What would you make of this message?

[Glittersparkle76]

My partner and I have been together on and off for nearly 10 years and we have a 9 year old daughter.He works away in hospitality and comes back to me and my daughter when he gets days off.I woke during the early hours and found this message he had sent,all lovely until I read the part when he said he had loved others more!,I thought WTAF??,why would you even need to say that to me?,are some things best left unsaid??.He's meant to be coming back late tonight for 3 days but now I feel like telling him to fuck off and don't bother!.Am I overreacting to this message?,I feel like I'm second,third or even fourth best now and don't think I will ever be able to get that comment out of my head.
Even if I felt in my past I had loved others more than I do him,I would never say that to him as I don't feel it needs to be said!.
I would love others opinions on this and how they would feel if their partner sent them this message.

I'm not sure I’d want to be trapped in a caravan with someone with a 60 year old child.

I’ve changed my opinion having read more of his texts. I think he loves you very much but does seem a bit thick.

Are you sure it was meant for you ?

Is he on the spectrum? This isn't how someone with normal social skills communicates and it's a very odd and inappropriate thing to say.

Hi everyone,
Thankyou all for your replies!.I received a message asking me if I still want him to come back tonight to which my reply was "No,I do not".
I cannot get his comments out of my head and to think he said he loved someone more and was never actually with them is an even bigger smack in the face than if had actually been an ex!.
I will never be able to understand why he would need to share that information with me,drunk or not he must have had some inkling in his pickled brain that it would cut deep.For now I don't want to see,speak or even think about him,as far as I'm concerned at the moment he can just fuck off.I know he is now saying it wasn't love,just lust but he's going to say that isn't he?.
Once that bell has been rung it can never be unsung and I don't want to spend my time wondering if I'm good enough for him or if he's wishing I was the other person.I haven't a clue who she is/was and don't even care at this point.Its just made me see him in a totally new light and I really don't need this shit in my life,especially at this time.
Thankyou for all the condolences for my beautiful son,he was my best friend and I miss him so,so much.One thing his passing has taught me is that life is too short to spend it on things or people that don't bring sunshine into your life.
Thanks again everybody for your support and words of wisdom xxx

@Glittersparkle76

wishing you all the best for the future, and following this discovery, you’ll get some ‘glitter’ and ‘sparkle’ back into your life soon.

Glad you aren't falling for his crap.

Your son would be proud of you ❤️

very weird all round and he keeps saying right now i love you right now

ok what about next week

Late to the thread, I know, but fucking hell! He can't stop digging that hole even when you've tried to take the shovel away.

'Right now'? Someone he 'loved more' but 'never even spoke to'?! What, just a woman he vaguely knew and had the hots for and who's now apparently the unrequited love of his life? What an absolute tool. Not to mention the bad grammar and emojis - what is he, twelve?

I'm so very sorry about the loss of your lovely son, OP - and I can't believe this is what this fuckwit is throwing at you in the aftermath of that. Well done for sticking to your guns. You deserve better than this. Hope you're ok.

Sometimes it’s almost losing something to make you appreciate what you’ve got. He’s messed up definitely, but it could make you stronger if you really talk and thrash this out. He does sound repentant.
Thats not to say you shouldn’t have boundaries. Of course you should, but maybe he just really messed up with his words. Only by really having a proper face to face chat, can you work out what his true feelings are. Text exchanges are rubbish because they can really get misinterpreted.

Afrer having a serious conversation, if you still feel that you can’t get past this, then you’ll know that you’ve done all you can and you won’t be left with any regrets. You are still grieving. That’s bound to have affected your relationship. At least talk to him face to face and then make your decision. Don’t rely on mumsnetters who don’t actually know your relationship, to sway you into making a decision you may later regret. We all have past “what if?” relationships. His mistake may have been to verbalise it!

And so sorry about your beautiful ds. Can’t begin to imagine living with that grief.

That deserved a decisive response. What a stupid thing to say!! What good did he think would come of telling you at this stage that he had felt more in love with someone else years ago?! I've not read all the responses but I think he is stirring an argument. Nobody can be that obtuse as to come up with that out of nowhere, unmasked, and he is being very very slippery blaming you, deliberately missing your points and now dripping in the information that they have said hello from time to time. It feels like deliberate game playing to me.

You have your own home and your daughter and your dear son's memorial nearby. Don't go off to live in a caravan financially beholden to this oddball.

Not saying never speak to him again if that's not what you want but I would want to know exactly what he hoped to achieve by telling you outright that you're second best. You have not read this wrong or taken anything out of context, that is exactly what he has said.

Me too. Spouting this nonsense is off-putting.

I read the Right Now bit as him trying to say the past is the past (ie his feelings for others) & the most important thing is that he wants you - in the now.

Sorry you've been wasting your time with this man. Even sorrier to hear you lost your dear DS. It's good to see you have the resilience you need to move on to the next stage of your life. Good luck x

But why is he choosing to tell her that now, unprompted? Some things do not need saying.

I took it that his 1st msg was following on an earlier from a conversation /discussion tbh. And that he was drunk. Think he just sounds bit stupid but that he really loves OP!

@LicoricePizza OP said there'd been no previous related discussion earlier or anything.

I know but they’ve clearly been discussing him wanting her to be with him atm & their plans for the future etc.
I don’t know - I just think he messed up on a text but it’s not as bad as it sounds.
Dug himself a hole, too honest for own good, booze addled & a bit of a blunder. But not a bad man. From the text anyway! OP will know who he really is by now after 10yrs on & off.
Just my opinion - I know it’s contrary to the majority one though so 🤷‍♀️

But not a bad man. From the text anyway! OP will know who he really is by now after 10yrs on & off.

'On and off' says it all on top of all this.

Well if you read OP’s posts the “on & off” doesn’t sound like that’s down to him solely & if anything has been mutual

“We have been on and off for 10 years,(mostly on) as when we lived together we got into a bit of a rut I suppose with neither of us making the effort we should have.We had time apart and at one point both got into a year long relationship with someone else.We came back together 4 years ago and by this time he had a new job and was working away at a holiday complex so me and my daughter live alone,which is the way I prefer it.We both like it that way and it does work”

He does sound repentant.

What? Where?

I'm just gonna re-quote @lborgia:

Much as I would love to use my post to freak out about his grammar, or insensitivity, or ridiculous emojis, I'm WAY too bothered by the response to your distress and anger.

Dismissive
Flippant
Rude
Patronising
Gas-lighting

@KettrickenSmiled - your approval of my comments has cheered me up no end, thank you.

@Glittersparkle76 - your absolute conviction is very impressive. I do understand that life has shown you what really matters, and that is a huge driver, but to see it laid out on here has been pretty inspirational. You, and your daughter, deserve only supportive, positive people in your life.

Is he on drugs?

Horrific spelling and grammar and the entire l message is nonsensical

Not normal

Arseholian form?!! @BitOutOfPractice thats the funniest thing ive read in ages, will you marry me?!

@KittensWearingWoollyMittens I’d love to take credit for the angry clam but that originally came from another MNer. But it’s a brilliant phrase