To be annoyed that my best friend/maid of honour won't lose weight for my wedding

[scj96]

I'm expecting to get a bit hammered for this, but here goes...

I got engaged about a year and a half ago, and we set the date for April 2023. Almost a year ago, myself and my bridesmaids had a couple of trips to go dress shopping. We saw a bridesmaid dress that we all absolutely adored, but it turned out that they only did it up to a size 16. My best friend who is my maid of honour is a bigger girl so it didn't seem like this was going to work. However she said, off her own back and unprompted, that she was going to lose weight for the wedding anyway and so we should get them. I told her she didn't need to do that but she insisted it was fine so we bought them.

Fast forward a year, and she's made almost no effort to try and get the weight off. I haven't raised it with her at all and left her to it, but having just been away for a girls weekend, it was quite obvious that she's now even bigger than when we bought the dresses (and bigger than she's ever been) and doesn't seem to be moderating her eating at all

The wedding is now basically 9 months away and I'm stressing that I'm going to end up having to find (and pay for, because I've already bought the current ones) new dresses.

I probably sound like an absolute cow, but AIBU?

Where has OP pressured her to do anything?! She's said she doesn't care about her weight from the start!

Why would you buy bridesmaids dresses years in advance when people might gain/lose weight I would do it max 3 months before the day.

As a competent sewer myself, I wouldn’t be spending any money asking for a size 16 dress to be turned into an 18 or 20. It’s going to look obvious that the dress has been made bigger and that will be more humiliating for your friend.
Cut your losses, sell the dress that doesn’t fit and go round to your friend with a bottle of wine, have a chat and sort it out. You’ll both feel much better.

I would just get her a different dress as she's the MOH, it's not worth the stress.

Thanks for that and I am going to speak to dressmakers and see what options there are.

The issue is that she was about a size 22 when we bought them, and I know from last weekend that she's now a 24 (and on the big side of that being honest) so it feels like that would be such a big alteration to try and do.

You don’t sound like a very nice friend.

You both loved the original dress.
She genuinely hoped to lose the weight in time.
It hasn't been possible (for whatever reason & that's private to her)
You probably can't alter it enough so...
Sell the dress & buy another in a similar style that fits & flatters her.
If you value her friendship then there is plenty of time to do this.

For £190 you could get a dressmaker to make one in the same style. It won't be an exact copy if you can't the same material (likely), but it could be close enough. Since she's the MOH, for example, you could do an exact copy of the style but in a different colour so it doesn't look as obvious that the fabric's not an exact match.

Is it too late to return the original one? Could you sell it second hand to recoup your loses?

Well you are entitled to your opinion.

I think it’s really shitty of you and your other bridesmaids to choose dresses that you knew were massively out of her size range.

Aw OP, so much stress and pressure.🌻 Talk to your friend, remind her of what she said and then suggest finding a suitable, more comfortable and complimentary dress. If money is an issue, you could ask her to pay or contribute to the cost.

It will work out, but you need to get it out and release both of you from this stress.

Hahaha a lot of people with major chips on their shoulders commenting here 😂

Yes you were probably being unreasonable buying a size 16 dress for a size 22/24 bridesmaid HOWEVER she was completely unreasonable to allow you to spend £190 on a dress that small and I can imagine how insistent she probably was about buying the dress.

9 months is never going to be enough time for her to slim into that dress and it will be completely impossible for even the best seamstress in the world to alter it up that many sizes.

Best option is speaking to her alone, explaining that you will need to buy her another dress and going just you and her to buy a dress that is hopefully similar, I think you need to swallow the cost for the sake of your friendship but yeah, lesson learned.

Was going to suggest you talk to her as its still 9mths away and could still be done (if its a dress size or 2) but you've just posted her actual size (so very unlikely). You need to talk to her and ask if she wants to get herself a different dress or offer to get one (if you can afford it).

MOH doesn't have to be identical to bridesmaids, could be same colour or complimentary colour.

^^ this - be a friend and do the right thing, a dress is worth fuck all compared to a good friend, but her a different style and sell the other one

@scj96 I think some of these comments are really unfair. From what I can gather
1- MOH found said dress and pointed it out
2- you slyly checked sizes and it didn’t come in her size
3- she still insisted you get them
4- she’s the only one who has said she’d lose weight numerous times.

she may just be too stressed to approach the situation so you may need to make the first move I would suggest a different dress as she’s MOH however my SIL fell pregnant so when she was bridesmaid she was 6 months and her dress had to be massively altered and it was worth it so maybe worth looking into it.

i don’t think in any of this you’ve been unkind at all I’d be a little miffed but I can see that maybe MOH was just trying to be kind and not want to spoil your day

Honestly, why not actually read what i've written before commenting!

I think you were in an impossible situation, but really? A 22 down to a 16? 3 full dress sizes is a huge difference! Like going from a 12 to a 6! Doesn't seem that likely. I'm sure that if she was able to do that, she'd have done it before now.

But I'm glad you aren't angry with her. I'd sack off the dress since there's little chance of a 16 fitting a 26! Like getting a size 6 dress on a size 16 isn't it? Never happen.

Go and have a wee chat with her and tell her she'll look beautiful in another dress that actually fits.

Fwiw my bridesmaids wore different dresses in the same colour as they were all different shapes. It looked great imo

Wow. Coming from a bigger girl myself, rain your neck in! Her weight is none of your business. If you were that concerned you should have just found a dress in a bigger size so it could have been made smaller if the need had arisen. If I found out one of my friends was speaking of myself like that I'd be devastated.

In response to a few comments above - as I said earlier I never put any expectation on her to lose weight. Personally, and completely aside from the dress, I would be happy if she did because I don't think it's a healthy weight that she is at, but it is her life, her body and her choice, and I would never TELL her to do it.

I read it. She ‘fell in love’ with a dress four sizes too small for her? Sure. Did she try it on?

I’m a size 22 myself but I’ve voted YANBU because she offered to lose the weight. I also understand it’s hard though.

I think at this point you need to talk to her. 9 months is long enough to lose a chunk of weight. But only with determination. Be sensitive though, these things are not easy. Evidence: I’m a size 22 myself.

Weddings can make you a bit crazy in this way but...The people you love are not background artists you are casting in the movie of your life. Don't make this mistake. Sharing your day with kind, funny, beloved friend is the real story. She's not there to fill a dress and if you start thinking this way you will have some very pretty pictures and an empty life.

Of course she didn't try it on! It wouldn't have fit and she was fully aware of that - that's the whole point!

Regarding a few posts above, this isn't going to change the role she plays in my wedding at all - I love her to bits and there's nobody else I would rather have as my MOH. I've absolutely no intention of trying to make her feel awful about this, I fully get that it's such a difficult/awkward topic.

But the other bridesmaids had no trouble getting their sizes?