To have found his public groping humiliating?

[Gerty4221]

It has been about a week and a half since we last had sex (baby, work, tkredness) and he has been not so subtly making it obvious that he'd like to do it tonight, that in itself isn't an issue but he has just killed my sex drive stone dead.

The issue is him thinking it is in any way appropriate or acceptable to grope me between the legs as I'm stood outside the front door in broad daylight in full view of passing cars and people (we live on a busy city road) and I had a dress on.

I said "what on earth are you doing? That is humiliating, people can see everything"

He said "I'm not humiliating you" and I said "yes, you very much are"

He just walked off (he was on his way out) and didn't say anything else.

In his desperate-for-a-shag mind I have just rejected him, in my mind he has just humiliated me, and himself actually, in public.

Was I being unreasonable?

Is anybody here OK with something like that?

Bloody hell you’ve got low standards. Groping you outside your house in public when he’s been told it’s never wanted - that’s affection to you?

Don't justify this behavior by saying 'when he's horny his brain doesn't engage' that's literally enabling him to act like a bellend. He knows perfectly well what he's doing and if he doesn't go around groping other random women then he absolutely has self control!! Bored of this tired old trope that men turn into brazen wild animals every time they get turned on, it's bullshit that's enabled men (albeit at the wilder end if the scale) get away with rape and violence. If you've had to have this conversation more than once already imo he just doesn't value or respect you.
As for the strop/entitlement that just doubles down on what I've said by adding manipulation into the mix.
Whole thing gives me the massive ick

Also all of what I've said is relevant because op clarified she didn't like it and had already told him she didn't like it. It's not relevant to everyone or all couples who mutually do enjoy such things, nor is it a judgment on those that do, the point is, it isn't mutual and he's been told before

Really a shame that a woman posting for support after sexual assault gets piled on by the mansplainers and pickmeishas.

If all you can come up with is a pathetic Straw Man fallacy ("objection to sexual assault means you would refuse your partner a kiss" [hmm]) that only proves your 'argument' is a steaming pile of ordure.

What makes you think you are the authority on how men's minds work?
Maybe you surround yourself with Trumpian wannabees who enjoy grabbing women by the pussy. That's your problem.

The rest of us know men who are exactly as respectful & empathic as women. Because they are adults, who would find your "but the men just can't help themselves" nonsense equal parts ludicrous & distasteful.

It's shocking. I can't believe that some posters have such poor reading comprehension that they keep making pathetic excuses for this Neanderthal.

Op - when the children are in bed and all is calm please revisit this discussion. Dont just keep it to "I don't like it, I keep saying no". Point out that consent is needed for anything sexual and you have not consented to that, at any time. Then point out it is a criminal offence. Then ask if he would like a visit from the police and a possible court case? If he says he wouldn't like it then tell him to keep his hands to himself and not grope you between your legs unless you have given consent. Point out that most rapists are known to the victim, ie husband/partner so you are not being over sensitive on this matter.

If he refuses to listen and acknowledge this information then I think you really need a deeper relationship discussion. Hopefully realising its a criminal offence rather than a loving gesture might jolt him enough. Good luck, and for you

I’d show him this thread might make him think twice

I'd give him an ultimatum.

Stop- for good- or divorce.

His choice. He's a grown man who is control of his behaviour. He's choosing to treat you like this.

OP, if you feel scared at the idea of following even the milder suggestions as to how to approach this issue, then you may be experiencing domestic abuse and you should contact Women's Aid and ask their advice.

Or look up the Freedom Programmr, esp the section on the sexual abuser.

My exH used to do that to me. We went out one Valentine's night for a meal to a nice restaurant. Full of couples all just sat enjoying their meals and talking amongst themselves. My exH decided that because I'd got a top on that showed a tiny bit of cleavage that was his passage to keep leaning across the table to grab my boobs. I told him not to cos Everyone kept looking at us but his words were you are my wife and it's my given right to touch you whenever I want to wherever I want to. It absolutely ruined the entire night for me. Mind you he also thought nothing of coming in from work in the early hours and waking me up demanding sex. If I refused he'd either force himself on me or threaten me with divorce. Then he decided that if I wouldn't give him anything in the early hours then I should give him it on a morning instead. If I tried to say I was on my period he would stick his fingers inside me to check whether or not I was lying. The guy I'm with now is the total opposite. If I so much as have a headache or I'm feeling a bit under the weather he doesn't pressure me he leaves it to me to decide whether or not I feel up to it. Oh and he would never dream of groping me in front of a load of people either

@HopingForMyRainbowBaby

I’m so glad that’s your ex husband and you have a decent partner now

@Coffeetree

Sure Jan. And then everyone would have clapped.
The reality is that most people freeze when they're assaulted.

Kindly don't call me a liar.
Yes, this did happen.
With my ex-boyfriend.
The reality is that I had been assaulted enough times that I have a fucking trigger reflex.
And yes, there was a fair bit of laughter from his fellow engineering student flatmates.

Among the many, many reasons I left my abusive ex was because he groped me all the fucking time. I told him I didn't like it. In his case, a large part of it was a power play. He got off making me uncomfortable, and he did it when I was involved in other stuff like cooking, when I had no thought of sex in my head. Ugh.

I don't think kneeing him in the balls and then carrying on living with him is the answer, anyway.

I hate that you paused to consider if you were being prudish!

Even if every other woman on MN loves it, it would still be ok for you to say no, and expect him to respect that boundary.

That’s bizzzzzarrrre and unacceptable. What does he think of women? Cuddly bear? This is humiliating, dehumanising and against your honour. If you have any self respect, ditch him, divorce him, throw him out. Show him what you are made of. If you let go, next time it will be in a shopping centre, mall or train station.

Donald trump?

i think its degrading disgusting and the fact he pulls the i just want to show you yore attreactive is bull shit

Smack him with a wet haddock and say ‘sorry, can’t help myself when you’re such a tosser’?

Seriously: time for a conversation in which it’s made very clear that if he EVER wishes to have sex with you again, he NEVER gropes you like that again. One more grope, he’s sleeping on the couch. (At his nan’s.) The very fact he’s ignored you telling him to stop shows a lack of respect that is worrying. I’d tell him in no way was I going to let my children grow up seeing and normalising such behaviour. I’d be willing to bet he’s equally unlovely in private when he doesn’t get what he wants.

What you have been through is so horrific, reading it has knocked the wind out of me. I sincerely hope life is better for you now, and that bastard is a distant memory.

@CurlyhairedAssassin has the best come back on this thread.

What a pig.
He sounds odious.
You poor woman.

OP, Women's aid are there for a chat and to confirm what sexual assault and sexual violence is.

What a truly awful environment your children are in.

Long term this is only going to get worse for you.

Quietly start to prepare for a day where you can't look at him because of the disgust you feel for him.

Get back to work.
Tell those close to you, the truth.

You do realise he's a pervert don't you? He got sexual pleasure out of the fact that he groped you in public. He did it on purpose and for that reason.

In the moment, when groping me, his goal is to get sex.

No, he wasn't going to get sex and he knew it. His goal was to get a bang out of groping you in public. You telling him people might see added to his thrill.

it was a half arsed non apology.

He is not sorry because he already got what he wanted.

I'm really sorry Gerty but he is very bad news and he is likely to escalate.