Aibu to serve a buffet at our wedding

[MimosasInFrance]

My partner and I are planning a wedding for this December, this is of course quite a fast turnaround (due to family illness) but we've been lucky to get a venue, DJ and photographer booked with relative ease so it is all going ahead!

We've opted for a hot buffet for the meal - likely a Christmas carvery type situation (a nice one!) because we felt that was a bit more relaxed and also, honestly, it was cheaper. I also thought people who have particular food habits (like members of my family!) might find it less stressful than a three-course sit down affair. We're serving plenty of wine and soft drinks etc. It's a twilight wedding so I don't think anyone should be going hungry.

I've just had a reaction from a family member who seems to think this is akin to serving beans on toast, and it's thrown me into a panic. Will everyone hate this and think we're being stingy?

I'm trying not to get sucked into everyone's expectations as I know that's how costs get out of hand.

Aibu to serve a buffet?

This!⬆️ If people are rude enough to complain then they can jog on & not bloody attend!!
It sounds perfect & it's all about what YOU want anyway - sod everyone else!! 🤣

But surely then someone says "oi Bob we all need to share that"

Great idea, obviously as Iong as it’s well organised.

There's a huge difference between not really liking the meal and not having enough calories to get you through the day. On Maslow's hierarchy of needs food and shelter are on the bottom, fundamental rung.

When I was invited to a lot of weddings in my 20s and 30s, I'd bring along chocolate and nuts in my clutch bag to mop up the alcohol in the usually too long period between the ceremony and the wedding breakfast.

If the wedding breakfast subsequently turned out to be a buffet with scrapings for those at the back of the queue, I'd likely pass out or be paralytically drunk. Goodness knows what elderly people would be like.

We wanted a different style of meal for our wedding, but quickly realised that a 3 course option with a chicken or vegetarian main was the common denominator to make sure everyone was fed and watered.

A buffet is fine as long as your last guest has as much choice and enough to eat as your first one. If you can't guarantee that or something close, then don't do it.

I went to a sit down wedding meal the other weekend and it was awful, and not enough food after hours of hanging about.

two things are not too much hanging around in between, and plenty food, which should be possible with a buffet. I did one at my wedding and it was great.

I did one at my wedding and it was great

To all the people saying this;yes it was great for you as being the wedding party you got 1st servings. It is those at the end there was no food left for and nobody is going to complain directly to you on your wedding day about it.

My colleague got married in his garden, it was a large buffet. I wasn't there but a friend made the same complaint ''by the time we got there all the food was gone and we were starving.'' The house was miles from anywhere so not like you could slip off easily for food.

But it's a bad stain to leave on your wedding as then I heard another friend saying ''bride/groom did it on the cheap as there was no food left...'' I think if you have a buffet do it properly and ensure this common problem doesn't happen. I am no expert in catering/hosting so cannot answer on this but maybe somebody her can?

But that's awkward to do, especially if you don't someone that well or at all. Small talk about if you know the bride or groom, isn't the dress lovely followed by directly calling someone out for being greedy and inconsiderate. I'd roll my eyes, move on, then tell the bride and groom the food was lovely.

Bollocks to them, OP. People spend stupid amounts on weddings, so well done you in any case. . They don't have to come, if it troubles them. We had a buffet at home and spent £500, including a dress 😄

My colleague got married in his garden, it was a large buffet. I wasn't there but a friend made the same complaint ''by the time we got there all the food was gone and we were starving.'' The house was miles from anywhere so not like you could slip off easily for food.

We we’re advised not to put all the food out at once and hire a couple of staff to replenish the buffet at intervals. They also collected dirty plates and glasses etc.

It seemed to work.

It seems to me that it would be a good idea to serve the vegetarians/vegans first - a bit like they do with food on a plane. They have a system on some planes where there's a marker on your seat, so they know who to serve first.

But then the veggies/vegans have to sit and eat alone while everyone else on their table was waiting for their turn at the buffet and then sit there like a lemon while everyone else was queuing at the buffet table.

People need to be properly relaxed and informal and have a cold buffet that guests can help themselves to when they want, or do formal properly and pay for a sit down meal.

People trying to convince themselves that a hot buffet at a big wedding is relaxed and informal in a nice way are kidding themselves. There will always be a last table, and that is never enjoyable. It would be rude of them to complain so they don’t, but that doesn’t mean they enjoyed the ‘free’ meal that they really paid for in gifts and normal guest expenses.

We had a hot buffet at our relaxed reception and it was absolutely lovely (and appreciated by some guests that they could go back for seconds!) Just make sure you get the right caterers

Just mind out if they try to do something poncy. At our wedding breakfast we had a carvery, but the hotel had wrapped the jacket potatoes up in foil to look like swans. My old nanny tried to take hers home with her as a souvenir 🤢

But then the veggies/vegans have to sit and eat alone while everyone else on their table was waiting for their turn at the buffet and then sit there like a lemon while everyone else was queuing at the buffet table

Surely people don't mind starting their meal before others? Especially if it's a choice between being fed or not!

It’s not the end of the world, but eating is a social thing. It feels awkward while the rest of your table have are queuing you’ve been sitting eating alone, then have finished by the time they’re back. Better than having nothing to eat, but not a great experience.

You can always ask the family member if they want to pay. I live in the US and most weddings are buffet and as long as there is enough food I really don't think it is a problem.

