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Original poster

To feel somewhat sad about turning 25 this year

102 replies

Pansiesandtulips · 15/06/2022 23:08

Hi all

I am turning 25 this year and I feel somewhat sad about it. It’s not so much the age but more the fact I don’t feel I have accomplished much in my life. I’m not in a career that I enjoy and I’m still not sure what I want to do for a career. I’m single and unfortunately have terrible experiences in past relationships. I wasted my late teens in an abusive relationship and early twenties being treat like a door mat by every guy I met. I have never been in a happy, committed relationship and feel like it’s too late to find one.

I just feel like my life has no direction and at 25 I’m worried I’m past it. I still have terrible self esteem and self doubt. I still worry what other people think of me. I still overthink everything too.

OP posts:
Spitescreen · 16/06/2022 08:31

Pansiesandtulips · 15/06/2022 23:22

Thank you all. I think it’s because I see people I went to school with in long term relationship or announcing on social media that they are engaged or have a bought a house. I rent at the moment. I feel like everybody is settling down and I have no idea where my life is going!

I think anyone who’s ‘settled down’ by 25 has curtailed their early life unnecessarily. I don’t think you should be castigating yourself not not doing so. You should be congratulating yourself. You have lots of time. Breathe. Think about what you want to do with your life. Have therapy and work on your self-esteem. Don’t date until you’re in a much better headspace.

Bagpuss16 · 16/06/2022 08:41

I felt very similar at 25, like you I saw many peers settling down while I was in a dead end borderline abusive relationship. I felt my life was nowhere near what I wanted it to be.

I ended that relationship soon after and spent the rest of my 20s just having fun. When I was 30 I met the most amazing man who is now my husband and we have a lovely life together with our little girl, I honestly couldn't be happier. Of course I wish we had met earlier and that I had been able to have children earlier but then maybe life wouldn't have worked out like this. And going through a period of being unhappy with my life makes me appreciate what I have now so much more.

You'll find your way, just start by changing one thing at a time to make you happy xx

queenMab99 · 16/06/2022 09:08

I was all set at 25, married, bought a little house and had my first child with the love of my life, so I thought.
It had all fallen apart by 40.
Life is never a smooth road from beginning to ending up happy ever after, but a series of false starts, disasters and highlights of happiness along the way. Don't compare your progress to that of others, mistakes will be made, but you will go on and recover, ther will never be a time when you have 'made it' it is a continuum. You are not falling behind, some people won't have had the 'opportunity' to learn from being in a bad relationship, but it may strike them when they are in a more vulnerable state, whereas you have had that lesson early, when you are young.

Peppapig7262662 · 16/06/2022 09:11

Don't compare yourself OP, we're all different.

I'm early 30s with 2 children, currently a SAHM and worrying about never had a career! However I am still young and have time to figure out what I want to do (as do you!)

CaptSkippy · 16/06/2022 09:41

ToppTotty · 16/06/2022 08:25

But these people are extrteme outliers and have been training/"working" since they were very little. Many of them barely had a childhood. On strict diet, always training, hardly any time to see friends.

I think I bought into the myth that you can "be anything you want to be", which was a constant refrain when I was growing up. Young people should be encouraged to develop what they're good at. Yes I would have liked to be an Olympian (ridiculous, I was never good at any sports!) but I was actually good at other things.

Same. I was also taught that if you just put your mind to it you can do anything.
And I know I can do a lot, but I also know there is a lot I can't do. It's part of life to have to with with limitations. Part of the limitations we deal with are also pure luck, or sometimes bad luck.

I think we have at the same time more options than we think we do and fewer options than we think. Often times it's not easy to see what's possible and it's a bit of a mess getting to new opportunities.

pixie5121 · 16/06/2022 11:21

RenegadeMatron · 16/06/2022 00:49

But first, for the love of god find some adventure, because life isn't just about finding a relationship and reproducing. Its about finding things that make you go "wow". Doesn't have to be expensive, doesn't have to be a life changing event, doesn't have to see you jetting off around the world.

100 x this.

Don’t look at 25YO friends getting married and settling down, and think ‘if only’.

You have got decades and decades and decades and decades of setting down ahead of you. I cannot for the life of me understand why anyone wants to rush into this. You have forever - literally the rest of your life to live it. Do the fun stuff first.

