To have found his public groping humiliating?

[Gerty4221]

It has been about a week and a half since we last had sex (baby, work, tkredness) and he has been not so subtly making it obvious that he'd like to do it tonight, that in itself isn't an issue but he has just killed my sex drive stone dead.

The issue is him thinking it is in any way appropriate or acceptable to grope me between the legs as I'm stood outside the front door in broad daylight in full view of passing cars and people (we live on a busy city road) and I had a dress on.

I said "what on earth are you doing? That is humiliating, people can see everything"

He said "I'm not humiliating you" and I said "yes, you very much are"

He just walked off (he was on his way out) and didn't say anything else.

In his desperate-for-a-shag mind I have just rejected him, in my mind he has just humiliated me, and himself actually, in public.

Was I being unreasonable?

Is anybody here OK with something like that?

Honestly report him for sexual assault, he’s fucking vile.

Me and DP both do this kinda thing to each other but neither of us dislike it so it's fine. It's not for you so it's not acceptable and you need to let him know never to do it again.

Thank you all for validating how I feel. I'm going to give him both barrels when he gets back.

You've done that before and he doesn't give a fuck. Show him the door this time. It's astounding you're still with someone who treats you like this.

I quite enjoy a bit or gropey gropey inside when there’s the two of us but outside like that is fucking gross to me! I’d be annoyed that he got stroppy when I asked him not to aswell. He should have apologised

He knows I don't like it. I've told him so. Yet the minute he gets the horn his stupid brain doesn't engage.

He knows you don't like it and does it anyway. That is never ok. If he does it again, dump him (if you don't now and give him a final warning) or just dump now.

Ugh, I couldn't spend another minute with a bloke like him, who thinks sexual assault is ok, whether he's in a relationship with that woman or not.
Plus the fact that he didn't show the slightest bit of respect for me whatsoever by doing such a thing.
Great dad he might be, great man he's not!
Plus, how can he be such a great dad if he's so disrespectful and dismissive of his children's mother.
Is that the kind of message that you want him to teach your children? That's it's ok to sexually assault your partner, or that it's fine for your partner to sexually assault you.
Would you still be making excuses for him if he had slapped your face instead?

For you, not me!

I would (if you're not leaving him) say "oi, when you do that, it makes me not want sex. I like it when you do X/Y/Z. Groping me turns me off"

Leaving aside all the issues of consent etc and spell it out to him in very small firm words
Chances are he will do it again and be all I thought you liked it but.. you can try

I don't get why men do it, when I first met my partner he asked if I was happy to be woken up in that way. I said not a fucking chance, unless you are carrying a cup of tea, the place is on fire or you have pizza then don't wake me. So he's never done it. He also won't ever grope me because he knows I find it grim I just get eyebrow and wink instead

Yanbu

It's horrible and degrading.

An ex once did it to me when I was in lying in awful pain in bed on a hospital ward having been admitted as emergency.

Before I posted I did stop for a moment and question whether I was being a bit prudish before pressing submit, so I do appreciate the validation.

I know some people would be fine with this kind of thing (like a PP on page 1) but for me it just isn't ok.

I have S.A in my past which he knows all about. I have explained multiple times why I don't want to be groped.

PP's asking why I'm with him - it's quite complex i suppose. Lots of factors to consider and I have likely put myself last on list because the groping isnt a daily thing so I push it to the back of my mind.

My sex life has gradually decreased after having children whereas his has stayed the same, very high. A week or so passes and we haven't had sex and he seems to go OTT.

@Gerty4221 how long have you been together?? I remember having to have a conversation with my partner a few times when to try and initiate sex he would just say something x rated and do nothing else then sulk when it (obviously!) didn't work. I tried to explain why it wasn't a turn on and then the childish reaction afterwards was even less of a turn on!! Then gave him a few pointers of what would get me in the mood if I wasn't. Nobody wants to feel like they are being guilt tripped into sex cause their partner is a baby! Should be enjoyable for all!! Start doing it to him in totally inappropriate situations like parents evening and see how he likes it!!

Repulsive man, LTB

Shouldn't be about this, but do you have daughters, OP?

