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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To want to say the biggest ‘fuck you’ ever!

174 replies

Troyes76 · 17/06/2022 22:44

So, I left my previous job last year(teacher) I was treated really badly by certain members of SLT (bullying, gaslighting, negative comments etc) so much so that I had a breakdown and was signed off for a while. I began to believe that I was a rubbish teacher as that’s what I was told by them day in day out.

Fast forward to now, I’m in the most amazing school, with wonderful staff and kids, glowing reviews with my teaching mojo back and I LOVE it!

Tomorrow is the leaving party for a friend of mine from my old school. The bullying SLT members will be there.
Should I
a) Just ignore them and focus on my friends
b) Make a beeline for them and go on and on about how much I love my new job
c) Poke them in the eyes

My husband says b), I know a and b are what I will choose between.
c) is so tempting though - any more suggestions on how to say ‘fuck you’!

OP posts:
Branleuse · 17/06/2022 23:20

Just go along and dont show any interest in them. Theyre dickheads. Not your friends. Just talk to other people

GreenFingersWouldBeHandy · 17/06/2022 23:20

Rise above it. Go and support your friend; keep it brief and leave without causing any offence. You may well need a reference from some of them in the future.

You've moved on (it sounds) and life is good. Don't waste your energy.

SirChenjins · 17/06/2022 23:25

A - they are not worthy of any of your breath.

You do need to spit on their food when they’re not looking though, that’s a given.

User3568975431146 · 17/06/2022 23:27

A

Be the bigger person. You're the winner, they're still a bunch of saddos so don't waste your time.

Happenchance · 17/06/2022 23:28

A

I'd actually play it down if they ask about your new job. You don't want to do anything that may encourage them to apply for a job there as well!

Bournetilly · 17/06/2022 23:29

A!
if they speak to you first and ask then B

Somethingsnappy · 17/06/2022 23:32

LicoricePizza · 17/06/2022 23:18

A & only B in as much as if asked say

“Yes a lot better thanks. The people are genuinely good at their jobs & also just really nice. Bye then”

Love this!

Queenie6655 · 17/06/2022 23:34

Troyes76 · 17/06/2022 22:44

So, I left my previous job last year(teacher) I was treated really badly by certain members of SLT (bullying, gaslighting, negative comments etc) so much so that I had a breakdown and was signed off for a while. I began to believe that I was a rubbish teacher as that’s what I was told by them day in day out.

Fast forward to now, I’m in the most amazing school, with wonderful staff and kids, glowing reviews with my teaching mojo back and I LOVE it!

Tomorrow is the leaving party for a friend of mine from my old school. The bullying SLT members will be there.
Should I
a) Just ignore them and focus on my friends
b) Make a beeline for them and go on and on about how much I love my new job
c) Poke them in the eyes

My husband says b), I know a and b are what I will choose between.
c) is so tempting though - any more suggestions on how to say ‘fuck you’!

Oooh it's tempting isn't it

I think the fact you are doing so well speaks volumes
They will be raging enough because of that

Ps how can people be vile to others like this I don't get it

I had an awful awful boss five years ago
I saw her at a leaving party few weeks back and she couldn't look any of us in the eye
Her husband left her
She seemed so alone and I just wanted to say - you deserve all that
You made our lives a misery
I just smiled and congratulated myself for staying reserved

Ameliarosethistle · 17/06/2022 23:39

A but C if they get too close!

Mulhollandmagoo · 17/06/2022 23:46

I would go A whilst definitely wanting to do C but I'd make sure you look absolutely killer, and maybe mention your job a smidge loudly when you know they're in earshot 🤣 but seriously, don't give them the satisfaction of calling them out, they'll never think they were in the wrong and will spin it so that you're the odd one. Just go, ignore them, catch up with your friends and have a nice time.

TheLadyDIdGood · 17/06/2022 23:48

A but if they approach you then B but one word answers only. Don't tell them where you work.

LeggyLinda · 17/06/2022 23:48

Why go at all?

Viviennemary · 17/06/2022 23:51

I wouldn't go at sll. Why would you want to mix with those people socially.

IDreamOfTheMoors · 17/06/2022 23:51

Someone very rich and very important told me once that if you really want to insult someone, “forget” their name.

As in, “I’m sorry — I just can’t seem to remember your name.” Or, “What was your name, again?”

It puts the emphasis on just how forgettable they truly are.

Windypants21 · 17/06/2022 23:52

My niece was treated badly as a pupil at a private secondary school by fellow students and some teachers. All because she wasnt the most monied, was very studious and not a skinny minny. Some of the teachers a treated her very badly. Come the end of her last year she was omitted from the last girls night out before they got their results A level results. She was sooo upset. We told her these people will be distant memories soon enough.

