AIBU to do the bare minimum with the kids

[Redcar87]

I work full time, have 2DC under 3, and manage all the life admin and house stuff. DH veers between entirely useless and trying his best. He works part time for MH reasons.

DS1 is a handful. He is also pretty mean to DS2. Well ignores him and tells him to go away a lot. They fight over me constantly. DS2 wakes through the night.

Anyway my questions is that I basically do the minimum to get through the days and evenings. So right now I'm watching DS1 pour expensive bird food all over the grass rather than stop him and face a tantrum. Or I let DS2 eat chocolate for breakfast because it kept him quiet for 5 mins. Days like today and its just me at home with both DC and I try to think of things to do but the thought of doing an activity with all the fighting and mess and the 2DC arguing...I'm probs just going to stick cartoons on and just wish the hours away until I can go back to bed.

Do people just get through this bit? I do love them and they're so sweet but they are relentless in wanting to break stuff, fight, cry. So for example I made them pancakes and they argued over which one they wanted to eat and all of it ended up in the bin in a tantrum. So j just gave them a cereal bar and ignored them

I'm a terrible mum maybe. Or is using screens and snacks OK? Sometimes I let DC1 get away with so much rather than face the tantrum. I've been ill this week too and I just can't find the energy

But do you confidently take out 2DC who are 1 and 3 (nearly) by yourself?

every single day, multiple times

op - I think you have built it up as a huge thing in your mind, when it isn’t.

today - nice mild weather, load them u, pack a snack - off you go. Grab yourself a takeaway coffee. Enjoy

But do you confidently take out 2DC who are 1 and 3 (nearly) by yourself?

Yes, this is a totally normal thing to do. Can imagine it must feel awful if you feel you can’t leave the house with your children especially with a partner like yours. What would help you manage 2? Baby in a sling or buggy so you have hands free?

Feeling you can’t leave the house with your kids is very unusual, op, and must be making you feel really trapped. Definitely one to work on and maybe talk to HV or GP about how you’re feeling. If you’re working from home all the time and feel you can’t get out with your LOs, when do you go out or are you in all the time? It’s not great for your MH.

Agree with PP that it might also be worth a chat with Women’s Aid about it all. They are really helpful and won’t pressure you to anything you don’t want 🤗

A lot of people very quick to say 'leave this man' as if it's not a big deal to break up with the father of your children, who, I assume you still love? You havent said otherwise.

I know it's easier said than done. It's just what I think the OP needs to do as a long-term goal.

OP, the more you post about your H, the worst it is. He is an utter man-child who won't step up when he has you to run yourself ragged for him.

I'd recommend speaking to a solicitor.

Haven't RTFT. Nothing wrong with the odd day like this but if that's the norm then maybe a good idea to build in a bit more structure. Do you have any baby and toddler groups locally?