Aibu to serve a buffet at our wedding

[MimosasInFrance]

My partner and I are planning a wedding for this December, this is of course quite a fast turnaround (due to family illness) but we've been lucky to get a venue, DJ and photographer booked with relative ease so it is all going ahead!

We've opted for a hot buffet for the meal - likely a Christmas carvery type situation (a nice one!) because we felt that was a bit more relaxed and also, honestly, it was cheaper. I also thought people who have particular food habits (like members of my family!) might find it less stressful than a three-course sit down affair. We're serving plenty of wine and soft drinks etc. It's a twilight wedding so I don't think anyone should be going hungry.

I've just had a reaction from a family member who seems to think this is akin to serving beans on toast, and it's thrown me into a panic. Will everyone hate this and think we're being stingy?

I'm trying not to get sucked into everyone's expectations as I know that's how costs get out of hand.

Aibu to serve a buffet?

Surely the point is most people don't get what they want? The last few tables just get whatever is left over? (If anything)
A seated meal everyone gets exactly what they picked.

Does anyone actually feel relaxed at a buffet event when they know they are towards the end of the line and worry they won't get any food? And then have to pretend to the bride and groom what a lovely time they are having!

Our hot buffet was served by staff so no issues with running out. In the end there was enough that some people went up for thirds.

I'm doing a buffet as it's far more informal and relaxed. Go for it.

Was at a wedding recently where there was a hot buffet served by staff and it was great for those at the front of the queue who got round 2 before we'd eaten but by the time it got fairly near the end the food looked like slop and they were scraping the dry edges of the lasagne onto your plate just to give you something. It threw me back to school dinner days, and I wouldn't be that keen to go back to a wedding like that again.

I think it depends on the size of your wedding as to whether it’ll work. For smaller weddings I think it’s fine, but if it’s a larger wedding it’ll take forever for each table to go up. The first table will be long finished before the last even get any food (if there is any left!). I’ve been a weddings where each table goes up in turn and if I’m honest it’s not great unless you are on the first few tables. Plus it makes the meal a bit disjointed as no one is eating at the same time.

Buffets are brilliant, but as PPs have said, if you have guests with particular dietary restrictions or requirements (gluten-free / vegetarian / vegan etc), please consider some kind of system for them, such as a separate serving area.

It's a real bummer going to a nice event and then discovering there's nothing left for me to eat, because the omnis have hoovered it all up.

Please do check how they deal with any dietary requirements. I'm vegetarian and remember a wedding buffet I went to. The veggie option looked really good. But they were dishing it out to everyone who said oh can I try some of that too. It ran out before my table was asked to go up and all I could eat was a plate of salad.

They are being ridiculous. I've been to several weddings where it was "casual dining" and we really enjoyed it. The last one we went to put platters/bowls of hot food on each table and we helped ourselves, it was great!

Platters and bowls of hot food on each table is vastly different from a buffet.
Maybe that's the way to go so that everyone gets fed.

But that works much better. Between 8 of you you can sort out easily who had what and it's obvious if someone gets nothing and one person taking 3.

With a buffet I'd often have veggie options as I am not a huge meat eater. But I do eat meat so does that mean I can't have any veggie stuff? (Which really means anyone with special meals needs them pre-plated anyway to avoid issues)

Of course you are not being unreasonable. The family member is a snob. I’ve been to a wedding where they served a cold Buffett and one with a hog roast. Sounds wonderful - have a great day

I love this idea

Can any caterers explain why I keep hearing reports of vegetarians going hungry at buffets because omnivores have eaten veg food? I do eat meat, but a party, I wouldn't want a plate of meat only. This seems so fundamental, I don't understand why caterers keep getting it wrong

@notanothertakeaway because the caterers will be told there are 8 vegetarians or whatever and provide food accordingly. Unless the whole buffet is veggie then it’s obviously selfish to take veggie food if you eat meat 😑 not sure why so many people seem to think this is fine. Would you also take a gluten free cake because you fancied the look of it? If you want the veggie food then sign up as veggie. Alternatively people could not do buffets and serve people plated food to stop greedy entitled people taking all the special diet food because they think they like the look of it and are too stupid to work out that a vegetarian can’t eat the meat so, no, they can’t have the veggie option as well as their massive plate of meat! Hope that clears things up for you 🙄

Plates on each table doesn't always work perfectly either. I remember my parents went to an event where the starter was a shared charcuterie board for each table. One guy put a good three quarters of the board on his plate which left very little for the rest. I really would rather have a plate in front of me where you can eat what you want off it, where I don't have to worry about whether other people will eat more than was catered for, or if I will eat more than was catered for.