Because she doesn't have decades and decades and decades to find a partner and have kids. I don't understand why this is so hard for people to accept. The easiest dating years for women are 20-30. If she wants to have kids, this is the best possible time to find a decent man, have a few years to get to know each other and then start the house/marriage/kids stuff at 30ish. It's not that it's impossible later, it's that it's a hell of a lot harder.

toooldtocarewhoknows · 16/06/2022 11:36

I'm turning 55!

You are younger today that you will ever be again. Let that sink in. Then go out and enjoy your youth!

newtb · 16/06/2022 11:47

Oh dear, staring at being nearer 70 than 60. 25? can't remember it.

AnuSTart · 16/06/2022 16:40

When I was 25 I was a single mother with no qualifications, living in a council flat in a high rise on a terrible estate, having escaped an abusive relationship.

I'm now nearly 48, earn 6 figures, have 2 degrees, a partner who loves me and have traveled the world.

Do not worry.

babyjellyfish · 17/06/2022 06:19

Pansiesandtulips · 15/06/2022 23:22

Thank you all. I think it’s because I see people I went to school with in long term relationship or announcing on social media that they are engaged or have a bought a house. I rent at the moment. I feel like everybody is settling down and I have no idea where my life is going!

Honestly I can't think of anything more boring to be doing at 25 when the world is your oyster!

When I was 25 I was travelling and hadn't started my career yet.

frenchie4002 · 17/06/2022 06:50

I’m 25 too OP - it’s a weird time. Some of my friends have young babies, some are engaged/buying houses, some are still studying, some are travelling. Really it’s about doing what makes you happy - there’s no set timeline. Personally, I travelled a lot before buying a house and would recommend that to anyone: live your life with no ties before strict saving and then signing up to a 30 year mortgage! More practically, tips for work/general happiness;


  • speak to a recruiter or career advisor. Research roles you might like to do and how you could get there. Some jobs you’ll be surprised you won’t even need to retrain for, just perhaps start a lower level

  • consider a plan for the next year with a main goal. What do you want to achieve? Save X amount of money? Visit a new place? Sign up to a new course?

  • less time on social media and more time finding hobbies/interests - films? Books? Writing? Yoga? Pottery?

  • try to eat well, spend time with people you care about and get out into the sunshine. All these things help me when I’m feeling a bit low.


Take care of yourself.

DangerouslyBored · 17/06/2022 07:11

I can’t think of anything worse than being ‘settled down’ at 25. See the world, have a lot of fun, don’t get bogged down in mortgages and kids. You have plenty of time to do that. I’m 47, I got married at 42, then bought a house, dogs and now I’m pregnant. The years leading up to this from 25 were spent travelling, living overseas, making lifelong friendships, partying, having the most amazing time. I did manage to build a career that I love too during this time but what I’m saying is, 25 is way too young for kids, mortgages and serious relationships. Now is the the time for adventure and getting to know, and like, yourself. Then you can think about settling down…

5thHelena · 18/06/2022 07:43

FirewomanSam · 16/06/2022 07:07

I get it OP! I felt ‘older’ at 25 than I do now at 37. You’ve just had all your milestone birthdays in quick succession (16, 18, 21) and now the next big one is 30. You’ve finished school and maybe uni or college, started your first job and now you’re just staring decades and decades of your working life ahead of you thinking ‘is this it?’ Meanwhile some of your friends are doing Very Grownup Things like getting engaged and getting dogs and having babies and buying houses. It’s overwhelming!

While being in your 30s is hard in a different way, I think you do develop this gradual realisation that life isn’t linear and nobody is ‘finished’. At your age I was in a good, steady career and a long-term relationship. I’m not in either of them now because they were both making me miserable but I guess if you were one of my friends then you might be looking at me thinking ‘wow she’s got it all together, I’m so jealous’.

People in good careers get made redundant all the time, or decide to retrain and start from scratch for whatever reason. Several of my friends who got engaged and married young are now divorced. Eventually you’ll come to realise that life isn’t a game where you ‘win’ by completing all the right milestones, it’s a long and complicated journey where you’re sometimes up and sometimes down.

You have SO MUCH ahead of you and that’s both scary and exciting but I absolutely promise you don’t need to worry about having everything worked out at 25.

I really hope OP reads this over and over until it sinks in. One of the best/most useful/most heartwarming posts I've ever read on here Smile

FirewomanSam · 18/06/2022 08:10

@5thHelena Aww, shucks ☺️ Not often that you get nice feedback on a post like that here!

