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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

What would you make of this message?

410 replies

Glittersparkle76 · 15/06/2022 07:24

My partner and I have been together on and off for nearly 10 years and we have a 9 year old daughter.He works away in hospitality and comes back to me and my daughter when he gets days off.I woke during the early hours and found this message he had sent,all lovely until I read the part when he said he had loved others more!,I thought WTAF??,why would you even need to say that to me?,are some things best left unsaid??.He's meant to be coming back late tonight for 3 days but now I feel like telling him to fuck off and don't bother!.Am I overreacting to this message?,I feel like I'm second,third or even fourth best now and don't think I will ever be able to get that comment out of my head.
Even if I felt in my past I had loved others more than I do him,I would never say that to him as I don't feel it needs to be said!.
I would love others opinions on this and how they would feel if their partner sent them this message.

What would you make of this message?
OP posts:
Thread gallery
6
Overthebow · 15/06/2022 08:01

Awful message. He’s not committed to you and he sounds like he’s 13 with that language and childish emojis.

ChairPose9to5 · 15/06/2022 08:04

What a load of incoherent waffle. It's supposed to be deep and meaningful I think but omg, I was going to say text back ''mixed messages are not for me'' but then I read it's your partner of 9 years!

I would just love yourself now. Invest your time and energy and money in to separating and building your own life.

catculture · 15/06/2022 08:07

Basically, he's saying he's ended up with you so he's decided to make the best if it. You are his favourite of the women he's actually been with. You lucky woman! However, there are other women he would have rather had, but they didn't want him!

Is this what they mean by 'negging' - ie. complimenting you in a way designed to make you insecure?

He sounds like a half-wit, to be honest. Couldn't be doing with that.

Pandapop101 · 15/06/2022 08:11

is this message actually meant for you?

YesitsJacqueline · 15/06/2022 08:11

Hes gearing up to leave you

ChairPose9to5 · 15/06/2022 08:11

And this came not in response to anything? You weren't asking him about his previous GFs or anything, you just woke up to that rambling?

I suppose he could be trying to say that he chased after people who weren't interested in his past but now understands that that wasn't love. Unrequited love over and over again is an attachment wound really. It would be possible to gain insight on that as you grow up. I DID.

But I understand it was not love. I feel ok, I'm not approaching things with the same unhealed wound now. Not ''I've loved others more''.

Or was he in a relationship with these others?

I'd try to figure out what questions you have and asked them really really calmly so that you get answers. Hide your upset until after you have your answers.

LemonMuffins · 15/06/2022 08:11

Very odd message that would have me wondering if he's been in contact with his unrequited and it's sent him funny. I don't see why you'd send that to a partner you actually liked Confused

When you say he works away, in what capacity? On a yacht/cruise ship?

The emojis would also make me stabby...

Namechangehereandnow · 15/06/2022 08:13

None of that is romantic and lovely! All he’s done is put you down in every sentence!

HaveringWavering · 15/06/2022 08:15

What are all the pointy fingers for?!

Namechangehereandnow · 15/06/2022 08:15

Also don’t understand how you thought it was lovely until you read he had loved others more - 5 words in and there’s red flags for me!

Alwayswonderedwhy · 15/06/2022 08:15

Cringe. What's with the finger emoji's and lips. The whole thing is weird.

AllAloneInThisHouse · 15/06/2022 08:16

Everything about that was weird?

was the ’i love, wish you were her so i can show you’ just him wanting to have sex with you?

(In my experience when men say something like that, they just want to stick their dicks in you)

Was he high/very drunk?
It just so strangle message, even without the ’others’?

BoobsOnTheMoon · 15/06/2022 08:17

He sounds fucking awful. Thick as mince and with the emotional range of a teaspoon. What the fuck is he even on about??

If that message was meant for you then tbh I'd be looking at leaving him, because it's just plain rude to say those things.

But...are you sure it was meant for you?

Claudiawinklemansfringe · 15/06/2022 08:20

Have to agree with other posters. I think he was drunk when he wrote it and is trying badly to say that he now only wants to be with you, despite having had stronger feelings for other people. He probably thinks it's a declaration of his undying devotion to you. Don't think so. So also like other posters, I would dump his sorry arse too as who wants to be his second place 'consolation prize'? Flowers for you x

ChagSameachDoreen · 15/06/2022 08:20

He sounds like an absolute cringe-meister. I wouldn't be able to take anyone seriously who wrote such dross. Sounds like he's a 15-year-old in an emo band. Pathetic.

cdba88 · 15/06/2022 08:24

I'd leave him die to that message alone he sounds like an absolute weirdo

cdba88 · 15/06/2022 08:25

Due to!

Abi86 · 15/06/2022 08:25

What do I think?

I think your partner is a f…Ing moron.

AchatAVendre · 15/06/2022 08:27

What a dick. How can you put up with him? "coz" and lots of emojis - he texts like a schoolboy and has the emotional range of one.

The message just repeats the same thing over and over again. Usually when that amount of unnecessary detail is given, its to cover up a lie.

On and off for 10 years - isn't that really soul destroying and energy sapping? Is this man worth it?

Mangogogogo · 15/06/2022 08:28

Op I’m gunna be really honest here this is the kind of shit I used to blather on to my ex when I was younger when I just wasn’t in love with him anymore but I was terrified to outright say it and scared to hurt him. It makes me feel sick thinking back and I want to cry. I’m really sorry

Jakeyachey · 15/06/2022 08:30

He was clearly drunk. Ignore it.

LIZS · 15/06/2022 08:31

Is there or has there been someone else? It sounds like a drunken outburst but there may be something that triggered it.

BatshitBanshee · 15/06/2022 08:32

Ugh that whole message gave me the ick. The self indulgence and the emojis 😣

Easilystartled · 15/06/2022 08:33

I reckon he wrote it when he was drunk or having just woken up from a weird dream about one of his exs. Very odd message.

Time2Move · 15/06/2022 08:33

Thick as pig shit and barely literate.
I'd be leaving on those grounds before even getting to the actual content of the message (which obviously provides further evidence that you should run for the hills)