To let my dd miss school on sports day?

[veralera]

She's 10. She really finds pe very difficult, she takes after me and just isn't particularly good at sports, isn't a fast runner etc etc.

She does however play for a girls football team. But being completely honest - she's by far the weakest player. She enjoys it though and I am unbelievably proud of her for sticking at it. I can guarantee that wouldn't of been me at that age.

She's had a tough couple of days, sports day is on Friday. Firstly, her football team played in a tournament on Saturday and she scored an own goal. She also passed the ball to the wrong player causing them to score on the opposite team. She was absolutely mortified and the girls on her team were (understandably to an extent) not the kindest to her.

Yesterday she had sports day practice. She came out of school very emotional because she came last in every race. She begged me to let her have sports day off school.

Now I won't lie, I do let my dc stay at home every now and then. If they seem a bit stressed, tired, run down, overwhelmed with school work etc. this doesn't happen often, it's not a regular thing but I have done it in the past and used it to spend quality one on one time with my dc.

I remember what it's like on sports day. I used to do the same thing to my mum every year and beg for the day off. I know exactly how my dd is feeling and I feel for her so much. Her confidence has really been knocked over the past couple of days.

What would you do?

Just to add - the last time she was off school was in January when she had covid. She hasn't had a day off since.

My gut is telling me to let her stay at home but equally I don't want to have this every year. And I don't want her to think she can always get out of things she doesn't want to do.

I've spent last night filling her with praise, telling her I am so proud of her regardless of sports day or anything else and making sure she's well aware of the many many positive and amazing qualities she has.

I just feel bad for her - I hate sports day even now! It's not always fun for kids or parents for that matter!

Let her take the day off. Sports Day is horrid for non-sporty kids.

I wouldn’t - someone has to come last. You’re good at some things and not at others.

Keep her at home or ask if she can be in charge of the water stand.

I absolutely agree. It takes me back to when I was a child. Seeing those white lines painted on the school ready for the races field filled me with dread!

Does she have to take part in the sports, could she not help set up or something in that capacity instead if you explained to her teachers, I know when my daughter was in primary she hated the school plays so was offered to help with the music & lighting etc so she was still part of the day? I know it’s not the same thing but they might consider giving her a role instead

My children aren't at all sporty either (probably dyspraxic). You might have some people say she needs to learn you can't be good at everything and that's ok; but i think she probably already knows that, my kids certainly do! Take the day off, do something lovely with her and make her feel special.

Wow I had never even thought of this before. I can most definitely ask that question. Thank you

I always kept mine home on sports days for the last few years of primary. It was always massively crowded and overwhelming. Not about winning or losing, but just the stress of the whole thing is quite painful for some kids.
I think its great they have sports days but i definitely think that a child should be able to opt out, in the same way that theyre not forced to do school concerts etc

Let her take the day off.

I wouldn't start potentially letting her off and you've already mentioned you're aware it could start a pattern of having it off every year. I was also the child that came last in everything but I also knew sports wasn't for me, I did do some competitive swimming and was in the rounders team in Primary School but was never and will never be a runner.

I would still make her go but emphasize it's just one day, there will be others not enjoying it and not everyone can win (I always came last too) and tell her you'll do something nice after school/weekend even if it's just an ice cream out.

It's normally less of an issue in secondary school, I went to a secondary with a sports specialism and they only asked for volunteers which all the sporty kids do. I was once somehow forced to do high jump in year 7, I'm only 5'2" now! It obviously ended up in me coming last. It hopefully won't be long until you're daughter can just sit it out and do the activities she enjoys.

There will be a “little virus” in this house over sports day which may well run into the school play, which is the day after.

I would have said yes but how can she enjoy playing football for a team not not pe?

Normally, I'm very much, 'you go, you do your best, it may not be your strong point, but that's okay'. For context, mine never had a sports day off, I was a hard arsed Mum about it!

However, your daughter has been through the mill a bit, lately, hasn't she? Well, they all have. But to be honest, I'd be telling her, don't take this as setting a precedent, this is a once only deal, you only get this card once. And giving her the day off. She's sounding a bit run down, mentally, if not physically.

I'm usually very much against allowing kids to miss school to avoid 'difficult situations', they do need to learn to 'grasp the nettle' when needed, but sports day is such a unique/one-off thing, I think it's very OK to let her miss it provided you make the reasons for this exception clear.

For me mental health comes first, I’d kept her off

My eldest son was like that, also aged 10, came last in most things in sports day, the last one was a skipping rope race, he had never skipped before, so got all tangled up and the teacher ran with him to get him finished. We watched, I was furious he was picked for something he’d never done. He was more disappointed than upset. So yes, I would keep her home, I’m sure she won’t be the only one. My son, like your DD did play football, but as a goalkeeper from aged 8 to 18. We still talk about that sports day, so I think it still bothers him.

Id let her stay off personally. Kids shouldn’t be forced to do things that make them anxious and embarrassed.

When my DD was younger, she was having a hard time at school (dyslexia causing her problems in reading and maths as well as her being very quiet). Sports day was the last straw... 9 girls in her year, so they split them into a 4&5 for the races then gave the first three in each race prizes, so she was only person in her race to get a prize. Then the only girl not in the relay as it was groups of four... I wish I had taken her out!

However if generally they are fine at school... yes someone has to come last.

Just the same way as I enjoyed dancing and swimming but hated football and rounders I would imagine 🙄

I remember being a kid, let her have the day off. I use to hate sports day.

I absolutely agree but no one , especially a kid learns anything from coming last in every thing. Just puts them off sport completely.

Let her have the day off.

You will probably get posters telling you that she won’t be successful in her life due to having sports day off and all sorts of ridiculous OTT answers. But in my experience, there’s a better lesson in showing your kids that you have their back when they’re feeling overwhelmed.

My kids secondary school doesn’t make kids take part in sports day so you may find that at her next school, it’s not an issue.

Yes but football is a sport?

I'd let her stay off.

I wouldn't let her stay off as it sets a precedent. Maybe though her ankle is hurting and she'd be better off helping.