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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To think neighbours should have sent out a polite notice that there will be a wedding in their garden?

156 replies

Pipsquiggle · 18/06/2022 12:17

Just that really

They have a field, and in the last couple of days I have seen a massive circus tent marquee go up. I have only noticed it as I happened to go on a walk that way

We live on a single track lane with no parking. The only access will be walking down our lane, past our houses. I am guessing there will be 200 to 300 guests by the size of marquee.

We are in a neighbours Whatsapp group. All they needed to say was
'It's going to be a bit busy and noisy on Saturday, our DC is getting married. It should be finished around 11:30pm'

OP posts:
PutinIsAWarCriminal · 18/06/2022 13:11

I think you are assuming the worst. As others said, they could have arranged a park and ride for guests, there could be parking in a field. Living rurally I've been to lots of large parties in fields over the years, it was the norm at one time.

SirChenjins · 18/06/2022 13:13

Yes, it would have been helpful if they’d told you all - it’s a neighbourly thing to do

PortalooSunset · 18/06/2022 13:15

Is there no other access to the field?
I agree it would have been polite, but if they're organising a big event they've probably got a lot on and it could be it's turned into one of those anybody/somebody/nobody things where it's assumed to have been done? Being magnanimous here..

To think neighbours should have sent out a polite notice that there will be a wedding in their garden?
pushingpoppies · 18/06/2022 13:18

Surely you've got some logs to chainsaw that day? ;-) (obviously joking)

Hawkins001 · 18/06/2022 13:23

I can understand your perspectives and expectations op, but as some posters said, it may be more of a pickle,

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 18/06/2022 13:28

Are you sure it's a massive circus tent marquee?

Could it have been a child's wigwam but you were very close?

()

SquirrelSoShiny · 18/06/2022 13:30

Would have been polite to mention but they probably couldn't be arsed listening to people complaining.

MrsTerryPratchett · 18/06/2022 13:35

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 18/06/2022 13:28

Are you sure it's a massive circus tent marquee?

Could it have been a child's wigwam but you were very close?

()

I love small......... far away. Makes me laugh every time. And of course the creator is a MNer, which is cool.

SlatsandFlaps · 18/06/2022 13:35

I'm pretty sure there's a rule that prevents massive events with more than 100? people such as you're expecting, taking place in residential areas. Call 101!

MmeHennyPenny · 18/06/2022 13:36

Re the chain saw comment:-
We went to a very stylish wedding. It was in a garden in a type of upmarket marquee which had 3 sides which opened fully to give amazing views of the surrounding countryside. The hosts obviously had some sort of issues with their farmer neighbours as the farmer had a team out with chain saws on the day of the wedding and he also lit a huge and very smoky bonfire during the ceremony. It was rather hard to concentrate through the ceremony with the smoke and the chainsaws. When it was time to leave the farmer had blocked the access with his tractor!

PragmaticWench · 18/06/2022 13:40

Our neighbour gave us a heads up about their child's wedding in their garden and very kindly invited us to join them.

Another neighbour was less generous when they told us their child would be having an overnight party for their 16th birthday...and the parents would be going to stay elsewhere 'as there would be no chance for anyone to get any sleep!'. Well no, not for us either as we had to spend the entire night listening to music, screaming teenagers and deal with our baby not being able to sleep either. Wish we'd had more than a few hours notice so we could piss off elsewhere as well! 😡

user1471517095 · 18/06/2022 13:44

Good grief, I can't blame them for not messaging judging by some of these responses. It's not even started yet and people already know it will be causing a nuisance. And as for phoning 101 or starting some noisy activities to be annoying.

NoSquirrels · 18/06/2022 13:45

The only access will be walking down our lane, past our houses. I am guessing there will be 200 to 300 guests by the size of marquee.

Even if there are 200-300 people - which would be a massive wedding, really out of the norm - then if they’ll only be walking past your house I wouldn’t worry about it. It’s one weekend and unless you had also planned a garden party that would be affected, I think you’d be unreasonable to object.