What would you tell them if a guy thought it was acceptable to grope them in public because they 'had sex on the brain'? Would you think they should keep seeing someone with such little disregard for a woman's bodily autonomy or would you tell them to dump them? Report them?

What would your husband think if men started grabbing your daughters in this manner?

And if you have sons, and they learn to think this is ok, are you going to be happy to defend them when the police show up at your door to charge them with sexual assault when they start copying your husband's gross/vile/assaultive behaviour?

I think you need a long think about the kind of man you're married to and what kind of example he's actually setting for your children?

I have S.A in my past which he knows all about. I have explained multiple times why I don't want to be groped.

Even without reading that, it's so wrong and disrespectful, but having read that, he knows you were abused and continues to do this
Let's be clear, this man is not good dad material. Definitely not good husband material. You matter OP. 💐

My Ex used to do this - combined with an otherwise complete lack of affection, it killed our sex life. I just couldn’t stand him touching me.
He also thought it was complimentary (!), but it felt so violating and disrespectful.
Hope you’re okay, OP 💐

Other than - jesus christ im really sad that you're with a man who is knowingly sexually assaulting you. You've told him its not consensual, but he keeps doing it. Its still assault, just because he isnt a stranger in a dark alleyway doesnt mean it isnt. Its do sad that we live in a society where he thinks its acceptable because hes your DH???
Have you said to him - 'when you do that, it turns me off. Like, i wont want sex again because it repulses me. You're risking me getting so turned off its irreversible and il just stop being attracted to you because i find this behaviour a massive turn off'
Just curious what his response was/is.

We've been together 6.5 years.

The comments about our children, I can't even argue with you. It's just wrong isn't it. We have a son and a daughter. I would want to rip the balls off any man who did that to her. I would be incandescent if my son thought it OK to do to a woman.

😔

"In public? Yes he has, it was a long time ago but I distinctly remember getting majorly pissed off at him."

Different couples have different thresholds on where pda / making out etc. start /stop. You mention a baby which makes me think that by this stage of the relationship he has, or ought to have, a pretty firm grip on what level you enjoy / like. This seems to be so far over that line that it is hard to believe the transgression an accident.

The fact that my line might be in a different place than yours is neither here nor there. You are totally reasonable in being massively pissed off, and looking that it not the first time I'd consider telling him so alongside a 3 strikes and you're out style ultimatum. Tell him what is ok (without prior permission) when and where. Tell him what isn't ok. Be quite specific. Mean it.

I have told him it makes me far less inclined to want sex yes. I think he forgets about these conversations as they're not important to him. It doesn't sink in.

In the moment, when groping me, his goal is to get sex. If he remembered what I'd said, in that moment, he wouldn't do it because he would know he certainly wouldn't be getting it then.

Reading some of your other comments - uggh - yeah ok you've already made it more than clear sorry <3

what a asshole. LTB /or at least seriously consider it.

Tbh I think if your in a long commitment relationship and are having sex regularly than a bit of a cheeky grope / naughty cuddle / kiss with tongues etc outside the bedroom is fine and fun. Hubby and I will do if the kids / public aren't looking. It would be quick and no one would see. However and it's a big however.... its with two consenting adults. If I ever looked uncomfortable or said I was he wouldn't do it again out of respect. He also would sulk off like your OH did. I don't think anyone not just men are very good at apologising especially after ego has been hurt.
I would see how things go and if he does it again.

It's not him trying to seduce you it's him demonstrating that he has power over you.

There is no excuse, having the horn as you put it or sex on the brain doesn’t mean people lose the ability to think straight. There was a similar thread about a man who thought it was okay to lift up his partners skirt or dress to flash her as she was walking into the house, and miffed she was pissed.
tell him that’s the last time he did that and he can either leave and do it to someone else or if he does it again you leave.

@Johnnypiratesfriend I think that’s different, though, as you’re describing something that is part of a healthy sexual relationship with consent / respected boundaries. OP’s situation calls to mind more ‘Donald Trump’ insinuations, and who on Earth would find that acceptable or sexually attractive? 🤢

Absolutely.