To feel somewhat sad about turning 25 this year

[Pansiesandtulips]

Hi all

I am turning 25 this year and I feel somewhat sad about it. It’s not so much the age but more the fact I don’t feel I have accomplished much in my life. I’m not in a career that I enjoy and I’m still not sure what I want to do for a career. I’m single and unfortunately have terrible experiences in past relationships. I wasted my late teens in an abusive relationship and early twenties being treat like a door mat by every guy I met. I have never been in a happy, committed relationship and feel like it’s too late to find one.

I just feel like my life has no direction and at 25 I’m worried I’m past it. I still have terrible self esteem and self doubt. I still worry what other people think of me. I still overthink everything too.

All the things that you are unhappy about can be changed. By you. Make a plan and go for it.

Plenty of people don't find what they love or make meaningful changes till over a decade after 25. It's understandable to feel like this at a big landmark, but after allowing yourself to time to dwell on it and reflect, you need to shift focus on what you're going to do about it. Only you can change this. What's great is that you realise not

🤣🤣

I had no idea either what I was going to do at 25! You've plenty of time. I only met my DH at 34, had a child at 38 and found my dream career (worlds away from what I'd been doing for work) at 40!

I think there is a lot of pressure on young people (well any age) to have this great life on social media. Most of it is fake. If you have it try to stay of snap chat, Instagram, TikTok etc. You may have 2/3 new lives yet.

It took me a while to find my feet and I was feeling lost at 25. I joined a dating agency at 27 (pre-online dating!) as I felt I needed to do something about having been drifting, met my boyfriend, got married 4 years later and 2 DCs then came along. Job wise I drifted through some pretty rubbish, stressful hobs and was then lucky enough to land a good at 31, which I've been in ever since. Now 51. But at 25, I was lost. But you do need to take the initiative with your life - don't just drift, it is down to you to make things happen

Argh press send too soon.

*not not

The great thing is you've realised you're dissatisfied with the current set up whilst you're young and free enough to only focus on yourself to make those changes.

I wouldn't worry about what other people are doing though. They'll all have problems you're not seeing. If you're looking to make changes not having a mortgage could well be a blessing. You're much freer to relocate, change jobs and won't be hit by sudden massive expenses (which seems to happen to a lot of my friends who get on the property ladder, or a spouse/ off spring to consider. House / spouse/ kids are all milestones that do make people without, especially with social media hammering it home. This is your time to what you want you to become inviting those things into your life.

Well done for clocking you're not a path that fulfils you. It's time to consider what are you going to do about it?

I get it OP! I felt ‘older’ at 25 than I do now at 37. You’ve just had all your milestone birthdays in quick succession (16, 18, 21) and now the next big one is 30. You’ve finished school and maybe uni or college, started your first job and now you’re just staring decades and decades of your working life ahead of you thinking ‘is this it?’ Meanwhile some of your friends are doing Very Grownup Things like getting engaged and getting dogs and having babies and buying houses. It’s overwhelming!

While being in your 30s is hard in a different way, I think you do develop this gradual realisation that life isn’t linear and nobody is ‘finished’. At your age I was in a good, steady career and a long-term relationship. I’m not in either of them now because they were both making me miserable but I guess if you were one of my friends then you might be looking at me thinking ‘wow she’s got it all together, I’m so jealous’.

People in good careers get made redundant all the time, or decide to retrain and start from scratch for whatever reason. Several of my friends who got engaged and married young are now divorced. Eventually you’ll come to realise that life isn’t a game where you ‘win’ by completing all the right milestones, it’s a long and complicated journey where you’re sometimes up and sometimes down.

You have SO MUCH ahead of you and that’s both scary and exciting but I absolutely promise you don’t need to worry about having everything worked out at 25.

Mid twenties are incredibly hard, ignore the sarcastic comments! There is a reason so many people have substance abuse and mental health problems during this period. When you’re a teenager you assume by your twenties everything will have fallen into place, and there can be a real sense of panic if not. But it’s true there is so much time to make changes. You have around 40 years of working, plenty of time to start a new career and think about what job you want.

At 25 I was not in a relationship. Had also had a pretty unhealthy one in my late teens where I to was treated with little respect.
At 29 I had married my first husband.
At 30 I had my first child. 32 my second and 38 my third. Started my career at 32. (Fell into something accidentally that I love. Didn't need qualifications as such instead I have worked my way up. )
Divorced at 43 and remarried at 45. To the love of my life. At 57 I began a degree at the OPEN university. In preparation for retirement at 60. Then he and I will go travelling around the world for 2 years. I feel another of lifes chapters is just about to begin .. I am 59.

At 25 I had achieved very little and all of my big life milestones happened a few years later. Your twenties are for having fun, enjoying your independence and above all TAKING OPPORTUNITIES before you get bogged down with responsibility. !

