Aibu to serve a buffet at our wedding

[MimosasInFrance]

My partner and I are planning a wedding for this December, this is of course quite a fast turnaround (due to family illness) but we've been lucky to get a venue, DJ and photographer booked with relative ease so it is all going ahead!

We've opted for a hot buffet for the meal - likely a Christmas carvery type situation (a nice one!) because we felt that was a bit more relaxed and also, honestly, it was cheaper. I also thought people who have particular food habits (like members of my family!) might find it less stressful than a three-course sit down affair. We're serving plenty of wine and soft drinks etc. It's a twilight wedding so I don't think anyone should be going hungry.

I've just had a reaction from a family member who seems to think this is akin to serving beans on toast, and it's thrown me into a panic. Will everyone hate this and think we're being stingy?

I'm trying not to get sucked into everyone's expectations as I know that's how costs get out of hand.

Aibu to serve a buffet?

Yeah no one ever went to a wedding and when asked if they enjoyed the food said "No, it was shit, there wasnt enough of it and all the greedy bastards on the first two tables scoffed the lot so there was nothing left for the rest of us" did they?

No, they gush about how lovely it was and how full they are so as not to upset the B&G whilst covertly googling the location of the nearest McDonalds!

No, they gush about how lovely it was and how full they are so as not to upset the B&G whilst covertly googling the location of the nearest McDonalds

I recall a thread on bad weddings and a poster saying people were ordering pizzas to the venue, the mother of the groom came over and started rebuking those that were doing it but they said they were starving and there was no food. Must have being embarrassing. I wouldn't take food into the venue though, I'd try and eat it discreetly outside or somewhere.

Once I was at wedding in the middle of nowhere and if course the buffet ran out of food before they got to our table. One of the guests who wasn’t drinking was dispatched to the nearest petrol station for snacks. We all took it in turns to go and sit in his car in the car park and eat.

I was just about passing out with hunger as I was 4 months pregnant and all Id had to eat all day was shredded lettuce and rice ( standard gluten free wedding food ) .

As long as there's sufficient food, how it is served doesn't matter. I had a buffet which I catered myself (mostly, the fishmonger arranged the cooking of the whole salmon and shellfish platters and dad picked them up, we ordered bread too) yes I was chopped crudités

Once I was at wedding in the middle of nowhere and if course the buffet ran out of food before they got to our table. One of the guests who wasn’t drinking was dispatched to the nearest petrol station for snacks. We all took it in turns to go and sit in his car in the car park and eat

What type of food was it as in most service stations the only really available food is chocolate,bread, cereal, crisps and biscuits etc;nothing there to sustain you for a day unless there was a subway in the service station.

YY it was junk food, but we were all starving, it was better than nothing .

The only things I could eat from the service station were chocolate and (some flavours of some brands of ) crisps. But that was welcome after a dinner of shredded lettuce, especially when you are at that ravenous stage of pregnancy.

That’s mostly what I remember about that wedding - that and the interminable and inappropriate speeches.

The bride is probably on this thread now, posting how delicious the food was at her wedding

I think a buffet is ok so long as there is PLENTY of food. I've been on the last table to be served (friends and odds and sods) and the food was on the scanty side . . .

Buffet always screams doing it on the cheap to me..I would rather a burger van outside and buy my own than a buffet. Hate the queuing, the standing there with your plate like Oliver Twist.

Whats wrong with "doing it on the cheap"? Not everyone wants to remortgage for a party with a posh frock.

Yes the buffet is usually cheaper but the issue is that often the caterers are the ones doing it on the cheap. They insist that you only need to cater for 75% of the guests when, ime as a hospitality manager, 125% would be closer to the mark. The B&G trust the caterers as professionals, half the guests are hungry, the B&G have no idea that they have been ripped off and the caterers are rubbing their hands together.

I personally prefer a buffet to having a meal put in front of me that I may not like or want but the key thing is the B&G making sure that there is enough food. Often their wedding is the first big party that most people organise so they trust the professionals so thats where you get "Oh yes, it was the best food we have ever had!" v "Fuck me I am starving, is there a chippy nearby?"

You pay cheap, you get cheap. I agree nobody tells the B&G that their food was shit. There are so many couples wandering round thinking they put on the best spread ever while people are in the car car park stuffing their faces from nearby takeaways.
I suppose everyone is different but queuing up with my plate waiting for food is not my idea of fun. Give me a sit down meal every time. Not a Sunday afternoon down the local pub carvery effort.

I thought the cater for 75% would only be evening buffet after most guests have had a sit down main course. Not for a main daytime buffet when everyone needs feeding.

I actually prefer buffets, that way I can pick and chose what I like to eat because there’s a variety . I usually end up dissatisfied with plated meals.

That kind of defeats the object of a social occasion. The wedding breakfast is a main part of any wedding. All sounds v perfunctory to me and I agree with the PP who said that those that decide to cut corners delude themselves that a buffet or carvery will be well received by guests. Most guests, who have often spent a good deal of money attending a wedding, expect to be waited on and served hot food at the same time as the other guests, while seated and chatting to the other guests, not waiting in line for who knows how long.

