To feel somewhat sad about turning 25 this year

[Pansiesandtulips]

Hi all

I am turning 25 this year and I feel somewhat sad about it. It’s not so much the age but more the fact I don’t feel I have accomplished much in my life. I’m not in a career that I enjoy and I’m still not sure what I want to do for a career. I’m single and unfortunately have terrible experiences in past relationships. I wasted my late teens in an abusive relationship and early twenties being treat like a door mat by every guy I met. I have never been in a happy, committed relationship and feel like it’s too late to find one.

I just feel like my life has no direction and at 25 I’m worried I’m past it. I still have terrible self esteem and self doubt. I still worry what other people think of me. I still overthink everything too.

Posted too soon!

FS op! 25 is hardly any age at all. I am only 30 and still feel like im waiting for my grown up to come back and supervise me.

You will be ok, you have plenty of time to figure things out.

Why dont you set some goals for the year and try and accomplish small steps at a time towards your bigger goals?
Best of luck!

There is nothing any of us can to change our past. Literally nothing. What you can do today though is start working on thing that'll help future you. What would you like to be different by next year, by 30, by 50 etc and work on steps towards those goals? Do you keep a diary? Some sort of life to do list might help, if you put some ideas on paper and get them out of your head. Every time you think of a career you might be keen on, put it on the list and dedicate time to looking into how it might be achievable. Want to own a house one day, then another action plan - look at how much needs saving, government schemes etc. Want a relationship, then find the app etc that works best for you
There isn't a way of saying you're so young without sounding like a patronising old lady, but you are SO young. Your life will change enormously in the next 5 years, let alone beyond that. Visualise 18 to 80 on a race track - you're barely out of the starting blocks. You hopefully have a long, full and exciting life ahead of you, so focus on the 50+ years of adulthood ahead rather than the 5 or so that have passed.

25 is still really young!

I was an absolute disaster of a person at 25. In debt, renting, a number of rubbish relationships, no career and spending a fair bit of time narrowly avoiding being sectioned.

Best part of 15 years later I have a lovely DH and DCs, a degree, a good job where I've progressed, a house (that the bank still mostly own but the mortgage is mine!), debts are paid and credit history is clear and I'm generally content and stable. Which is an absolute dream 25 year old me couldn't imagine.

There have been a million ups and downs in that time and I'm sure a million more yet to come.

One of the few things in life you can guarantee is that things will change. The people I went to school with are such a mix, some single, some divorced, some with teens, some just getting married or having children now. Some have travelled the world and some have fabulous jobs, some have never left our home town. The paths they've taken don't seem to correspond to their happiness though.

Please don't feel sad about the things you haven't done yet, look forward to all the things you might do!

I just feel like my life has no direction and at 25 I’m worried I’m past it

You're just getting started.

I was married at your age.
And divorced before I was 30.
Don't think the people who are married have it all sorted. Some do, some don't

Yes you are over the hill now. If you haven't achieved success by 25 you'll never make it. You're clear out of time to find the love of your life and really with your looks its all downhill after 17. 🤔

Ok. You’re 20. Honestly just be 20 and be happy. What does the new 20 year old you want to do with her life?

Quarter of a century. Makes a girl think…

If it’s good enough for Sugar to have a quarter life crisis, it’s good enough for any of us.

I very clearly remember feeling a bit adrift at 25.

The good news OP, is that you sound entirely, boringly, mundanely normal.

You have your whole life ahead of you - believe me.

Lots and lots and lots of time to make decisions, choices and forge pathways.

I had a moment like this when I turned 26, having just traveled the world by myself at 25.

At 28, I upped sticks and move to the Caribbean on a whim, and I'm still here nearly 15 years later. Married, 2 kids, home, excellent career.

The worst thing you can do is expect your life to go a certain way because that's what everyone else is doing. Do what "you" want to do and work to make that happen.

There are so many, many years left to find a relationship or have babies.

But first, for the love of god find some adventure, because life isn't just about finding a relationship and reproducing. Its about finding things that make you go "wow". Doesn't have to be expensive, doesn't have to be a life changing event, doesn't have to see you jetting off around the world.

The smallest things can make you see life in a different way, and can start the spark of joy that life is about.

Life is only passing you by because you're not looking in the right places.

I don't know why people are being so mean.

There actually isn't that much time to get your life together. We're bombarded with messages that we should have kids by 35, which if you want 2-3 means starting at 31 or 32 at the latest. So if you're 25 and single, that's just a few years to meet a partner and be serious enough that you want to settle down with them and have a family. In order to do that, you need a decent job, so all this time you also need to be working on that, and if there happens to be a recession like there will be now, and like there was when I was 25, this will feel really hopeless.

I think the 20s are absolutely brutal for women today. I found them horrendous. I was trying to figure myself out and what I wanted while desperately trying to scrabble a career together in a shit financial situation and worry about how on earth I was going to afford a house and kids in a few short years. And this is also the time you're meant to be enjoying yourself and going to festivals and getting drunk all the time. How can you have fun with all these different pressures and stresses?

I basically just opted out of the whole Life Script and decided to do what would make me happy in the short term. I felt miserable in London, so I left. Spent months travelling the world, scraping together a living with odd jobs and meeting all sorts of interesting people. Some have told me the reason I'm single now at 37 is that I did that, but is it really? I know loads of women here who have been dating in London unsuccessfully for years. I could have spent all that time desperately trying to find a husband on dating apps and still got nowhere. I guess what I'm trying to say is...think about what YOU want, not what other people expect from you, and do that.

But first, for the love of god find some adventure, because life isn't just about finding a relationship and reproducing. Its about finding things that make you go "wow". Doesn't have to be expensive, doesn't have to be a life changing event, doesn't have to see you jetting off around the world.

