Man I am seeing dropped a bit of a bombshell now I’m unsure what to do

[Polkadotdress1]

Hi

I have been seeing a man for about three months. At first it was just casual but we do get along well and have had some nice dates etc. I have developed feelings for him but I have not told him this.

I saw him the other day and he dropped a bit of a bombshell. Think interest in swinging, poly etc. Which he also on a forum for. This is not something I have any experience or interest in and I feel quite confused. I do really like him but I’m just not sure what to do. Any advice welcome

@me4real oh yeah I'm just trying to reinforce to OP not to let him break her down because it's not as straightforward as he claims it is

There are a lot of ways of living and many different cultures, both with lands and within lands.

But this guy has been consistently sexual from the word go and had NOT respected your reasonable stated wishes.

People who live the polyamory style with decency really do not act like him. This one claims he's poly in order to cover the sleaze.

Again, look at his actions.

True, sometimes it's used for two people who want to sleep around but pretend it's something deeper. In most cases it's used by men to manipulate vulnerable women, make them feel like they're not being used and cheated on.

You can save any arguments about how it's an ethical lifestyle, a valid relationship choice, blah blah. I'm aware of the party line but not silly enough to fall for it.

So basically the only valid way to do relationships is the way you personally approve of. How narrow-minded.

So basically the only valid way to do relationships is the way you personally approve of. How narrow-minded.

@bringincrazyback I suppose it varies but 'polyamory' can involve men being seedy or manipulative etc. It's not as squeaky clean as people try to say. And in my experience, anything like this can end in tears.

I totally agree that these things can and do happen, but polyamorous relationships don't always end in tears - you're right, it does vary. What I was taking issue with was the pp's blanket dismissal of polyamory as any sort of valid concept. I also think putting the word in quotes is a bit invalidating of other people's life choices.

Yeah! Much like that gentleman you are ignoring OPs own wishes.

She said no, for her own reasons and he continued to try and persuade her, as though she didn't know her own mind. And look, here you are doing the same!

Who are you talking to?

Are you talking to me? I'm just trying to be supportive - not bullying someone into letting me and my friends sexually abuse them, but ok.

Why didn't he look for a polyamorous partner via polyamoroud dating etc sites?

He's wasted 3 months of your time.

Probably because there are so relatively few of them.

So he thinks he'll a woman who's "ordinary", get her invested and groom her into it.

So basically the only valid way to do relationships is the way you personally approve of. How narrow-minded.

There are lots of ways to have a healthy relationship. You and your ilk don't have healthy relationships.

I don't belong to an 'ilk'. But thanks for proving my point about narrow-mindedness.

Top notch debating skills there.

I'm not interested in 'debating' with you, you've already made it clear your mind is closed on this topic.

Back in the day before meeting my DH, I did a brief stint on OKCupid, being very clear that I was looking for a committed one to one relationship. The amount of chancers that wanted to add me to their supposed polyamorous harem was pretty shocking. Each to their own and all that jazz and I generally do not tend to kink shame but my personal experience with people into this life style was one of deep disrespect on their part, as they were trying to solicit me against my expressed wishes. Most of these dudes just struck me as sordid shaggers. Frankly, I was surprised that any, let alone multiple women would let these fuckleberries near them!

Disrespectful men and genuine polyamorous men are very different things.

Same with men who shag about Willy nilly and genuine swingers - two totally different things.

Genuine Poly men/couples and genuine swingers have respect and consent at the forefront.

sleazy blokes shagging about with no respect are just that - regardless of what labels they pretend to have.

This 👆

I also think putting the word in quotes is a bit invalidating of other people's life choices.

I have a live and let live attitude to life but it is not my responsibility to validate anyone's life choices. You should not need the validation of others if you are confident in the choices you make. I reserve the right to have an opinion if those choices are unlawful or harming others.

You can keep trying to frame it like a sixth former but you fundamentally don't understand what a closed mind is. Understanding different opinions and then forming your own is the opposite of being closed minded.

None of which changes the fact that "poly" people are either manipulated, manipulators, or trying to legitimise their inability to commit.

Imagine our Grannies putting up with this shit! Back in the day, when men were men and were truly grateful to get anywhere near 1st base with a woman. Bloody hell, he would have been labelled a "wrong un" and sent packing.

Trouble is nowadays, that if a woman says no to a man, he can just log back in to the sweety shop that is the internet, and pick again.

This

And you think your responses on this thread demonstrate open-mindedness? 😂

You've shown no evidence whatsoever on this thread of any openness to discuss concepts you've already made up your mind to judge, and appear to have incorrectly assumed I'm poly myself (I'm not, for the record, but I have friends who are and have seen it work just fine in practice. But hey, I'll just tell them they're wrong and that their lifestyle choices can't possibly be working because ArmWrestlingWithChasNDave says so, shall I?).

You have repeatedly attempted to frame subjective opinions as hard fact on this thread as well as attempting to tell me, a complete stranger, what I supposedly do and don't understand. And that's before I even get started on your meaningless 'sixth-former' jibe.

I'm not poly. I was making a general comment. You don't have to agree with polyamory but nor do I have to think it's OK to invalidate those who practise it.

Also, in what way is polyamory (as opposed to polygamy) unlawful? 🤔

bringincrazyback You still don't understand what open-mindedness is.

I'm glad you're not poly. One less woman being exploited.