Imissmoominmama · 18/06/2022 08:16

Honestly- you’ve only just begun, and you’ve already learnt so much about what not to do!!

I’m 56 and to you I’d look ancient, but I have a brilliant, active life, with lovely friends. I hike, wild swim, paddleboard, kayak. I’ve realised what’s important, and it’s not status; it’s health, happiness and freedom.

Be kind to yourself- I think it gets easier as you get older!!

And yes, comparison IS the thief of joy.

romany4 · 18/06/2022 09:14

My youngest child is 25 in 2 weeks..I'm 50.
You have years ahead of you to change your life
Stop worrying

prettytoes · 18/06/2022 09:27

Lots of good advice here. You have a whole wonderful life ahead of you and a relationship is not necessarily the key to happiness.
I broke off a terrible relationship when I was 25, really worried I was never going to find someone but knowing it was the right thing to do. I consoled myself that I was 'only 25'. Which meant that when I turned 26 and nothing had changed I got really depressed because I wasn't 'only 25' anymore !
Took me another year to pick myself properly, at 27 I changed jobs and cities and really rediscovered myself. Met my now husband at 30, we have three young adult children and I am working in a much more interesting job than I could have imagined at 25.
So I totally understand your feelings and encourage you to find what makes you happy and fulfilled. Friends and relationships will come along as you trust yourself to make good decisions for you.

ThinkingaboutLangClegosaurus · 18/06/2022 09:27

Marvellousmadness · 15/06/2022 23:20

Ok op. Stop!
Breathe.
You have made some bad decisions. You have learned from them.
Start looking for a job you like. A job you love even. And you dont need a man to complete your life.
First find happiness within your. Go read books about what happiness could mean for you. What a healthy relationship looks like. What red flags in a man are. And then when you have learned and re-evaluate and you are happy. Then and only then you could see if a man is needed to make your life better

I laughed at first when I saw your message cuz I am about to turn 40 and 25 feels like a baby to me. But you aren't a baby. You are a grown woman who hasn't found her feet yet. But. If you put in the work:you'll get there. Know what you are worth and don't accept anything less.

Good advice. I’d add Give your self a break and enjoy the things that get harder to do when you’re older: adventurous travel, physically demanding sports or hobbies, late-night dancing etc. Find some fun!

Blinkingheckythump · 18/06/2022 09:32

You're still sooooo young!! Honestly you really don't need to feel sad. Comparison is the thief of joy! Decide what you want in life (if you don't know yet don't panic) and set goals to get there. But enjoy your life, don't spend your youth looking at others being miserable about your lot. Oh and I think we all felt like that at bigger birthdays so you're not alone

CooooCoooo · 18/06/2022 09:50

I went through this and could have wrote your post word for word. It suddenly dawned on me that life really was going by so quickly and I hadn't done anything I'd wanted to. I'd been alive for a quarter of my life and had nothing to show for it. It was definitely a quarter life crisis. I didn't get over it but it did give me the kick up the bum I needed to start living and accomplishing things I'd always wanted to do. I've just turned 30 and was much happier about that. So much so that I'm actually looking forward to the next milestone.

TheViscountessBridgerton · 18/06/2022 09:55

It's only been a decade since you completed your childhood vaccination programme.

Seriously.

You've got time. Hardly anybody knows what they want to do with their life at your age, and you're not part of a generation that buys houses easily.

Do you have a lot of debt?

georgarina · 18/06/2022 10:08

At 25 I had no job, no relationship, and was recovering from severe postviral fatigue that lasted 2 years.

That year I started therapy, went on a training course, got the job I'd always dreamed of, met someone and had DC.

Things change quickly at this sort of age. Keep your head up and have faith.

Softplayhooray · 20/11/2022 13:08

Jesus OP Im almost double your age so if you're past it, God help me 😄

The thing is, you're 25, no kids, not stuck in a bad marriage...the world is your oyster even if it doesn't feel like it. Change things, take risks, move somewhere else, whatever you want to do while you can. You have major youth on your side - grab it with both hands and embrace it.

SherbetDips · 20/11/2022 13:10

😂 I’m turning 38 next year! Talk to me then

PorridgewithQuark · 20/11/2022 13:15

This is a zombie thread probably accidentally reactivated by the stupid suggestions which some algorithm is producing atm. @mnhq this is really messing active threads up as so many are older than this one (from June).