To have found his public groping humiliating?

[Gerty4221]

It has been about a week and a half since we last had sex (baby, work, tkredness) and he has been not so subtly making it obvious that he'd like to do it tonight, that in itself isn't an issue but he has just killed my sex drive stone dead.

The issue is him thinking it is in any way appropriate or acceptable to grope me between the legs as I'm stood outside the front door in broad daylight in full view of passing cars and people (we live on a busy city road) and I had a dress on.

I said "what on earth are you doing? That is humiliating, people can see everything"

He said "I'm not humiliating you" and I said "yes, you very much are"

He just walked off (he was on his way out) and didn't say anything else.

In his desperate-for-a-shag mind I have just rejected him, in my mind he has just humiliated me, and himself actually, in public.

Was I being unreasonable?

Is anybody here OK with something like that?

He would love it if I walked over and groped him between the legs so he can't fathom a woman not liking it too.

So do this next time, and grip his balls really hard. When his scream reaches rape alarm levels you might want to let go.

Or not...

This.

Sure Jan. And then everyone would have clapped.

The reality is that most people freeze when they're assaulted.

Obviously he is. Groping is gross and violates consent. A week and a half isn't even long

This is her partner though and she's used to being assaulted by him but is increasingly getting angry, so it's not the same as 'freezing' when you are assaulted by a random person.

When I've pulled him up on his sex pestering and groping before he says he just finds me so attractive and wants me to know that he's attracted to me. It's not the way though is it?

And he's never considered the normal, romantic way of... telling you you're beautiful/hot or saying he finds you sexy? Kissing your shoulder and whispering that you're gorgeous?

Has he ever read anything about women?

What a sad and weird echo chamber. It's normal and healthy to be handsy with your partner. Humiliating? Have I just stepped into an alternative universe?

I agree with the poster who said that he sexually assaulted you. In public. He's disgusting.

@HeadOnShoulders

There's a huge difference between affectionate and sexy touching and inappropriate grabbing in inappropriate places and at inappropriate times.

Sliding your hand up your partners leg discreetly at a dinner table? Fun and sexy.

Randomly grabbing their crotch when they're in hospital or standing outside the house. Assault.

Sulking because such behaviour doesn't go down well? Don't get me started.

This is about context.

it isn't "rank" to touch your partner/spouse in a sexual manner IF it is something you consider acceptable in a relationship and enjoy.

The word "groping" IMO comes into play when it is unwanted attention.

DH and I touch one another when we're feeling horny and yes, I sometimes go up to him and grab his balls or squeeze his bum - and he does the same to me (I don't have balls though) we find it funny though and he wouldn't do it in public.
And if I tell him to get lost, he would. If I told him I didn't like it and didn't ever want him to do it again, he wouldn't.

OP's DH is a knob for carrying on doing it when she's made it clear she doesn't like it. But I do not agree that two consensual adults touching one another sexually in a spontaneous manner is "rank". That strikes me as a very strange response to something quite normal in an adult relationship.

It isn't wrong to enjoy being touched by your partner - and it isn't wrong to not want to be grabbed between the legs without warning. Whatever floats your boat. Dh and I are both quite horny and have a lot of sex - so grabbing one another and saying "fancy a shag?" is quite normal for us.

@HeadOnShoulders yea, when the sexual dynamic is healthy and respectful. That isn’t the case here.

You think it’s normal to grope in public? When the other party clearly doesn’t like it?
it’s one thing to be affectionate, quite another to grope. Really disrespectful to your partner as well as anyone else who might see.

Um, it is NOT normal to grope your partner in public, @HeadOnShoulders . At least not unless you were raised in a barn or in the gutter. Handsy in private is one thing, in public, is another. Especially when the woman concerned has a history of sexual abuse.

Being handsy is not the same as being publicly groped
You haven't stepped into an alternative universe. You just seem to be incapable of reading the room.

Are you the husband @HeadOnShoulders?

Being in a relationship does not give you any rights over any part of your partner's body.

This is really upsetting to read OP. Poor you. Fancy getting assaulted in your own home (or indeed garden). What part of you being alarmed and upset is supposed to be seductive?

Stop trying to pick sense out of nonsense.

It's not your job to explain/sell to him the concept that you deserve to feel safe in your own home. He needs to move out for a while so that you can get support and not just start normalising this. Otherwise he'll come home, give a shitty non-apology, and you'll gaslight yourself into accepting it because its a busy day tomorrow.

Also your kids do not need to grow up watching their mum getting assaulted.

Also can we not feed the trolls?

There is a huge difference between affection and groping AND there is of course the issue of consent.

If a person doesn't liked being touched in a certain way than they have the absolute right to tell someone to stop and for that person to 1) stop and 2) never do it again, and anyone ignoring either of those two rules can fuck right off.

Of course you are not being unreasonable. Not in the slightest. His behaviour is twatty, disrespectful and utterly unacceptable.

He sounds like a sex pest.

Urgh. I've had to tell my DH in the past to stop doing that when I'm washing the dishes or doing something else equally unsexy. He tried sulking. Then one time I just blew up at him and said "look, I've told you before - STOP doing that, it's the very opposite of sexy, your timing is diabolical, I'm not into it while I'm doing domestic chores and in a rush, it does NOTHING for me when you expect me to go from 0 to 60mph in the space of a second with no affection or build up, and it's going to tip over the edge into replusion if you're not careful. There's no way you would have acted like that when we were first dating, you would be too busy stroking my hair/holding my hand/gazing into my eyes/whispering sweet nothings etc. To just go straight into an overtly sexual act totally unexpectedly has the opposite effect to what you intended, assuming your intention was to also turn me on and not to just please yourself."

He finally got the message, but did also need reassuring that I still fancied and loved him after all those years together and that batting away his groping hands didn't mean that I had lost interest in him, it simply meant that I was occupied with something else at that moment, and in fact many moments at that point in our lives when you both work full time, have kids, a house and are permanently knackered. I also told him what affection I preferred him to show me - a hug/cuddle, stroke of the arm or back, and to leave the sexual touching strictly to the bedroom (or wherever else we might be having a sesh! let's face it, with 2 teenagers, it's usually the bedroom.....)

Had he ever done that in public I would have come down on him even harder. It's just a weird control or porn thing that some men do, I think. It's disgusting.

No. You have not stepped into an alternate universe and you are talking complete bollocks.

Oh come off it you goady fucker. If this is your preferred universe, you crack on, but don't lecture other women that they ought to find it "normal" let alone "healthy": -

The issue is him thinking it is in any way appropriate or acceptable to grope me between the legs as I'm stood outside the front door in broad daylight in full view of passing cars and people (we live on a busy city road) and I had a dress on.

**

Humiliating? What exactly is humiliating about your intimate partner copping a feel? Obviously if you say he shouldn't and he continues, that's a problem. But why would you even tell him not to in the first place?

In your eagerness to grab all the attention for your Cool Girl Act, you appear to have forgotten that OP is a sexual assault survivor @HeadOnShoulders.
I suggest you leave the thread pronto & have a little think about that.