It’s all about the caterers.

The ones we had were very strict on not under catering. They said a lot of people/companies cater for 75-80% at buffets but you rarely get 20% drop outs on the day.

We had enough food for everyone to have seconds and several of the elderly relatives were given doggy bags home as well. And there were so many baked potatoes a few people had them reheated at night 😂

But that caterer said they rely on weddings in a small area and they never want to be in the position that people can slag off their food.

If the caterer doesn’t care, or is inexperienced, then it doesn’t work so well.

Agree with @JustLyra. Not having enough food was a big concern of mine but the venue chef assured me that 'over his dead body' would that happen on his watch, and he was absolutely right, there was more than enough and plenty for everyone who wanted seconds to have them. It was a hot buffet but served by the chefs from a hot set-up so nothing went cold.

I think numbers make a difference too. We only had about 45 people on tables of 6 so service from the time that DH and I went to the buffet (first) to the last table sitting back down with their food was under 10 minutes. I can imagine a buffet might be a bit more problematic with 100 or more guests.

I have only been to one wedding with a buffet - we were on the last table up and there was virtually nothing left. I was 8 months pregnant and starving! It’s my lasting memory of that particular wedding.

Just make sure there’s enough.

My ex & I had a buffet for our reception & the food was fantastic!! Several people commented that is was the best wedding food they'd ever had (Prime Rib, killer Potatoes au Gratin, etc). We've both also catered/coordinated gawd-knows how many weddings/receptions. Buffets or stations can be a blast! Typically they are less expensive mostly because you require fewer servers. But you can still run up a big bill with higher end food, multiple stations, etc. From a caterer's standpoint, sit-down is less of a hassle because you're in control of the timing of food service/flow and less crap to drag with you to an off-site venue. A lot of people choose buffets because they feel that they're less "stuffy". BTW... pretty tacky of the relative to piss & moan about a FREE meal. Geez!

@HerpMama

But it’s not a free meal. The deal with weddings is that guests pay the following costs

new or at least smart outfits for everyone in their group
travel to and from the wedding ( often taxis )
a day or more of their precious annual leave
overnight babysitting for their kids
Overnight accommodation as required ( often at v expensive venue )
own drinks at the bar
generous gift for the couple

In return, the hosts are expected to provide

entertainment
enough suitable tasty food
at least a few alcoholic drinks for toast and with the meal

Your guests are just that - your honoured guests. Their comfort and pleasure should be top of your list. I deplore the attitude that they are unpaid extras in your personal social media performance and they should fucking well be grateful for any shit you decide to throw their way. Because they get to be part of “ your special day “.

Well here’s some news for you. Most wedding are not at all special for most guests , except for close family. They are much of a muchness to be honest and most are instantly forgettable. Same boring vicar / celebrant , hymns or cringey pop music, idetikit wedding outfits, same awful speeches and too loud crap band.

So get over yourself with your “ they should be grateful “ shit and treat your friends and family with a a bit of consideration for once. If you are old enough to marry you are old enough to stop acting like a spoilt teenager. Yes it’s your wedding but no it’s not all about me me me.

My ex & I had a buffet for our reception & the food was fantastic!! Several people commented that is was the best wedding food they'd ever had

i don't think the food quality is the issue;it's more the lack of food itself. If your wedding has the bog standard food most people will be happy, as you can see by this board it's when it runs out that pisses people off.

They don't have to come, if it troubles them. We had a buffet at home and spent £500

yes but a home buffet which I assume wasn't professionally done can easily be done under 500 quid for a pretty decent group considering you could stock up well at Iceland/Asda with that amount.

It amazes me how everyone on MN had a wedding with the best food the guests had ever eaten. People said that to me as well - we can't all be the best.

Almost like it's just something people say to the bride and groom to make them happy.

It amazes me how everyone on MN had a wedding with the best food the guests had ever eaten. People said that to me as well - we can't all be the best

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Everybody knows what bad teaching is based on the rantings of a few parents.
Everybody never loses their temper with their child and would never raise their voice at them.
Everybody trusts their teenage child after 15 so let's them do what they want which is a nice euphemism for I can't control them so I'll be their friend because discipline is too hard to enforce.
Everybody will bash a man in a story because males are our enemy.
Everybody would report something to their boss or HR that wasn't professional or golden at work.
Everybody will think those with conservative values are the devil and have no place in society.
Everybody can improve hard financial times retrain.
Everybody can easily leave their husband after 30 years together, (at the age of 60,) and start over. Many women I know have done it. Gone to uni to get a degree, retrained, and got a fabulous new career, and a wonderful new man at 64.
Everybody cooks everything from scratch...

We had a hot buffet at our wedding. It was slightly cheaper than the standard silver service option the caters offered, but they provided much more food for the money and choice for our guests. We got loads of compliments for the food (it was really delicious) and there was enough for people to have seconds if they wanted it (I have been left hungry at many a silver service wedding). We had almost 200 guests many of them children, so had two buffet serving tables. The caterers served and organised it. It was really efficient.

I was a bit worried about it before, but liked that it was informal and people would get to choose what they had. I would definitely recommend it, but use a really good caterer who knows the venue, so they can make sure it all works. Another option is family style platters on tables, but our caterers said they didn't work so well with the round tables at the venue, so we went for the buffet and it was great. It is your wedding, so do what you want.