LookItsMeAgain · 18/06/2022 13:46

Just wondering - if they are having the numbers of guests that you think, don't they need to have extra loos and do something about logistics? If the only access is by a single laneway, they should have to put together a traffic management plan, surely??? It's not like having 5 or 6 friends over for a few drinks. I might be wrong here but I'd think just purely from a practical point of view, that some or all of the above would have to be done. I mean if the wedding is in a field, where are the guests going to park? How are the guests going to get there? How are they going to leave? Where are they going to sleep?

SquigglePigs · 18/06/2022 13:48

ComDummings · 18/06/2022 13:00

I agree ^

Show quote history

On the contrary - knowing in advance gives you the opportunity to make sure you are somewhere else for the day/night if you want to. We always get advance notice of works on the railway behind our house over night for similar reasons (or more simply I can choose to sleep in ear plugs that night and/or keep the windows closed!).

underneaththeash · 18/06/2022 13:48

We set up a road what's ap after one mid-June weekend several years ago when 3 of our neighbours had massive parties on the same evening (a wedding, a bar mitzvah, a fiftyieth). Two of the houses were opposite to each other, parking was a nightmare, nothing could get in or out and another neighbour missed her flight.
All 4 families fell out with each other.......when all it needed was a bit of forward planning!

cannibalvalley · 18/06/2022 13:48

I think letting immediate neighbours know is reasonable and they may have done that. I wouldn't let people know that had to walk past my house to see a massive marquee.

NoSquirrels · 18/06/2022 13:50

LookItsMeAgain · 18/06/2022 13:46

Just wondering - if they are having the numbers of guests that you think, don't they need to have extra loos and do something about logistics? If the only access is by a single laneway, they should have to put together a traffic management plan, surely??? It's not like having 5 or 6 friends over for a few drinks. I might be wrong here but I'd think just purely from a practical point of view, that some or all of the above would have to be done. I mean if the wedding is in a field, where are the guests going to park? How are the guests going to get there? How are they going to leave? Where are they going to sleep?

Why would you think they hadn’t done all of that?

worraliberty · 18/06/2022 13:52

This thread is pretty pointless really because despite having a really simple way to ask the person or other neighbours, about guests/parking/times etc, she's chosen to post here instead.

GCRich · 18/06/2022 13:54

Pipsquiggle · 18/06/2022 12:17

Just that really

They have a field, and in the last couple of days I have seen a massive circus tent marquee go up. I have only noticed it as I happened to go on a walk that way

We live on a single track lane with no parking. The only access will be walking down our lane, past our houses. I am guessing there will be 200 to 300 guests by the size of marquee.

We are in a neighbours Whatsapp group. All they needed to say was
'It's going to be a bit busy and noisy on Saturday, our DC is getting married. It should be finished around 11:30pm'

It depends. I take it that they are the kind of people who wouldnt expect you to tell them that you have hired an almighty pa and are planning on a 10 hour hardcore techno session on the same day - which you can cancel for a fee if it's spoiling their daughter's wedding!

GCRich · 18/06/2022 13:55

worraliberty · 18/06/2022 13:52

This thread is pretty pointless really because despite having a really simple way to ask the person or other neighbours, about guests/parking/times etc, she's chosen to post here instead.

Top tip - threads are not pointless if at least a couple of people are geting something out of them. Pointing out that you think a thread is pointless when it isn't... that is pointless.

LookItsMeAgain · 18/06/2022 13:55

@NoSquirrels - I don't think they haven't, just that you can't magic in a set of portaloos or yurts for the guests to stay in, into a field that has a single laneway access. Also if there is a traffic management plan, isn't the responsiblity of one of the parties to that agreement to publish that for impacted residents to review it. The OP doesn't mention any of that sort of thing in their post is all.

MrsLargeEmbodied · 18/06/2022 13:59

i am surprised they didnt share the exciting news of a wedding tbh!

NotMyCircusNotMyCircus · 18/06/2022 14:07

I work in the wedding sector. A 200-300 person wedding would be very unusual - the vast majority of the ones I do are 80-120 guests, with the exception being Asian weddings which are much larger

Aquamarine1029 · 18/06/2022 14:10

If it is a wedding, it will be over within a day. Nothing to get riled up over.

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