To want to say the biggest ‘fuck you’ ever!

[Troyes76]

So, I left my previous job last year(teacher) I was treated really badly by certain members of SLT (bullying, gaslighting, negative comments etc) so much so that I had a breakdown and was signed off for a while. I began to believe that I was a rubbish teacher as that’s what I was told by them day in day out.

Fast forward to now, I’m in the most amazing school, with wonderful staff and kids, glowing reviews with my teaching mojo back and I LOVE it!

Tomorrow is the leaving party for a friend of mine from my old school. The bullying SLT members will be there.
Should I
a) Just ignore them and focus on my friends
b) Make a beeline for them and go on and on about how much I love my new job
c) Poke them in the eyes

My husband says b), I know a and b are what I will choose between.
c) is so tempting though - any more suggestions on how to say ‘fuck you’!

A, then respond when they ask how you are with a simple “I’m loving my new job, thanks” with a big beaming smile then move the conversation on to how they are. Just seeming happy will be the best revenge.

I've been in your position, OP but I left teaching & feel so bitter that I let those evil, evil bastards rob me of a career I'd worked so hard for.

Well done for moving on & doing so well.

Hold your head up high and ignore them, I say. They're not worth your attention.

Actually, I wouldn’t go, as I think it might upset you. Can you make a separate arrangement for a night out with your friend?

D) don't go to the leaving party. You don't work there anymore so your presence would be weird which is probably why you are overthinking how you'll behave so much.

I'm cringing thinking of you doing either B or the faux "who are you" line.

If you genuinely want to show how well you are doing then A is your only option.

Go looking amazing, wear your highest, "Confidence" heels, and sparkle!...pretend not to see them, but chat animatedly with your mates. If one comes over to you, give them a quick look up and down, the faintest, absolutely teeniest sneer on your lips and say "I'm fine, thanks...life is wonderful." Then turn back and chat with your mates, your biggest smile on your face. Be dignified, be icily polite., but leave them in no doubt that you despise them. I've been there myself...but I moved to an extremely prestigious school, where I was really appreciated, and met royalty when they visited-chatted about my (very new and interesting) subject with them. This was relayed to the Head of my previous school by my best pal, still there - she said that the bitchy headmistress's face was a picture...

I wouldn't go. Do something else with your friend if you want to.x

It is always one leading the pack. If you know which one it is, you can certainly say this to that person, for your own peace. Everyone recoils from the word bully, but chances are others agree, so say it loud. Why lie down and let a nasty prick just pick off their next victim. Part of the problem is people not door-stopping behaviour and on and on they go.

You're a teacher not a child. Surely A. I doubt anyone cares about you of your new job you'll just make yourself look silly with B.

A.if you look happy,confident and like they don't effect you THIS WILL Be the killer for bullys.
If you do b they will no it.they will see you trying to brave or bitter and tryung to look good.and might not believe it.and anyone else around will think your being a cocky git.

Why would you go? Or even be invited?

I wouldn’t give them the satisfaction of knowing they got to you. Tbh, I’d ignore them and act like they’re less than nothing. Look through them.

So, A is the obvious go-to.

You don't seek them out because that tells them you feel you've got "something to prove to them. You don't. They were wrong; your experience in your new job validates that. And you don't need them to re-validate that. You recounting your new job experiences won't change a damn thing about how they see you. They were wrong about you then, and they'll be wrong about you now. Trying to convince people who irrationally don't respect you to respect you is a fool's errand.

If they come up to you and make enquiries, you respond authentically. "Oh, the new job is great! I'm absolutely loving it. It's a really supportive team, I love the kids and my employer is really happy with my performance, so it's worked out great." Short and sweet.

Then deflect: "Anyway, this is [Friend Who Is Leaving]'s night! I'm sure you're all going to miss her as much as I have, right? (turn to friend) What are you looking most forward to about the new job?" (or any other question that seems appropriate and moves the conversation on).

Weirdly, none of those options would work for me. I wouldn't go. I couldn't enjoy being in the same room as people who had bullied me.

You have moved on and are wonderfully free.

Going back to a time when you were trapped and sad will bring back old feelings.

Just behave as though you’re a grown-up.

A. Because you're a mature person who's happy with thier life.

If asked about your job by anyone answer honestly. You're really happy there, the staff are great and you're doing very well.

This is a truthful answer, so you've no reason to overplay it. Even so I would suggest you "practice" your answer out loud because in these sort of circumstances it's a big thing and you'll be understandably nervous.

So say it out loud to yourself several times before you go and when you do 'practice' dont forget to tell yourself what you're saying is true; and that you did this for you and not to prove anything to anyone else. (In reality it's a self affirmation rather than practice.)

Then if you're asked you'll be able to smile quiet naturally and say in a naturally tone that the job's great, you're happy.

Oh, God, A.
Please A.
You will look ridiculous if you do anything other than A.
A.
A.

This

Well done for taking action and moving to a new job. When you work in a toxic environment you can start to think that you are the problem and not the others. Some work environments are terrible and this is often due to just one or two people. Back to the options I would choose A, and just say you are happy with the new job.

Don't b. In any working life, people know other people. Don't give a bunch of bitches the opportunity to further interfere with your life. The best revenge is a life lived well.

A all the way.

Be very subtle about B. By all means let it be known your job is going well and the team are nice to anyone who asks first but keep it brief. With this option you're depending on their response (repentence and grudging admiration?) to have a good night and feel vindicated. If you rave about the job it will be so transparent and if they're bullies they will want to bring you down so you're setting yourself up to feel rubbish. What if they come out with a shitty jibe or a patronising 'that's nice, dear'? You'll feel very deflated. Never rely on anyone else to have a good time or feel good about yourself.

Mentally, of course, C. Nice and hard.

SMILE .
LAUGH OUT LOUD
REALLY HAVE A BLAST.
PRETEND IT IS YOUR PARTY.
OH N TOTALLY BLANK HER IN THE PROCESS.

That should do it.

D. Don't go. Why on earth would you consider socialising with them?
Arrange a separate celebration with your friend

A.

If you do B it gives them even more power because you’ve given them a reaction. And honestly, if these aren’t nice people, they’re not going to care if you’re enjoying your new job. They’ll have moved on to something else.