I’m sorry, OP, but expecting your guests to queue for a carvery all sounds a bit too ‘school dinners’ to me.

Don't give any fucks to what people think, life is so much easier then , hope you have a lovely wedding.

For some people the meal is the least enjoyable part of the wedding.

I wouldn’t normally sit down and eat a 3 course meal at 3pm in the afternoon, and would actually much prefer a more informal setting where I can chat to guests in line, and again at the table, while eating what I choose.

You don’t have to spend a lot of money to attend a wedding, and you are owed nothing for doing so.

OP. It is your wedding and there is nothing wrong with a buffet in my opinion. What people are describing is poor service and under catering. This can happen with a buffet or silver service. I have been hungry at more silver service weddings with tiny portions than buffets.

Our caterer told us they needed to cater for 125% for a buffet, to make sure there was choice for everyone. They said they needed 2 serving stations to make sure no one waited very long to be served. They hid the vegetarian and vegan options and gave it to people on request. They served everything, so it was hygienic ect, no one serving themselves. They had loads of choice of sides for people and there was lots spare as people went up for seconds and then they packed up tonnes of leftovers for us too. I liked that our guests had a choice of the food they ate and their portion size. I felt a bit guilty about the leftovers as we didn't manage to get through them, as we had catered for people staying over already.

Yes it was not as formal as a silver service wedding, but we didn't want it to be. We just wanted there to be lots of good quality food in a slightly informal setting. It depends what you want. Maybe some people thought we were doing it on the cheap, but so what, I have always preferred a buffet and it was my wedding. Also it wasn't cheap, it was very slightly less than the silver service option, but with more food and choice for our guests.

For a hot buffet in my opinion you need a decent caterer who preferably knows the venue, so will know what will work there. Personally I think you need a table plan still, otherwise some people may be forced to sit with people they don't know due to a lack of space (unless you are having a very informal picnic where people can sit wherever). Your caterers will probably have to over cater, but that will mean people will get seconds if they want them. You need to make sure you have extra veggie options and they are saved for the vegetarians.

We had a carvery for our wedding with a server starter and dessert of choice. It was lovely but if I get married again. Unless it was only a very small number of people I'm not sure I would choose a carvery again

We had planned for a buffet for our May 2020 wedding

wedding for cancelled due to covid and lockdown

we moved it to May 2021

that got cancelled due to lockdown restrictions

we moved it to July 2021

but was told couldn’t have a buffet due to all adults being up at serving table so changed to a hog roast

basically I’m woffling but a buffet is fine

Whats wrong with "doing it on the cheap"? Not everyone wants to remortgage for a party with a posh frock

if you can't afford it then have a private wedding or just less guests;simple as. Wrong to do it on cheap and leave guests who turned up and spent money hungry.

*YY it was junk food, but we were all starving, it was better than nothing .

The only things I could eat from the service station were chocolate and (some flavours of some brands of ) crisps. But that was welcome after a dinner of shredded lettuce, especially when you are at that ravenous stage of pregnancy*

If you were pregnant and so presumably not drinking you should have driven to a chip shop yourself.

I’ve been to a winter wedding with carvery buffet and it was excellent. Absolutely no shortage of food and everything was very nicely cooked. There was a vegetarian Wellington for the non-meat eaters and they all said it was excellent. The staff served the meat and the Wellington for you, can’t remember how it worked with sides. Then they did a help-yourself dessert buffet afterwards.

I also went to a wedding in France where they had a huge buffet of cold meat, shellfish, terrines, salads etc to start followed by a hot buffet of various dishes afterwards and I have to say it was probably the best wedding food I’ve ever had in my life.

We got married at 4pm and only served a cold buffet, it's all we could afford. We didn't have drinks to toast either as it wasn't in our budget.

We still had a great wedding and so many people said it was one of their favourite weddings. It was laid back and more about socialising and dancing which is what we wanted.

Exactly. People pay a fortune to come to a wedding, travel, cash gift, new outfits etc and you throw a cold buffet at them and not even a drink to toast. Cut your cloth according to your measure. These are always the people that insist their wedding was the best.....it's wasn't but nobody is going to tell you that. If you cannot afford it, have a smaller wedding and at least feed your guests properly.

I recall being at a wedding, we arrived at hotel and there wasn't much food being served and I was starving. In the evening there was a 3 course meal which was lovely but by the time it arrived I was so hungry that I felt ill. I ate loads at the meal but the sickness wouldn't pass and I felt ill for the rest of the day. I think to do a good wedding just making sure there aren't long intervals with no food is so important. It's easy to get a drink after all if the bars there but food is key.

I recall being at a wedding, we arrived at hotel and there wasn't much food being served and I was starving

By that I mean there wasn't much food served to guests at arrival which I think is very important as it can be a long stretch until dinner is served. At another wedding the food served was in abdunance upon arrival and it madfe such a difference as I wasn't famished by the time the evening meal was served.

I think a good piece of advise is to carry a few chocolate bars with you or have a stash somewhere close.