To have found his public groping humiliating?

[Gerty4221]

It has been about a week and a half since we last had sex (baby, work, tkredness) and he has been not so subtly making it obvious that he'd like to do it tonight, that in itself isn't an issue but he has just killed my sex drive stone dead.

The issue is him thinking it is in any way appropriate or acceptable to grope me between the legs as I'm stood outside the front door in broad daylight in full view of passing cars and people (we live on a busy city road) and I had a dress on.

I said "what on earth are you doing? That is humiliating, people can see everything"

He said "I'm not humiliating you" and I said "yes, you very much are"

He just walked off (he was on his way out) and didn't say anything else.

In his desperate-for-a-shag mind I have just rejected him, in my mind he has just humiliated me, and himself actually, in public.

Was I being unreasonable?

Is anybody here OK with something like that?

molesters should not be around kids, and should be divorced at the first opportunity.

This is how you feel and that's fine. But you're not speaking for every woman who has been sexually assaulted and the interpretation given here in the posts you so strenuously disagree with, is, in fact, correct.

It is sexual assault though, however heated your blustering to the contrary. I'm also a survivor of sexual assault (aren't most women?) and I don't find it in the least "disrespectful" that a man publicly grabbing his wife's crotch - having been repeatedly told that she does not consent to it - is described as such.

What is your "very clear definition" of sexual assault that doesn't include unwanted intimate touch where the woman has repeatedly told the man not to do it? I'd be very interested.

Nobody has said anything about written permission, or notice - just simple consent. Usually when people pepper their posts with hyperbole, italics and copious punctuation, it's because they know they're talking out of their arse.

Some people in relationships do like this behaviour and are fine with it and that's fine for them

not in public even though and I'm no prude but groping somebody in public view is tasteless and inappropriate.

Thanks Pickmeisha for the free legal advice! When did the law change?

This

@SlatsandFlaps

From Rape Crisis

What is sexual assault?

Sexual assault happens when someone touches another person in a sexual manner without their consent. Or when someone makes another person take part in a sexual activity with them without that person's consent. It includes unwanted kissing and sexual touching.

What happened to the OP is the very definition of sexual assault.

Yeah well, for me the term ‘groping’ has fairly negative connotations. Connotations of clumsy, painful, assaulting actions, rather than anything loving or fun.

In conjunction with the total disregard of the OP’s wishes when she’s told him she hates it, and doing it publicly which humiliated her, and then having those actions defended by a poster who ‘gropes’ her husband ‘all the time’, I stand by finding that rank.

It stopped being legal to rape and assault your wife years ago.

Why are there even 3% who think the op is being unreasonable? Or is it op's husband?

You should do what female Whippets do when sex~pested.. Snap your teeth and spiral around and around like a snapping Ninja!

Even female animals HATE to be sex pested. {Snapping Ninja in red striped coat..Sex pest in Blue}

Likely men who have tried it on and been given short shrift!

HopingForMyRainbowBaby Your experience is horrific, I'm sorry the person you should have been able to trust most treated you that way.

It looks like there have been a few deletions but from the comments it seems I missed:

Wouldn't bother me
I like it
It's not sexual assault if our intimate partner does it
He was horny because you hadn't had sex for a while and got carried away

If it doesn't bother you and/or you enjoy it then what has that got to do with this post?
OP was very clear she has asked her husband several times not to touch her in that way so she is bothered and does not like it.

She did not consent (see previous point) and it is therefore sexual assault. An intimate partner does not own your body to do with as they please just because you may have previously consented to sexual intimacy with them.

If not having sex for while turns you into a sex pest then your lack of control makes you a threat to women; please stay at home and have a wank. You do not become entitled to someone else's body because you are horny. Women do not exist for the sole purpose of worshipping your penis.

I understand it wouldn't be an issue for some people but I'd hope that for those of you who don't mind it at the moment, if you told your husband you no longer wanted him to do it, he'd listen.

Thank you all for your replies and votes on the poll. I think I'm going to show him this thread actually.

@HopingForMyRainbowBaby I'm so sorry for what that horrid piece of shit put you through. I hope he spends the rest of his life in abject misery, and I wish you nothing but complete happiness with your lovely DP ❤

Don't show him the thread. If he isn't listening to you why would he listen to us? It's only likely to make him very angry.

This is your space to think about things. It's not safe to share with him.

Ah you know what you're probably right. I won't bother.

If you think it might help, then please do show him the thread, OP. Sometimes they can get clarity by seeing how women truly think about it.

It's very wrong of him to do this to you.

I might be okay with it if it was done in an affectionate way behind closed doors but of course never in public. And this is your boundary and your relationship.

He doesn't seem to think what he is doing is an issue and he also doesn't seem to care that you're upset. Your husband not caring about your feelings is very questionable.

Never show abusers the thread. How can this still be suggested? The molester won’t listen to his wife’s repeated requests, stop trying to get victims to expose their small support area, ffs.

I'm with others in saying never show someone a thread. First off, they're going to be pissed off that you're 'airing dirty laundry' in 'public'. Secondly, a person starts a thread like this to complain or seek guidance about another person's negative behaviour so they don't appear 'to best advantage' in posts, which isn't to say that the thread is not an accurate depiction of them. In what world is that person going to say "Oh yes, I see from all these anonymous people that I am a total shit and must change my ways". Thirdly, this is the place the poster has come to vent, share their own secrets, and ask for advice or guidance. They deserve to have this private place. Lastly, many posters share painful stories or intimate details of their own past and private pain in order to guide another person or to explain why they feel the way they do. I don't feel it's right to show their stories to someone who is abusive or even just 'wrong' in order to prove a point.

I agree, my x found threads I'd written after I left him and made references to the sad single lesbians (em what) encouraging me to leave him. It couldn't possibly have been that I decided to leave him because I wanted to. No, the idea to leave him was PUT IN MY HEAD. I had no 'bar'. That is honestly how he saw it. He just did not possess the self-awareness to acknowledge that I left him because of his behaviour to me but that that was difficult and I needed bravery. The sad back-slapping lesbians on line put ideas in my head, and so I left on a ''whim''. He really did see it like that.

DO NOT SHOW HIM THE THREAD OP.

He doesn't listen to his own wife.
The opinions of random women who he will dismiss as bitter harpies won't make him any more respectful to you.

@Tryhard40 I think if someone grabs you down there when you're not prepared for it or in the mood, it's physically uncomfortable.

@Gerty4221 I agree with PP's- my ex probably blamed 'man-hating net' as he called it for my blocking him. Your husband would just thing we were 'frigid', man-hating feminists (as if feminism is a bad thing- but of course it is to some men) or brainwashing you or something like that. Worst case scenario he genuinely could turn nasty on you physically for expressing to others that you're not happy with his behaviour.

Some people seem to be missing the point that it's not about the ACT it's about CONSENT. I don't care if you would love to be taken roughly from behind in Downing Street in front of a crowd. If you wouldn't mind, and would have said as much you CONSENTED. The OP hasn't CONSENTED. It makes no difference what the actual act is.

FWIW me and DH regularly grab bodily parts. Bodily parts that we have a standing consent to grab. If I told him ONCE that my elbow was off limits, he wouldn't touch it. Ever, not without checking. Even if it's weird to ban elbows. Even if I'm the only woman in the world who doesn't like my elbow touched. It's my elbow.

CONSENT people.

Some people seem to be missing the point

Sounds like your standard thread on aibu then.