What would you make of this message?

[Glittersparkle76]

My partner and I have been together on and off for nearly 10 years and we have a 9 year old daughter.He works away in hospitality and comes back to me and my daughter when he gets days off.I woke during the early hours and found this message he had sent,all lovely until I read the part when he said he had loved others more!,I thought WTAF??,why would you even need to say that to me?,are some things best left unsaid??.He's meant to be coming back late tonight for 3 days but now I feel like telling him to fuck off and don't bother!.Am I overreacting to this message?,I feel like I'm second,third or even fourth best now and don't think I will ever be able to get that comment out of my head.
Even if I felt in my past I had loved others more than I do him,I would never say that to him as I don't feel it needs to be said!.
I would love others opinions on this and how they would feel if their partner sent them this message.

Sounds like he cheated and feels bad and is trying to persuade himself or something.

On and off for 10 years doesn't sound good anyway. You sure he's faithful and you're not just his 'base' family?

I'd be replying 'You're the best I've got right now too babe, but who knows what the future will bring eh ?'

Christ on a bike. If my bf sent me that, I'd bin him straight away based on his complete lack of ability to communicate in a normal way, and the shit things he was trying to say.

Him working and you a lady of leisure?

You're 'OK for now'?

WTF?? You deserve better.

I'm so sorry for the loss of your lovely boy. I'd want to stay in a house that had all my memories of him too.

An ex once said I was “the most beautiful girl he’d ever met” then added “in Bristol” which kind of took the shine off!

He's not the most articulate, or the sharpest tool in the shed. He lacks the literal or emotional intelligence to understand the difference between what should be shared, and what should remain in the privacy of his own head. He"s telling you he's settled for you after trying and failing to be with women he loved more, but that he's happy with it. Its not uncommon. A more astute man may have similar feelings but you'd never get to know. Now you know though, you can't unknown, can you?

“It’s definantly not a put down”.

Err, yes it is.

I concur from that message that he wants to be together with you more, and is reflecting on past relationships, and felt he was closer with previous partners. However, it is a weird message, and does also seem to say that you’re the one for him, at the moment, but it may not be a forever thing, yes to maybe longterm, but not forever.

Sorry for your loss. If you’re not ready to move, then don’t. I can fully understand how you still want to feel close to your son. You are still grieving for him and need to feel near to him.

He sounds like a lunatic.

Are you SURE he's anti-drugs? Because that reads as though he's spent the last few hours hoovering up the naughty salt.

OP, the stupid emojis would be a deal-breaker for me, never mind the crap message. Surely no 52 yr old uses emojis unless they are completely lacking somewhere up top?

Far more importantly than that, though, I am so very sorry about your son. I wouldn't want to move either in your situation.

Is English his first language because it's very awkwardly written?

He seems to have a flowery mind.

Don’t move if you don’t want to, especially not for this halfwit who thinks he can click his fingers via an emoji-laden word salad and you’ll come running out of flattery.

Just reading, let alone receiving, that message made my nethers slam shut like an angry clam.

Ah OP I'm so sorry for what happened to your son, I have children of a similar age and I can't even begin to imagine the pain of such a loss I can completely understand why you would not want to move away from your home and from your son's memorial.

I noticed you said you got back with this bloke 4 years ago, so this would have been after your son's diagnosis then, I wonder if it felt 'safer' in some way to have this man in your life, that it was another adult around when you were going through something so difficult, some support for all of you?

But now honestly I would think carefully about what if anything he's adding to your life. He sounds thick, in terms of actual and emotional intelligence, and honestly I think after everything you've been through, you deserve better. Don't waste any more years on someone not worthy of you who's going to send you texts like that.

Oh Glitter

Don't even think of uprooting yourself from your home, your memories, or your security for this thick git.

I read it and thought cringe and English clearly isn't his first language. However I see you've clarified that he is indeed British, therefore I think you need to ltb, he's obviously thick as mince ☝

Jesus wept.

I also think this is something he copied and pasted while drunk. Or else it's lyrics from some soppy daft teenage song? He needs to clarify. But goodness, it's, um, at best a could do better.

So sorry for your loss. Of course you want to stay close to your son and his memories.

Sorry for your loss OP.

Honestly, his age makes this so much worse.

Don’t throw yours and your daughters security away for this man.

OP, so so sorry about your son. What a loss.

Given everything you said in your update, definitely do not do anything at the moment to unsettle your dd, she has already seen you in and out of the relationship with her Dad, lost her brother, and absolutely best not to have her education disrupted - and you must be reeling, not a good time to make big life decisions. Your financial independence and home security are paramount.

You must know what you do get from this relationship so I wouldn't be going straight to LTB as some of these posts advise, on the basis of one disordered badly expressed message exchange.

But it may be a good moment to find time for an extended honest conversation about what you both want and need in life right now. In terms of a relationship, supporting your Dd and the next 8 years of her education, support through your grief and other factors.

Oh OP I'm sorry to hear about your son.

Is there no way he can get a job closer to you?

Maybe he was just being clumsy and tried to be nice if you had a big split for a while.

I do think he still sounds like he's on drugs tbh but I hope not

He writes like an 11-year-old girl. I wouldn't be able to sleep with him.

I read the 'right now' as in comparison with the past, not as keeping options open for the future.

Sounds like he had a big unrequited love in the past, and the fact it was unrequited means he didn't get any of the difficulties
or downsides of an LTR, so it could stay in his memory as perfect. You, on the other hand, are real and he wants only you.

I think he's expressed himself clumsily but I wouldn't LTB based on this alone.

I'm very sorry to read your post about your son.

May I ask have you replied to this message?

This is very good advice, OP. I'm so sorry about your son.

Even if he did copy and paste it from another site, that's bad enough.

People often say things when they're drunk which are true.

I'd also agree with the PP who said she'd said something like this when she wasn't in love with her SO/DP.

I don't get why he actually had to say this rather that STFU. Drunk texting is a bit strange. It almost sounds like has something to confess.

So sorry to hear about your son too

Has he got his eye on someone else?

He's told you you are not his 'miss right', simply his 'miss right now'

The way he says it’s not a put down to you, means that he’s aware that it is. And sent it anyway. You are not over reacting!