To not lend ds savings?

[FanFanFanFee]

Ex gave ds money for Xmas and ds has saved it, and added to it by also saving all of his pocket money, so that he currently has a good amount saved. He has been considering spending some of it recently but so far hasn't.

Ds lives with me and sees ex once a month (exs choice) and I look after his savings for him.

Ex has just texted me asking lots of questions about ds savings, how much it is, is he saving for anything specific etc, and how much did he give ds for Xmas (I don't know - he also gave the other dc random amounts of money and just transferred a lump sum to me for them all which I shared out into their savings at the time but didn't keep any record of - I just keep each dc current total updated as the money sits in my account because they are too young to have their own yet)

He has then said he has received an unexpected utility bill and he has to borrow the money from ds but ds mustn't know about it. He says he can get the money from his own savings at the end of the month and will then pay ds back. He is demanding £150 tomorrow and says that it is his money because he gave it to ds and ds hasn't spent it.

I'm very reluctant to do this because
A) it is ds money and I don't think doing it behind his back is right
B) I don't have the money myself so if I lend it to ex and then ds wants to spend it he won't be able to until ex pays it back - which would be very unfair and basically penalising ds for having been sensible and saving his money
C) ex has form for being very unreliable re. Money. He was financially abusive while we were together and also borrowed thousands from my parents which he has never and will never pay back

Surely his utility company would be open to waiting until the end of the month for him to pay if he explains that he needs to give that much notice to withdraw the money from his savings account?

AIBU to not feel comfortable lending ds money in this way?

It sounds like you are judging others by your own standards - you are being incredibly judgemental here - for years I had my children's money in my account for simplicity fo access as I was rural and didn't want to have to travel to a bank everytime they wanted to use some. It was never frittered and is very simple - I kept a written record of how much they had.

Maybe you would spend your own children's money, but many people would not!

@FanFanFanFee If your ex is going to put pressure on the kids around money, the money may be better with you for longer rather than accessible to them alone. Depends how old they are and how pressuring their dad is, but someone who can financially abuse an adult can financially abuse a child.

Unexpected utility bill? What rubbish. Don't do it, OP.

I am glad you have decided to say no.

My first thought was that an 'unexpected utility bill' was a lie. Expected all along but chosen as a way to get money from you via your DS.

I also don’t believe he has a savings account with money in it.No is the answer to ever asking for money.Somepeople ie him have no shame.

Why on earth do you get from my post that I would spend my children's money? They had their own accounts virtually from birth, which was when relatives wanted to give money for their futures. Which is exactly why I thought it was odd that OP hasn't.
You have very strange thought processes.

Anyway, OP has some said that her children's money is kept in a separate (presumably linked) account, so that's good to hear, and I take back my suspicions that she hadn't fully accounted for it.

Individual child accounts are the best way to go. For the ex, no excuses nor explanations just say "No." If he wants to control money he gives the DC then he needs to put that into separate accounts.

Has JUST said, even

I'm glad you are going to refuse this demand. For your son's sake and for yours. Stay string. Your ex is clearly used to scrounging off others under the guise of borrowing. It's time He paid his own way. It's hard to imagine a parent prepared to leech off his own young child. There's some useful advice from other posters on types of savings accounts. Good luck.

Agree

No!!

He should be ashamed of himself for bloody asking too🤮

No, don’t lend him money. You should also open accounts for your children with you as a trustee that way they each have their own savings pots are should be gaining interest.

Problem with the kids having their own accounts and a father like this is that the pressure the OP is feeling to handover the money, would go straight to the kids instead.

For the sake of protecting the kids from dad putting them in that position I would keep it in my own account. Such behaviour can really damage the kids.

I am gobsmacked you are even posting this question .

All of this.

Please check with the bank what type of account you would be opening in your children's names. You absolutely do not want one that transfers over to them at 18 as you have no idea if they will blow thousands of pounds. There have been many threads on here about Child Trust Fund accounts and no parental control over those once 18.

We had a child saving's account in our name. We assumed it would transfer to Ds at 18 but it didn't. Fortunately he is sensible but we approached the bank who told us that they set up accounts that don't automatically transfer over and instead remain under the control of the parents. We moved the money out of that account to Ds but it was good to know that it wasn't automatic.

Glad you’re saying no.

I have kids accounts with Halifax, and as I’m the adult who opened it they appear on my online banking, I can transfer money in really easily, and there’s no minimum age. You can also deposit cheques just by taking a photo of which is helpful at birthdays/Christmas.
I’d really recommend it, saves any issues if your pocket money tally gets tampered with/deleted/you’re flustered and forget to update it one day.

Tell your ex the money is in an account that you can’t get to at short notice.

or alternatively just tell him to Fuck Off.

At the risk of being rude, don’t be so bloody stupid.

He won’t pay it back.

What. A. Prick!!

Sounds like the sort of stunt my ex would play.

Pleased you're going to stand up to him!

Tell him to fuck off. Please don't ever discuss money with him again unless it's child maintence!

Unexpected utility bill?! What’s unexpected about that? Surely he’s been paying these for years. A car breaking down - that’s unexpected, but not a utility bill.

i’m joining the chorus that say Do Not give him the money. You’ll never have it back, and once you’ve done it once, he’ll ask again. If he can’t pay, all he needs to do is ri go the energy company and let them know.

Disengage with him OP. He and his utility bill will have to sort themselves out.

It's not your money to lend. If you can't stand up to him, then tell him it's in a savings account that you can't access till your son is 18. Don't let him steal off his own child.

This is my concern - if I set up accounts for them that either ex will pressure them (and the saving dc is the most likely to cave to such pressure and then be really upset about it), or he will demand access to the accounts as 'parental rights'.