's a wedding as the immediate next door neighbour - the marquee is virtually in their garden - told me. She has covid so I was asking if they needed anything.

I think it would have been good to tell neighbours for the noise and late night element - then they could make plans if they needed to. It's exam season which we're in the middle of and my covid next door neighbours have a small baby. I think they were planning to go elsewhere for the night but obviously can't now.

I don't know how many people are attending - just guestimated by the size of marquee so could have easily exaggerated the numbers.

The noise will probably be heard by the whole village - we live in a really weird place where you can hear music over a mile away. Very flat place with not a lot of trees.

I am very glad they are having the wedding today, the weather was so hot yesterday. It's cooler and overcast so perfect for a marquee

OP posts:
BruceAndNosh · 18/06/2022 15:24

Maybe the neighbours are training for a circus high wire and trapeze act?
Or have taken up lion training as a hobby

LouisCatorze · 18/06/2022 15:34

I think you're being extremely precious OP and therefore unreasonable. You clearly live in a quiet rural setting where the status quo never varies. It sounds like a classic case of NIMBYism.

I don't think babies and school aged DC needing to sleep can really be a justifiable reason for getting annoyed at a one-off weekend (it would have been so much worse on a weekday or a Sunday than tonight) party which is essentially what it is. There is time for a lie-in and catching up on lost sleep tomorrow.

Ophanim · 18/06/2022 15:34

LOL at the poster worrying about where people will sleep afterwards and if portaloos have been organised.

Notjustabrunette · 18/06/2022 15:34

I had neighbors who had a live band and about 60 guests at a party a few years ago, it was really loud like my windows vibrating. Music finished at 11. I was seriously pissed off with them for not having the curtesy for letting us know what was going on and when would end etc. I actually get on really well then now, but I think a polite note would have been a good idea .

longtompot · 18/06/2022 15:36

vera99 · 18/06/2022 14:47

You don't live in Pilton by any chance .....😂

Haha!

I would do as a previous poster said and post a message on the WhatsApp group chat asking about it.

worraliberty · 18/06/2022 15:41

But hearing the music for one night is surely something people will just get over? I mean, I doubt it's going to be ear splitting.

How do these people cope with being able to hear distant NYE parties and fireworks?