To have found his public groping humiliating?

[Gerty4221]

It has been about a week and a half since we last had sex (baby, work, tkredness) and he has been not so subtly making it obvious that he'd like to do it tonight, that in itself isn't an issue but he has just killed my sex drive stone dead.

The issue is him thinking it is in any way appropriate or acceptable to grope me between the legs as I'm stood outside the front door in broad daylight in full view of passing cars and people (we live on a busy city road) and I had a dress on.

I said "what on earth are you doing? That is humiliating, people can see everything"

He said "I'm not humiliating you" and I said "yes, you very much are"

He just walked off (he was on his way out) and didn't say anything else.

In his desperate-for-a-shag mind I have just rejected him, in my mind he has just humiliated me, and himself actually, in public.

Was I being unreasonable?

Is anybody here OK with something like that?

@JanglyBeads agreed

He sounds vile. What a disgusting way to behave and in public too!

He is very very unreasonable and I'd be telling him there'd be no shag for the foreseeable future and if he ever groped me again that'd be the end of our relationship as it shows absolutely no respect for me.

Don't put up with it OP. Oh and good dads don't abuse the mothers of their children.

When I've pulled him up on his sex pestering and groping before he says he just finds me so attractive and wants me to know that he's attracted to me. It's not the way though is it?

It's absolutely not the way, no. If he wants to let you know he finds you attractive, he can tell you that you look gorgeous, he can give you a cuddle and a little pat on the bum, or he can be generally physically affectionate and loving. Groping you between the legs in public, is absolutely gross.

An ex of mine once put his arm around me and grabbed one of my boobs really hard in front of loads of people (including mutual friends and people he worked with) in a pub and it literally made me feel queasy. Totally humiliating and disrespectful.

If both people are into it - absolutely fine! Just press on. But you have made it clear that you hate it and he is still doing it, which is awful. The public element also makes it a million times worse.

I usually read peoples SA comments and think ffs there going over the top. However the issues here are he knows and has been Told you do not like it so it is completely not acceptable….

I'm so angry for you. That is SHOCKING male-entitled behaviour.

If ever there is a next time, do it straight back to him - grab his balls and squeeze hard until he gets the message. I swear if my DH ever groped me he'd be heading for the nearest emergency dentist.

That would kill any interest I had in sex with him, permanently. How can a man ‘forget’ not to sexually assault people, ffs.

What is it with these Neanderthals that makes them think that women find this kind of behaviour a turn on?

I think a kick to his balls would help him remember next time not to grope you.

When I've pulled him up on his sex pestering and groping before he says he just finds me so attractive and wants me to know that he's attracted to me

Sorry, but that's just an out-and-out lie. Once you've made it pretty clear that the message you get from him groping you is not 'I find my ovely wife attractive', what's his excuse for ever doing it again? There isn't one. He knows you don't like it and he doesn't care. He gropes you because he thinks his urges are more important than how you feel. He just hopes he can still can get away with the 'I find you so attractive' line. Because flatter a woman and she'll let you do what you like, right?

For reasons I don' understand (porn maybe?) I do think a lot of men honestly do think that this is a nice turn on for women they're in relationships with. DH is an astonishingly respectful and considerate man but we've definitely had moments where I've had to point out that actually, him wondering over and groping me is not sexy it just makes me feel like a piece of meat. I simply cannot go from washing the dishes to feeling sexy just because he's groped my breast.

The key difference between DH and your H is that mine respects and understands and immediately changes his behaviour. Permanently.

He doesn't "forget" that you don't like it, OP. He knows fine well you don't like it. No one likes being sexually assaulted.

You told him he was humiliating you and his response was not, "omg I'm so sorry, so thoughtless, how can I make amends" but "not I'm not" and getting angry with you. He is abusing you, in public, and then getting angry with you when you object.

Honestly, since you've told him about this multiple times, if it happened again I'd smack his hand away HARD. If that didn't work, I'd leave.

If you've told him it's a turn off and he hasn't stopped, you need to think about exactly WHY he's doing it. A friend actually ended a relationship because of this. She felt he did it to prove his 'possession' of her as much as for purely sexual reasons. Her ex-bf groped her walking down the street, in the shops, in a restaurant, in the car, in their houses. And I don't mean a quick pat on the bum. I mean squeezing her breasts, groping between her legs, fondling her bum, all in a very obvious way. He even did it once standing in a group of us talking. He suddenly reached over and tweaked her breast then slid his hand down her belly. It was disgusting and disturbing.

He has no respect for your feelings, even when he knows about your past! He's a selfish pig, he cares only for himself. Can I be honest? I'd tell him next time he does that, you'll knee him in the nuts. And MEAN it. Do it. I guarantee he'll 'remember' in future.

I'd do the elbow to the face/knee him combo that you see in movies and tell him you were 'triggered' and that was your unconscious physical response.

But then again, I wouldn't be in a relationship with a selfish misogynist pig that thinks it's ok to sexually assault (grope) a woman just because he wants to. Imagine having that as a role model to your children! He sees you as property, as a piece of meat, just a sexual object. With no past trauma, no real humanity. If he didn't change quick smart (after I did the knee/elbow combo) I'd leave him. His contempt for you as a human being is clear.

He deserves a slap for that. Pig.

Eugh! You poor thing. What a turn off.

Every time I’ve read accounts like this from women who are upset about sex-pestering and groping from their partner, the man has used the excuse that she’s just so sexy/he’s so attracted to her etc. Like it’s not his fault, it’s hers for existing in his presence. It’s gross.

Rank.

He knows I don't like it. I've told him so. Yet the minute he gets the horn his stupid brain doesn't engage.

My dear OP - you need to stop making excuses for him.
He doesn't lose brainpower because he gets the horn.
He doesn't "forget" that you dislike it.
He isn't unable to help himself because he finds you so attractive.
He is NOT unaware of the special & delicate circumstances surrounding your SA.

He is fully aware of all of the above.
He just doesn't give a shit.

The sulking, blaming you, & outrageous, blatant denial of your feelings - "I'm not humiliating you" - are all equally deliberate.
He sees you as his possession. PP was right - this humiliating groping is him marking his territory. He believes he has a "right" to frequent sex, doesn't care how you feel about that, & is prepared to punish you with sulking & anger when his grabbing doesn't get him what he wants.

Has this groping escalated since you had your baby?
Is he controlling/entitled/sulky about other aspects of your lives?

why would you want to have sex with someone who gropes you uninvited?

He needs to learn how to behave and treat other humans in a respectful manner
especially the person wh is his dp and he sleeps with - creep

Really - he would like it too?

it’s assault. It’s vile and a massive turn off. You aren’t a piece of meat.

Do what you’d do to a randy dog, cold water over him.

I also have the strong “ knee to groin” reflex, a bloke who molested me ended up in A&E. I do not apologise for that.

Really - he would like it too?

Some people in relationships do like this behaviour and are fine with it and that's fine for them.

It's not ok for him to carry on knowing OP hates it

he will now be offended.

That would be consistent with him training you to give him whatever he wants and not to make any fuss about having your own needs met.

Sorry, he really doesn't sound ideal partner/parent material. Had he changed since you had your baby ?

Congratulation on your baby.

Would that be OK in private?