What would you make of this message?

[Glittersparkle76]

My partner and I have been together on and off for nearly 10 years and we have a 9 year old daughter.He works away in hospitality and comes back to me and my daughter when he gets days off.I woke during the early hours and found this message he had sent,all lovely until I read the part when he said he had loved others more!,I thought WTAF??,why would you even need to say that to me?,are some things best left unsaid??.He's meant to be coming back late tonight for 3 days but now I feel like telling him to fuck off and don't bother!.Am I overreacting to this message?,I feel like I'm second,third or even fourth best now and don't think I will ever be able to get that comment out of my head.
Even if I felt in my past I had loved others more than I do him,I would never say that to him as I don't feel it needs to be said!.
I would love others opinions on this and how they would feel if their partner sent them this message.

Why does he keep referring to a specific person and a specific situation like that’s going to make it better? It just makes it more and more obvious that he’s thinking about her.
it’s like he’s trying to rub it in. You didn’t even mention her
weird

His professions of love do come across as insincere (and thick.)

You're right, HappyCup. But I read it as the searing heat of youthful infatuation, which burns out, as opposed to a rock-steady adult love -- if I may mix the metaphors a bit. I just feel sad at someone trying clumsily to express a real, deep, lasting love and messing it up by accident.

I just feel sad at someone trying clumsily to express a real, deep, lasting love and messing it up by accident.

Oh come on! You have a bigger heart than my cynicism permits here ... who expresses real, deep & lasting love by negging their partner, then sealing the deal with a word salad of "honesty hurts" "definitely not a put down" "loved others more"?

If that's him expressing lurve to OP, he is too thick to be allowed.

Besides, he's not.
This relationship has been on/off for 10 years, OP feels it would not have continued bar their DD, they don't really live together, but what he's really after is her contribution to setting up the motor home fantasy.
That's obvious from the Future Faking: "I will work & you will be a lady of leisure" when 1) OP has expressly told him she won't sacrifice her independence or income & 2) he doesn't earn enough to 'keep' her.

He's a bullshitter.
OP - maybe this is your Cold Feet moment.
Maybe you never want to give up the home you raised your boy in, that you & DD share, & that you say you have a right to rent for as long as you wish ...?

I don't think I could have a relationship with someone who used so many emojis.

He was probably drunk 😂 I wouldn’t end a relationship over this !! The finger emojis are a bit cringe though !!

I didn’t really understand what he was trying to say at all, made no sense! Weird message!

I don't know why but I read all of his text message as a rap song

Sorry if I've misunderstood, I'm at work so just quickly read the updates, but is he really trying to say that the one person he loved more than anyone is someone he didn't even meet in real life? If so, how on earth does he expect you to feel with that revelation? 10 years and you can't matchbox to his idealised version of someone he's only said a couple of hello's to? The whole thing is crazy. I'm so sorry op, I can totally see why you're floored by this

OP, do you even want to spend your whole life in a motorhome once your Dd leaves home?

If she goes to Uni, they come home a lot in their long hols. It's years ahead, and i don't think you will be wanting to push her from the nest until she is well and truly wanting to go. Not after the tragic loss of your son.

What when you get properly old?

Do you want to grow old with him? Would that give you all you want out of your life, a deep contentment, an older age t look forward to?

@Justkeepon He managed to rhyme with the first couple of lines. 😄

He was high when he wrote that 10999099999/999988999^ %

Much as I would love to use my post to freak out about his grammar, or insensitivity, or ridiculous emojis, I'm WAY too bothered by the response to your distress and anger.

Dismissive
Flippant
Rude
Patronising
Gas-lighting

You think you only really got this far because of your child... and not because because he lives and works away most of the time?

I am so sorry about your son, I cannot even imagine how you make a decision to leave that house, but pretty sure it needs to be when you find yourself ready, not when someone else barrels in being enthusiastic about the luxury tourer. I'm sorry, it's really snobby to be anti caravans, and it's the reality for many people that this is their retirement, but honestly, I'd be much happier in one if it was by myself!

Not everyone needs their equal in a partner, but I can't help thinking your own company would be more stimulating than sharing 10 sq metres with this guy.

Dislike the way he keeps telling you to read the messages properly like he’s trying to gaslight you into questioning how you feel about what’s there in black and white. He’s no prince is he.

Also very sorry to hear about your son. Your feelings about leaving your home where he was are completely understandable xx

Well that looks to me like he saw it somewhere else and copied it without properly reading it. Almost sounds like he’s explaining a fling! It’s unintelligible (some of it anyway). Can you not say something like “I’m not sure what you’re trying to say here, perhaps I’m not reading it right” then talk about what he thinks he said? I would be a bit confused/suspicious as to motive/upset.

Much as I would love to use my post to freak out about his grammar, or insensitivity, or ridiculous emojis, I'm WAY too bothered by the response to your distress and anger.

Dismissive
Flippant
Rude
Patronising
Gas-lighting

Bloody well said @lborgia

@Blowthemandown Ooh I checked and we made the press. www.newsweek.com/man-awful-romantic-message-wife-mumsnet-1716090 But only some obscure page and no one could find it unless they searched a line of the text.

Hi OP

Firstly, I am so sorry to hear about your son. ❤💐

Secondly, I agree with everything you have said in your replies to him. He does seem he lacks emotional intelligence and the fact he is keeps using “right now” when professing his ‘love’ to you - absolutely suggests he okay for now, or until someone else comes along.

Drunk/tipsy or not, don’t stand for it. He also seems very dramatic. What is he like in person?

Do you actually want to spend your twilight years in a luxury caravan? We were looking at some the other day and I couldn’t envisage living in one permanently. Yes, nice for weekends and weeks away, but that’s it.

Somehow, his true love being a crush on someone makes it worse - a fantasy relationship, not a real one. Why did he mention her, and did you know about it? Was he trying to (clumsily) say he had moved in from her? When did he fancy her?

My goodness, contacted for comment, by Newsweek! Well I bet that's not what you expected.

I have to say, they make a better job of being fucking lazy than the Daily Fail. Quotes from academics and everything!!

I've got the ick from all those emojis.

@lborgia I wonder if they really contacted OP. I think she would've mentioned it if they had.

I think a really serious conversation is needed.

He loves you…’right now’ Geez, I’d feel so loved, not 🙄 Sounds to me like he may possibly have met someone and wanted to see your reaction to this note.