Happily she did amazingly well at her exams but never told any of these girls her results. She was invited go to the post results night out. Her mum said, 'it's up to you whether you go but why do you think they want you to go'. She didnt go.

She had always aspired to go to a prestigious university but due to covid it was the last to offer places. Initially she got offered another uni , still very good and had accepted. But the late offer came in for her optimal uni so she went for it. The fact she got the offer at all was enough to send the message she had done amazingly well.

The final rub was when she did so well at uni she achieved a very prestigious offer. Her mum happened to run into one of the teachers who she had got on very well with at school and she told the teacher how well she had done. Tgis teacher passed the news along !One of the more senior teachers who had been really vile to her then HAD to write and congratulate my niece on this achievement ! Throughout it all my niece never said a word and to me this was the best 2 fingers to them all. She didnt have to sing her own praises and it was perfect.

Queenie6655 · 17/06/2022 23:54

Windypants21 · 17/06/2022 23:52

My niece was treated badly as a pupil at a private secondary school by fellow students and some teachers. All because she wasnt the most monied, was very studious and not a skinny minny. Some of the teachers a treated her very badly. Come the end of her last year she was omitted from the last girls night out before they got their results A level results. She was sooo upset. We told her these people will be distant memories soon enough.

Happily she did amazingly well at her exams but never told any of these girls her results. She was invited go to the post results night out. Her mum said, 'it's up to you whether you go but why do you think they want you to go'. She didnt go.

She had always aspired to go to a prestigious university but due to covid it was the last to offer places. Initially she got offered another uni , still very good and had accepted. But the late offer came in for her optimal uni so she went for it. The fact she got the offer at all was enough to send the message she had done amazingly well.

The final rub was when she did so well at uni she achieved a very prestigious offer. Her mum happened to run into one of the teachers who she had got on very well with at school and she told the teacher how well she had done. Tgis teacher passed the news along !One of the more senior teachers who had been really vile to her then HAD to write and congratulate my niece on this achievement ! Throughout it all my niece never said a word and to me this was the best 2 fingers to them all. She didnt have to sing her own praises and it was perfect.

This warms my heart for so many reasons

Go her
She sounds amazing

KylieCharlene · 17/06/2022 23:57

Having mutual acquaintances I'm sure they'll have heard it through the grapevine that you have a new job (and that you're loving it)?

I'd go armed with my biggest smile- show them how happy you are.
I'd not bother conversing with them.
If they make a beeline for you I'd act vague and uninterested in them and move along.

ozymandiusking · 18/06/2022 00:01

Very quietly, "Haven't you fucked off and died yet"

ZombieMumEB · 18/06/2022 00:04

a) - this is the only way to really say the biggest FU

If you go with b) Make a beeline for them and go on and on about how much I love my new job, - you will be sending them the wrong message as people who tend to do this, are experiencing the opposite - I would be judging you and think you are unhappy with your new job.

worraliberty · 18/06/2022 00:07

No it shows she’s forgotten them already and really unsettled them. It’s not what they are expecting, they usually freeze up like an old computer and it’s hilarious watching them trying to reboot and come back at you. That’s when you smile and turn away.
Works a treat with bullies.

I honestly couldn't disagree more because unless she has a serious medical condition, of course she hasn't forgotten the SLT from just last year.

To pretend to do so, is just going to make her look incredibly false and silly.

SpidersAreShitheads · 18/06/2022 00:10

The biggest fuck you is showing someone how unimportant they are, and just how happy you are now.

The grapevine in schools is very active so they'll know where you are and what you're doing. Trying to impress them will just make it seem as if you haven't really moved on, and that they're living rent-free in your head.

Show them how little they matter by not even giving the matter oxygen. While secretly fantasising about poking them in the eye, of course.

Mellowyellow222 · 18/06/2022 00:11

B will be very transparent and feels a bit immature.

A send a stronger message. You have moved on and no longer give them headspace.

Mellowyellow222 · 18/06/2022 00:13

IDreamOfTheMoors · 17/06/2022 23:51

Someone very rich and very important told me once that if you really want to insult someone, “forget” their name.

As in, “I’m sorry — I just can’t seem to remember your name.” Or, “What was your name, again?”

It puts the emphasis on just how forgettable they truly are.

Given she recently worked with these people it is incredibly transport - and the acting will be obvious.

don’t give people a reason to laugh at you.

peopel over work revenge fantasies.

Mellowyellow222 · 18/06/2022 00:13

Transparent not transport!!

UndertheCedartree · 18/06/2022 00:14

Just go up to them and give them the finger (in your head!)