Why would you think for food people who eat meat would be nothing but meat?

@Simonjt yes this is also a good point - presumably most buffets will have mains which are meat / vegetarian and then sides. So the issue is with meat eaters who have not registered any dietary requirements taking the vegetarian main because they like the look of it, leaving (as many many PPs have experienced) the actual vegetarians with bread/salad. The pure selfishness of it is astounding.

@Gensola it's hardly greedy and entitled to serve yourself or ask for a portion of a delicious looking vegetarian salad if it's on offer. I'm an omnivore who likes to get at least 5 portions of fruit and veg per day.

A good caterer would either keep some by specifically for vegetarians low in the queue pecking order and/or assume that other people will eat it to so recommend many more portions than vegetarians.

I suspect the main issue with buffets is when they are being planned, the caterers and couple assume people will have 2/3 servings of main item e.g. chicken skewers or halloumi ones, then fill up with cheaper items such as green salad and carb options. However given carte blanche people don't fill up like that on their plate and will take the opportunity to try new things.

Maybe a buffet but with very little choice on items might be the way to go. Then the variety issue doesn't cause people at the front to overload.

Or vegan items for the veggies. Love veggie food, hate the mere idea of vegan cheese or salad dressing.

We did a BBQ/salads buffet, all cooked fresh by the chef. People loved the food, it's one of the things people still say about our wedding 5 years on.

The lack of table service was perhaps a little disruptive but people didn't seem to mind too much.

Main thing with a buffet is make sure there's plenty of food. No one wants to be the last table and there not be enough!

I’m veggie and don’t agree that it’s selfish to take veg just because you eat meat. The fault lies with the caterers, or the choice to have a buffet when it just doesn’t work to keep costs down.

If there isn’t enough veggie food for everyone who might want some, then they haven’t catered well enough. If only vegetarians are going to be offered a certain part of the meal, then that should be kept separate. I’m not sure how that would work either though if everyone else is queuing up at a food station and the veggie is supposed to wait at the table alone, or disrupt the queue while the veggie food is found.

Hot buffets just don’t work well for weddings.

@rookiemere we will have to disagree there - if you haven’t signed up as a veggie then taking food that is intended for those people is greedy and entitled in my opinion, because they might be left with nothing. Why should a vegetarian who also might like cheese be restricted to vegan food just so you can have the veggie option?! If you like veggie food so much then sign up as a veggie!

@Gensola then they should put a sign up at the non meat options to say that they are for vegetarians only.

It's perfectly normal for a buffet to have a mixture of meat and non-meat options. There should be a way for both of us to enjoy a balanced meal.

At a sit down dinner, I wouldn't dream of asking for a veg dish on the day, without prior request

But, at a party buffet, I might like a bit of quiche, alongside my sausage rolls

Whether or not it's selfish for an omnivore to have a veg dish at a party, the fact is that it clearly happens, and keeps happening

So, why don't caterers take that into account and have more veg party food, instead of assuming omnivores will like up a plate with meat only?

I went to a wedding last year where the piggies who went up first then went up again before some had even been served. Greedy pigs…. Why do people do this to get their ‘share’.

It seems to me that it would be a good idea to serve the vegetarians/vegans first - a bit like they do with food on a plane. They have a system on some planes where there's a marker on your seat, so they know who to serve first.

Then the rest of the guests can be called up a table at a time. (Obviously anyone with mobility issues or specific allergies should be served differently, at their table/seat and/or with ready-plated food.

But this would have to involve the staff too - and I suspect a lot of the issues being described here are (in part) because the venue hasn't got enough - or enough experienced - staff to control the buffet properly.