100 x this.

Don’t look at 25YO friends getting married and settling down, and think ‘if only’.

You have got decades and decades and decades and decades of setting down ahead of you. I cannot for the life of me understand why anyone wants to rush into this. You have forever - literally the rest of your life to live it. Do the fun stuff first.

Ok, so I joined just to comment. I’ve been there, I get it. Let me tell you: if anything you have the world at your feet. I didn’t have a proper career start until I was about your age, I kind of fell into it when a recruiter found my cv and rang me up. I had lots of I’ll advised and badly ending relationships. I went a bit in all directions and didn’t know where I was going. But I learned so much about myself, learned my boundaries, learned what matters to me and what doesn’t, and that pays off in the end. Your friends might be hitched now, they might think they know what they’re doing but chances are, later on they will be miserable and want to change and either feel trapped or make amends when it’s a lot harder.
I found a career I was good at when I was already older than my peers, but I caught up in the end - employers liked that I wasn’t with the fairies so much and moving up the ladder happened a lot quicker. I was single for a good amount of time, explored what I wanted and who I wanted and found a person that matched that and were so happy. If I was with the same guy I was with 20 years ago, I’d be miserable. Don’t compare yourself to others, find yourself, enjoy yourself and be kind to yourself. 25 is a great age to explore who you are and what you want.

I get it. When I was that age I was a single parent, my dp had cheated on me a couple years before and we had planned to get married when I was 25. I had no career altho I went to college, I was very down as everyone else’s lives seemed to fall in place.

however if I could go back I wouldn’t dwell on that and I would be more active in trying to change things. I spent too much time feeling down about my life and I lost all that time.

so you’re young, I’m 50 now and i would do anything to go back to being 25 and having another chance to make the life I wanted.

Stares in 'was 64 last week'.

@Pansiesandtulips at your age. I was just splitting with my sons dad.
Was working whilst he sat doing nothing. Had spent years trying to get my son diagnosed.

One of the things I did was write a list of achievable goals.

For me it was, learn to drive get fit study and get into different role.

I did it. On my own with a disabled child.

I am now 40 which did not bother me turning but 26 did for some reason.

Sent out what you want /need and work to them. You will do it.

Don’t worry. Your friends are getting married but in other social circles it would be in 5-10 years time.

figure out what you want to change and just try things.

Focus on the good things in your life for now, age isn’t a factor in happiness. You are so young, stop worrying & enjoy your special day 🎂

25 is no age at all. I’m 45 and life has passed by fast. At 25 I’d just started my career. Use the time now to look for jobs. What kind of career do you want? I’m a civil servant and recommend it to anyone. Lots of opportunity to develop and climb the ladder but with a lot of flexibility and respect for life outside of work. Lots of opportunities at the moment to join

You're 25, so if you work to 65 that's still 40 (40!!) years of work. I suggest stop worrying about it being "too late" and focus on what you'd like to do for the next 40 (!!!) Years of work you have ahead of you. If you live to 90 that's 65 more years of living! Life is NOT EVEN CLOSE to being over for you, it's literally not too late to do anything. The best thing you can do for yourself right now is to nip that age-worrying mindset in the bud and start just enjoying your life and moving forward. Good luck (from a 37-year-old who still doesn't know "what I want to do when I grow up")

Pretty sure I wrote the same here when I was 25. Honestly this is what makes up life. You just have to live your life and plod on and all the experiences you have will lead you somewhere. It’s unnerving not knowing where though. I’m still not sure where I’m headed but I’ve got to the point that I can see all the experiences I’m having will culminate in something. Keep saying yes to experiences and putting yourself out there!
I did chuckle at the ‘past it at 25’ but I remember feeling the same in my early 20s. But now I'm 32 and feel young again. Time is on your (and my!) side!

I started my degree at 30 and finally qualified as a teacher in my 40th year. I feel like I finally am doing what I want to do when I grow up!

OP at 25 I was single and had only been in dead end relationships, all my friends were in long term relationships and I was doing a job I'd just fallen into.

At the wrong side of 40, I'm happily married with two kids and have a very successful career following a career change. Some of my friends are with the same partners, most aren't.

I so often wish I could tell my 25 year old self 'don't worry it will happen'. You're still working out who you are and what you want at 25. A previous poster is right - if you're not happy with your life you do need to work on it but at 25 and single (and presumably no kids as not mentioned) you only have yourself to worry about, so go do it!

Looking at it now, so many of my friends didn't meet the person they're with now until 30+. In fact I was amongst the first to have kids in my friendship group in the end. You must definitely have time for all that.

Your feelings are valid but not correct!! 25 is not old and lots of people feel like you do. The fact you feel as you do says you are motivated and honestly you are not an underachiever! I am 35 this week and remember feeling worried I hadn’t done enough. The answer is to get up and go! Happy birthday Xox

I'm 51 and can honestly say 20s were the worst time .. I'm so much happier now. It gets better - you learn more about yourself which makes relationships, friendships and jobs more enjoyable and longer term . I met my DH when we were 28 which was perfect because I he stopped trying to please everyone else and know who I wanted to be with .. spend time getting to know yourself- the best is yet to come

I was coming on to say similar. I'm 42 and about 75% of people who i know that got married in their 20s are now separated. People who had the perfect jobs lost them thanks to Covid.

Also don't believe social media. I know a 'perfect' couple who post all the happy smiles on SM. You don't see the negatives in their relationship/lives on there. They don't post anything about their ASD son for a start. A lot of people on SM post for external validation.

Lastly, I know too many people who died in their late 30s/early 40s to cancer. Which is no age at all. You have time OP. You don't need to have your whole life mapped out. Most people my age don't, even most people who are my parents age don't!