Man I am seeing dropped a bit of a bombshell now I’m unsure what to do

[Polkadotdress1]

Hi

I have been seeing a man for about three months. At first it was just casual but we do get along well and have had some nice dates etc. I have developed feelings for him but I have not told him this.

I saw him the other day and he dropped a bit of a bombshell. Think interest in swinging, poly etc. Which he also on a forum for. This is not something I have any experience or interest in and I feel quite confused. I do really like him but I’m just not sure what to do. Any advice welcome

He doesn't respect you or your boundaries. You need to stop engaging with him.

Just block his number! You’ve told him you don’t want to continue the relationship, so that’s the last word. You don’t owe him the chance to continue talking to you. Every time you read another message you’re giving him the opportunity to break down your boundaries and convince you to start a sex life you don’t want. You’re telling him he’s got a chance if he continues nudging away at you.

Stop being a wet lettuce and, if you haven’t been COMPLETELY clear, send one last message saying ‘this relationship is over, if you contact me again I’ll be reporting you for harassment’ and then block his number so he can’t take up any more of your valuable time and headspace.

The photo request is to blackmail you with later. DO NOT SEND HIM A PHOTO.

Delete all compromising messages to him in the middle of the night so he can't screen shot. Then go ahead and block him, that'll give him a cheery start to the morning.

Perfect advice.

He is being a bit strange this morning asking for a nice photo of me to ‘cheer him up’

He's still trying to get as much sexual stuff as he can from you. Because that's what he's like and is after.

Have you told him it’s definitely over OP?

Your standards would have to be lower than sludge to keep this up. Make it clear to him - and yourself.

Ok so I ignored and he has sent another message. He says ‘what we could do is add you to my swingers page, it’s fun to talk on it and See how you feel about it and go from there’

I’ve just re read the message and he basically is saying he wants to add me onto his profile

Dump and run. You're being groomed to his sexual preferences

Please go to an STD clinic and get tested. Then block the fucker... he is not a good man! He lied to you and is clearly trying to groom you with no respect for your boundaries. You've done nothing wrong here, by the way, he has misled you for three months.

Block, move on with your life and chalk it up to experience 💐

He has also asked for a full length photo of me so I wonder if he will just add to to the profile without me saying yes

I have a similar circumstance except its a same sex relationship and there isn't swinging or casual sex. She believes its fine to love more than one person at once. I've thought and learned long and hard about poly (I'm not) relationships. As much as I adore this person, and I believe in a certain level of consensual, safe, sexual freedom, I can't take my girlfriend having another girlfriend. We broke up a week ago and it has been the week from hell but I am already better for finding, learning about and owning my boundary.

Of course he will. He couldn't be any more transparent.

Are you going to block him?

Please don’t send him any photos. He’s getting pushy now. If this is his thing then he can date like minded people on specialist sites. He’s spent three months testing the waters with you and now wants to get you involved. I suspect he’s interpreting your doubt and confusion as interest.

Christ almighty.

You need to reply in no uncertain terms that you will not be complying with any of his requests and do not want to hear from him again or you’ll consider it harassment. Then block.

Don’t be wishy washy on this one OP. Assert yourself.

Why are you still entertaining this man? He won't change.

Why on earth are you still talking to this serial shagger? He sounds vile. He's made it clear up front that he's thinking of shagging your friends. WTF? You'll never get a moments peace if you stay with him.

Of course the full length photo of you is wanted for his profile - you'll help him lure more people in. Don't send him anything, and I hope you haven't sent him any nudes, because they will have been shared already.

He is already trampling all over your boundaries - he's trying to get you to do something you have already said you don't want to do.

Of course he has a nice side - so did Ted Bundy when he wasn't raping women.

"Morning. There's no point in us meeting up, as I am looking for a monogamous relationship, which you are not. I wish you well. Best wishes, Polka"

Then don't talk to him anymore. He will be shagging someone else before the weekend is over, trust me.

I don't understand why you're still talking to him?

Block him and be done with it.

This is such an odd comment - you're talking as if you have to send him a full length photo, because he has asked for one. Don't send him anything.

Thanks all. The worrying thing is I have sent him a few nudes, before I knew all this

Not with my face in though thankfully

I will definitely not be sending any photos over. He is very sure of himself and I’m sure he thinks he has one over me and can make me do whatever he wants. He knows I have self doubt and self esteem issues also which may be why is he doing it. I will be blocking him shortly

Well. You’ve learned a lesson now for your next relationship.

This one’s over, isn’t it? SO BLOCK HIM. Honestly, you’re you’re own worst enemy if you continue to entertain any of this.

Don't worry if they don't have your face in. They're not identifiable and you don't have to keep him sweet.

You've done nothing wrong here, by the way, he has misled you for three months.

He talked about sex the very first evening, making his intentions clear.

@Polkadotdress1 I hope you've learned from this experience to block those that go on about sex too quickly.