To leave children for 3 and a half months?

[elbigbx]

Hi

Would like opinions on my current situation as I've had mixed feedback from personal relationships.

I start my second year of university (Law degree) in September and we have been told we have the option for a work placement abroad for half of the academic year, which is just over 3 months.

I'm a single mum to 2 daughter's who will be 7 and 4 at the time. I share custody with their dad and he is very open about the opportunity and has said he would have the girls if it came to it.

AIBU to take up this opportunity? I can pick anywhere in the world to secure a placement (depending on if I get accepted of course). I don't think this opportunity will present itself again but I also can't shake off the fact that I would be leaving my 2 girls behind who are my everything.

Please let me know what you would do in my situation. Luckily I've got a few months to really think about it.

Thanks

Would it make you more or less employable?

How much extra will it cost?

Nope. I wouldn't, no way. I'm pretty relaxed about leaving children for holidays etc. But that is far too long!

I'd consider it if it was close enough for at least one visit back at the half way point. Could you defer a year so that the youngest is that bit older? I think it would be hard for a 4 year old to grasp how and why you are going, but less hard for a 5 year old.

It is great that Dad is willing to have them.

If you were their father, not their mother and had to make the same decision, what would you do?

I would at those ages as you can explain it , your leaving them with a loving parent and it might actually do their bond lots of good. Depending on how far you go you can likely fly home and visit for long weekends etc.
i think it’s important we don’t lose ourselves for our kids and 12-15 weeks is a very small portion of their whole childhood

Would he definitely give them back at the end? Or would he expect a significant change to their contact schedule?

I wouldn't do it. I think it would be very unsettling for the children who should be the priority here.

I wouldn't do it and I'd say the same of either parent. They're so young and it's a long time.

@WhoppingBigBackside If their father had this opportunity I would push him to go for it, because they would still be with me. Which is what makes me want to go, as they will be with him! I would probably fly home every other weekend to see them. I would love to go to America but realistically I think Europe is best for that reason.

@YellowHpok Of course he would, we have a very good co-parenting relationship and I think he would be chucking them back at me after having them 24/7 for 3 months 😃

I don't think I would do it tbh.

What's the extra costs for you?
Does it help towards your degree or is it just a nice option to do if you wanted?

I would. Happily. Most men would do it for far longer.

My perspective is a bit weird on this as my husband is in the military so this is normal for us. Children adapt so should be fine but I will warn you 4 was not a good age for adjusting though, younger was easier. Would your ex facilitate things like daily face times?

Given your update about fortnightly visits I would go for it. They won't even remember your absence when they're older, but they'll appreciate the fancy lawyer salary you'll earn :)

You will get roasted by your friends, your family & complete strangers who will call you a terrible parent for even considering it!!!!! Be prepared for that. People are extremely judgemental. If you have a thick skin & can remind yourself your children will be well cared for in your absence & you are doing it to better everyone's future, then I say absolutely DO IT! Take the opportunity. Good Luck.

I personally wouldn’t as it wouldn’t work for me or my children.

It could be expensive is my only concern for you, can you realistically afford all the flights home and maintenance for the children? Make sure you check your home insurance, soke have clauses about the property being empty for x amount of time.

I would, absolutely

Choose somewhere in Europe and fly back often, maybe have them over once? Law is competitive and this may give you an edge.

I couldn't do it personally, I'd miss mine too much and my kids would hate.

But family isnt yours, only you can make this choice.

I don’t think it’s reasonable to leave children for that length of time - and I’d say the same for a father too. Yes, lots of men think nothing of working away for long periods of time but that doesn’t make it right or fair on the children.

I would - if it’s something that you & your girls can benefit from long term, then it’s worth it IMO.

Do it! Three and a half months will fly by. It will be a fantastic experience for you! Staying in touch is an awful lot easier these days. The kids will be absolutely fine with their Dad.

And well done on managing a law degree while single parenting small DC. I think you are setting a wonderful example to your girls, and doing this placement will only make it better.

I wouldn’t. I had a similar placement abroad during my degree, nobody has ever expressed any interest in it in a job interview and I don’t include it on my CV any longer.

I don't see how working aboard is any different to working in the U.K.

I wouldn't. You had children for a reason not to just pick and drop them when it suits you. What about their needs and wants?