You're still living and learning - we all are! Nothing has passed you by and there is still time.

I used to feel the same way, every birthday all through my 20s and the first years of my 30s. I think it's a difficult time, a bit paradoxical - you're still young but no longer a child, there's a societal expectation of having fun but also of being 'on track'.

PPs are spot on with their observations that getting married isn't the happy ending you might think, neither is having the perfect career. Things change, but the best bit about getting older, is understanding yourself better, gaining confidence in who you are, understanding your motivations, what really makes you happy and understanding that these can also change.

I'm in my 40s now and never get the birthday blues. I'm happy myself, generally content with life and blessed to be healthy and still here because some of my peers are not.

@Pansiesandtulips also remember that you have walked away from abusive relationships ok.

You have your boundaries in place. That is not an easy thing to do. You are going to feel emotions from that.

But I bet them abusive relationships put you down told you that you will never achieve things made you feel like crap.... Guess what that internal thinking is not true. Its from abusive partners who have issues only they can fix ( and most never do).

I know it's not much but just try to think... You are free to be you. Can do what you please. Wear what you want. Stay up late. See people who you want to. Dress how you want.

Be proud of yourself, you gave yourself the biggest give by ending abuse and walking away. The gift of loving yourself.

That's a bloody hard thing to do.

Take care xx

Good grief, OP! At 25 you have barely started life. What could you possibly have accomplished at this age? Most people are just a few years out of college and in there first fulltime job, sometimes second.

That said, I made some major changes to my life at 25, but this was due to the financial crisis. I was ready for new challenges and still had few commitments, so I had plenty of room to maneuver.

If you don't like your job, it's time to look around. It's still a buyers' market for employees at the moment, so it's the perfect time for you to make a change.

At 25 you still have time to achieve your potential. What are you good at and which career(s) would your skills be suited to? Is education an option?

Thank you. Lots of really helpful advice here. I suppose I just feel like I want more out of life but it’s up to me to make the changes!

Good grief, OP! At 25 you have barely started life. What could you possibly have accomplished at this age?

I can understand how OP feels. I felt old and washed up at 21! I looked at people younger than me who were achieving great things (Olympians, pop stars etc) and felt I had wasted my "youth". I didn't think there was anything worthwhile that I was good at. I was wrong, but it took me another 10 years to realise it.

What an excellent post!

Definitely one foot in the grave at 25 OP 🙄

But these people are extrteme outliers and have been training/"working" since they were very little. Many of them barely had a childhood. On strict diet, always training, hardly any time to see friends.

Obviously I am generalizing, but I am glad I had my relatively carefree child years to just hang about in the summer and do fuck all. I miss those times.

I remember 20 and 25 feeling like big milestones too. The good news is the years after 25 have been lovely, there's still lots to look forwards to. I've really enjoyed the lower expectations for constant socialising, having a bit more money to spend how I want to, and feeling a bit more settled in who I am. Maybe you could work out what bits you are feeling unsettled by and do something about them one by one? The next big one is 30 so plenty of time to tick off a few boxes by then.

Really well done on recognising abusive relationships at such a young age. Took me at least another couple of decades.

Oh hon of course you haven't done much yet you're just starting out! Let's talk in 20 years. At your age I was exactly the same, working in a dead end job, crap relationships etc. Now I am 20 years older than you, I started training for a new career at 26. I'm now quite a senior professional, own home, married, kids etc and feel I've done quite well really but I had no idea all this was yet to come when I was 25. Hang in there, it gets better and your best years are still ahead of you I promise xx

I only started my career at your age, so you’re definitely not too late to find something to do.

It sounds like it’s time for you to make a plan though, and start working towards it.

I still have terrible self esteem and self doubt. I still worry what other people think of me. I still overthink everything too.

There: you've asked and answered yourself. Give up looking for a relationship until you've sorted your self-esteem and over-thinking out. Learn to live happily alone as an adult. Once you've achieved that you'll be much better placed to decide who you want to have a relationship with. Stop worrying what people think and become an individual. This is difficult and will probably take you years, but it's. work in progress.

Loads of people are and always have struggled to work out what to do for work/ career. How about consulting a careers advisor (you may have to pay) who will help you work out what you enjoy and what you're good at? Getting up every day and feeling positive about work is a blessing.

You're only 25. Your brain has only just fully developed. You are very likely to live to 90+. You are a citizen of one of the better countries in the world to have been born into. You have Mumsnet. It's a beautiful day. You have a lot to celebrate. Happy birthday.

But these people are extrteme outliers and have been training/"working" since they were very little. Many of them barely had a childhood. On strict diet, always training, hardly any time to see friends.

I think I bought into the myth that you can "be anything you want to be", which was a constant refrain when I was growing up. Young people should be encouraged to develop what they're good at. Yes I would have liked to be an Olympian (ridiculous, I was never good at any sports!) but I was actually good at other things.